Breathe
by waitingfornow
Summary: AH/AU: Baylee Carter has had her entire life turned upside down. How will she cope in a new town, with a new family, and the most unlikely person coming back into her life?
1. Chapter 1

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ A new story! This idea has been bouncing around in my head so much that I decided to just go with it and see where it takes me. I hope you guys like it, this is my first attempt at an all-human story so of course, things are going to be AU as well. Please, be gentle. I'm not used to writing the Cullens this way but I do hope to hold onto their personalities and back history as much as I can. Once I get rolling on this idea, the chapter lengths will become longer. Warning you guys now!_

_Stephenie Meyer's the one making money, I'm just having fun._

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**Chapter One:**

"_If a man hits you once, he'll hit you again."_

I can't remember how many people told my mom that. The select few, those who really knew the kind of hell she'd become trapped in. Everyone had such sage advice, pearls of wisdom that were always easier said than done. But they never did anything more than that. They never tried to help her carve a new life for herself. They'd only offered their advice as if it would magically fix everything.

Only a handful of those people were there the day of her funeral. The ones that were there fought to keep the patronizing grins off their faces. It wasn't polite to say '_I told you so_' in front of the newly-orphaned teen.

No one said a word to me as my mother and step-father's bodies were lowered into the dry dirt of a northeastern Texas cemetary. But I heard every whispered comment, every condecending little sneer as the pristine metal coffins disappeared from view.

_"I told her not to go back."_

_"At least she took him with her."_

_"What happens to that poor girl now?"_

_"I heard she barely escaped...."_

I forced myself to stop listening then. The entire town of Richardson, Texas was nothing but a bunch of gossiping old fools. They lived everyone else's lives but their own. They had nothing better to do than sit around, sipping tea and pretending to play card games so no one would know what they were really up to. These women spent hours dissecting people's lives, trying to exact the fate they thought the people mentioned deserved. If only they'd taken the time to look at their _own_ lives.

The worst one, the head of this little clan was Mrs. Janice Becker. Her husband had run off years ago with a secretary from his law firm, but she spun a different story. He'd gotten relocated out of state and she just _loved_ Texas so much that she'd refused to go. Ha. Nearly every person in Richardson had been told some variation of the lie. A lie that was probably helping Mrs. Becker sleep a little easier at night. Anything was better to that woman than admitting she was less than perfect. She'd been so busy butting into other people's lives that she didn't even notice when she started talking about herself in whispered conversations taking place in her living room. These women, trying to be thoughtful of course, never mentioned names.

Mrs. Becker was the first to reach my chair once the minister, Southern Baptist of course, spoke his final peace. I barely noticed his mad dash into the warming interior of his car. I twas almost April in northeastern Texas and still kind of chilly. My mourning clothes had been picked out with the weather as a distant concern.

"You poor child." Mrs. Beckers voice held a thick accent as she helped me to my feet. "I'm so glad they let you out for the funeral. Not that you have any business being here anyway. Funerals are no place for children. No matter how close they were to the deceased."

I'd never really been a violent person, especially not now, but I did seriously consider throwing something at this woman's head. Were all people her age this irritating? Did every town in the continental US have a group of women like this? Or was Richardson the only one? A chill shot down my spine as I contemplated other locations with different versions of these women.

I didn't need to really say anything as she led me back to my car. Everyone assembled had seen my escort. A police car that came complete with my very own officer and a nurse from the Baylor Medical Center of Dallas, the hospital I'd been held captive in since....

I traveled in style, that was me.

My nurse, a kindly woman no older than thirty with deep brown eyes and short jet-black hair, stepped forward quickly. "You should have waved to me." She scolded, a patient smile lighting up her pale, rounded face.

"No big." I shrugged then winced when old lady Becker leaned on me the wrong way. I guess she'd forgotten my own role in the family drama in her determination to trap me at her side. All so she could pump me for information in case she got the rare chance to get me alone.

"Okay!" Pam, my nurse, called and gently extracted me from under the old, heavy-set woman that had just dragged me up a steep hill. "Time to get you back, missy."

With a sigh, I nodded and moved toward the car. There was no use in trying to fight her. One of Dallas' finest stood near the hood of the car, looking more than ready to throw his weight around at the slightest hint of trouble.

Besides, getting into the police car locked me away from the mixed group of mourners. I could tell, just by how some of them were standing that they were dangerously close to approaching me. The words some of them wanted to say were practically written on their faces. It never ceased to amaze me just how many people showed up at a funeral, filled with false sympathy and compassion for those suffering through a loss.

Mine was extremely worse than most funerals I'd ever attended as a child. I was front and center on this one, sole survivor of the brutal attack that not only took my mother from me, but my step-father. If people in Richardson didn't know what had been happening in my home before, they would know by the time the sun went down.

"How are you feeling?" Pam asked as soon as we were settled into the backseat of the police cruiser. Because of all the high-tech machinery in the front, we both had to sit in the back. It made me smile a little, feeling like a criminal of sorts as we pulled away from the gravesite and merged into the light mid-evening traffic. As much as I loathed being out in the chilly sunshine with a group of people I didn't want anything to do with; it had gotten me out of the hospital for a little while.

Now I was going back. No amount of traffic on 35 was going to keep me from being locked up within the four walls that were seriously starting to close in on me. I'd never really been a major fan of hospitals, but because of my mother being a nurse; time spent within the sterilized atmosphere was manditory. When I turned fifteen, she'd even convinced me to start volunteering. College was still in the plans then and it would look good on my college transcripts. Of course, my step-father jumped in and began joking around that the only thing I would be doing was searching for future doctors that I could marry and mouch off of. How my mother had ended up with a man like him was still unfathomnable to me. Even after fourteen years of dating and marriage, I still couldn't understand. I'd grown up with this man, but he still felt like a complete stranger to me. Brandon Carter had tried to take the place of my father from the get-go. He'd done everything in his power to make me well aware of the fact that he was my 'new daddy'. I'd only been three when they began dating, I had no idea what was going on. I just knew there was this new man and my father was nowhere to be found. Once he and my mother married, I was given his last name too. More fuel to the proverbial fire.

It wasn't until I was much older that things began to start making sense. But by then, everything had turned upside down and inside out, all I wanted to do was hide from it all. By the time I was eight years old, all I wanted to do was forget about life and emerse myself in another world. A world where I knew what was going on, I could control everything and have things that I _wanted_ to happen.

It never lasted long. No matter what, everything always came rushing back when I did not want it to. At that same age, I stopped hiding and just made best with what I had to work with.


	2. Chapter 2

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Another chapter! I'm so surprised by all the notice this story's already gotten, and just in the first chapter! Thank you guys so much for reading everything I've written. I hope you guys like this story as much as you all have seemed to like my previous ones. Just a warning, I only know a bare minimum of what I'm writing about, so hopefully I don't mess things up too badly. Please be patient with me, I'm not taking this story lightly._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just playing in her sandbox._

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**Chapter Two:**

Life in a hospital was hideously repetitive. The same faces, the same color palette. It was all enough to drive a person insane. Especially when there was nothing to break up the monotony. I didn't have anything to my name, no inanimate objects to save me from the boredom that clutched at me during my waking hours.

In the beginning, it hadn't been so bad. My injuries had been so severe that sedation was demanded around the clock for my diagnosis. The morphine that dripped into my body was a heavenly relief from the agony that gripped me tightly. No amount of time eased the flames that swirled angrily throughout my petite frame. It was always there, constantly waiting on the edges of consciousness to overpower me when the opportunity presented itself. The only way to escape was through unconsciousness. But darker, more painful forces engulfed me then. There was just no way to escape it all, nothing could even _hope_ to put a dent into all of the emotions and pain swirling around in me.

"Baylee?" My head snapped up painfully when my name rang through the air. It was such an uncommon name that I always knew when someone was talking to me. My mother had always loved unique names, probably because she'd been given such a common one by her mother. Katherine Murphy had been her name until she turned eighteen, met and married my father. Then three years later, she transformed from Katherine Crowley to Katherine Carter. The same last name that had been given to me as a present on my fifth birthday. Just in time for me to start school, she'd explained when the paperwork finally came in from Brandon's lawyer. It was just a name to me back then, I didn't think to ask why I could no longer have my father's last name. What was so bad about me being Baylee Crowley? Granted it had a weird ring to it, but it was the name I was used to.

By that time, there was no one to fight the adoption proceedings my new step-father had put into affect. When my biological father died in a car accident, he'd had no surviving family to help the grieving mother and her year old daughter. I still had no memories of the man that had helped give me life. Brandon's dominating presence had overshadowed it all. He was the only father I'd ever known and that wasn't saying much. Men like Brandon Carter had no business shaping a young person's mind.

While other kids were playing with their toys and getting their clothes dirty, only to be scolded lovingly by their parents; I was in a different reality. I wasn't allowed to go outside. I was confined to my bedroom, with a sparse collection of toys to my name. They'd all been second-hand, broken in some places and all-out destroyed in other areas. But they were mine and I loved them accordingly. That was the only good thing I could say I'd been given by Brandon. I learned at a very early age, the sense of loyalty and that taking care of what you had was a big deal. Nothing in life was free and even at that age, I paid for every single thing I recieved and did.

"Yes?" I looked up, casting a small smile at the nurse staring patiently at me as I reemerged from my daydreams. She had my clipboard in her hands, probably having just checked my vitals to make sure everything was still up to par. Even though I was now able to sit upright in my bed, I still had to be strapped to a heart monitor and the hospital gown that cloaked me felt like second nature. At this rate, I doubted I would ever be able to recall what normal clothes fell like. Everything felt foreign to my body now. An extensive amount of damage had been inflicted and I wasn't able to wear normal clothes anymore. Not with the heavy bandaging that ran from the side of my throat, down the expanse of my back only to curl around the left side of my body. The worst of my injuries.

"You have a visitor." She announced with a cheerful smile then stepped aside.

I gasped aloud when I saw the man. He couldn't look much older than forty, a full head of bright blonde hair combined with bright blue eyes set perfectly into a shell of pale skin. The man had a visitor's pass clipped to the front pocket of his crisp, white button-down shirt. It was tucked neatly into his khaki pants, a brown belt and matching loafers completing his look. Why was this man in _my_ room of all places? He didn't look like he belonged anywhere in my world, but yet he had a familiarity that I just could not place.

"Hello," He smiled at me then, displaying a perfect set of pristine, white teeth. "My name is Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I would have come sooner, please forgive me for being so late."

I just shrugged my unbandaged shoulder, letting that speak for me where my voice was failing. Why was he apologizing? It wasn't like I had any idea who he was or what he wanted with me. "You're here now." I offered out lamely, my voice just a pitch shy of being a whisper.

Somehow he heard me and advanced slowly to the chair set beside my bed. I shifted uncomfortably as he grew closer, suddenly unsure of him. I didn't want him so close to me, it didn't feel right or natural. The only time anyone ever came close to me...I refused to let my mind travel down that path. I hadn't exactly come from a house filled with love and innocent hugs. Every touch, every gaze had strings attached to it. A demand was always just seconds after these acknowledgements. "I am." He complied and easily slid into the hard, plastic covered chair on my right.

I was thankful they'd thought to put the chair there, instead of on my left. I still couldn't turn my head completely from one side to the other without a burst of pain ricocheting through me. The bandages were so tightly taped to my neck that I wouldn't have been able to move in the absence of pain anyway. I was a prisoner in my own body. Again. "Why _are_ you here?" I asked suddenly then let my eyes fall to my lap when I realized just how sharp my voice had come out. "Sorry." I muttered sheepishly and peeked up at him from beneath my long eyelashes. A gift, my mom had called them. "I'm just...not understanding. I have no idea who you are."

"Completely understable." Carlisle agreed with me, again, not sounding the least bit angry or irritated at my ignorance. I could have probably flipped him off and thrown something at his head and he'd still look at me as I was now. His eyes were filled to the brim with patience and understanding. I'd been through a 'terrible ordeal', or so the staff had connected to my medical history. "That's why I decided to come in person. Baylee, what I'm about to tell you just can't be explained very well over the phone."

"Okay," I drawled out slowly, my accent thick as it coiled around that simple word. "Then what's up?" I'd never been one to pussyfoot around the matter at hand. Something else I'd gotten from Brandon.

The smile didn't waver from his slightly puckered, evenly drawn lips. I noticed, when the smile momentarily disappeared, his lower lip was slightly more full in the middle than his top, but that didn't disrupt the bow in any way. "I just ask that you save your questions until I'm done, okay? There's a lot I need to cover with you and it's terribly confusing when you get right down to it."

I breathed a shaky laugh, which was soon met by his stronger, much more confident chuckle and dutifully fell silent as he got comfortable in his seat.

"Through a confusing turn of events, I've become your legal guardian. Because you are still over a year away from your eighteenth birthday, I have agreed to accept guardianship and offer you a place with myself and my family. I do have to warn you that it will mean you relocating to where I'm at, but I hope that won't be a major problem for you. I hate that I'm pulling you from the only home you've ever known. But my wife and I would love the chance to help give you some stability."

Instantly, I opened my mouth to say something but clamped my own lips closed before any sound threatened to escape. He'd asked me to hold my questions, it was the least I could do if this guy was actually telling the truth. But a new thought gripped me suddenly and my eyebrow raised slightly. "I'm sorry." I rushed out and had to bodily turn so that I was facing him. The blankets covering my crossed legs rustled against my waist and an involuntary hiss vibrated up my throat when the staunch hems hit my left side wrong. Blowing out a low breath, I closed my eyes and slowly counted back from five before going on. "May I please see your ID? Just so I know you're telling me the truth about who you really are."

Carlisle Cullen must have been warned about me and my untrusting nature. He wasted no time in extracting his wallet from the back pocket of his pants, then his ID was settled delicately in my waiting hand. I studied it with more enthusiasm than I'd shown in the past two weeks of my convelecense. It was all right there, in startling detail. Dr. Carlisle Cullen, residing in Forks, Washington. The photo on the driver's liscence matched the man staring at me and I dutifully handed it back after glancing briefly at his date of birth. I'd been right. Sorta. No older than forty-five. Younger than my mother, but the same age my father would've been now. My parents had been very young when they met, married, and had me. Young marriages never really lasted long in my family's history. But I hoped they would have broken the trend, had my father been able to live past his twenty-seventh birthday.

Once his liscence had been returned to his wallet, then his wallet to the back pocket of his khakis, he began to speak again. He reclined in the seat with an ankle thrown over his left thigh, hands clasped casually in his lap. This man didn't look his age, I was absolutely certain of that and would have contested it if I hadn't just looked at his ID. Aging had been very good to him over the years, I noticed only faint echos of laugh lines around his eyes and lips. The rest of his face, as well as the exposed skin of his arms was smooth and pale with faint splatters of freckles lining the skin. All indicitive of his residence. Northern people didn't really know the meaning of a tan unless they sought the man-made sun trapped in tanning beds around the United States. I knew nothing of Forks, I had no idea what kind of place he would be taking me to. Providing I even agreed to all of this. I had the option of saying no, right? That was something I would be asking once this guy had gotten through his drawn-out explanation.

"I'm an ER doctor in Forks, it's a very small town that rains a lot and barely gets above sixty degrees. That's on a good day," He revealed with a sardonic smile marring his lips. "My wife's name is Esme and we have five children together. All of them have been adopted in various times of their lives and a couple of them even have different last names. You wouldn't have to take on our last name, providing things progressed to you agreeing to let us adopt you officially. I know you're almost of legal age, but I don't want you to think that I see this as a temporary solution to you having no one to care for you. I meant it when I said we're wanting to offer you a home with us."

I nodded and frowned slightly when my throat constricted, tears already beginning to prick the back of my eyes. I didn't know this man from a stranger on the street, but yet everything he was saying held the absolute truth. He wasn't lying, he wasn't trying to blow smoke up my ass and agree to get me to do something I'd regret later.

"But what about my recovery?" I asked, dumbly and gestured around the room. Was he going to be staying here until I was well enough to be released? Or would he just return to Forks and wait for me to make the journey myself? So many questions and I couldn't even think of half the ones I really wanted to ask.

"It will resume in Washington. Of course, all of that depends on your examinations once we get there. At the very least, you'll be transferred to a hospital in Seattle. But you won't be alone there. I'm sure Esme will start a constant vigil until you're able to function properly at home."

Home. Huh. What an odd word to hear after everything else I'd heard over the past two weeks. But as I let the word turn over and over in my mind, I couldn't mistake the deep longing that word ignited in my body. I missed home, I desperately needed one after all the hell I'd been put through.


	3. Chapter 3

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just playing in her sandbox._

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**Chapter Three:**

Seattle, Washington was nothing like Dallas, Texas. But strangely, the Harborview Medical Center had the faint rings of Baylor of Dallas. Still, I couldn't help but feel like I'd traded one world for another.

The weather was so different that I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to adjust if I ever got to step outside for longer than two or three minutes at a time. I'd all but been rushed from the airport to the hospital so I could be admitted and checked out thoroughly by the doctor Carlisle had recommended. He was overseeing everything, claiming he wanted to make sure I was getting the very best care possible to me. My hospital bills in Dallas had even been taken care of. Carlisle had failed to mention he had more money than he knew what to do with. Even more of it was being thrown at my treatment in my new home state.

"Do you have everything you need?" My new nurse, Olivia Dawson, smiled as I wheeled myself closer to my new bed. I hadn't been able to even change into normal street clothes for my journey. I'd been allowed to board and decent from the hospital's hellicopter on my own accord, but the sweatpants, hospital gown and oversized jacket had left little to be desired for.

I nodded and swallowed back the lump that was threatening to form in my throat. I'd just taken off my jacket and sweatpants, noting idly when Nurse Olivia swept them into her arms and glided from the room. I was well-versed in what was coming next. Next I was going to get to meet my new doctor.

Richard Davenport, MD didn't disappoint as he swept into the room; Carlisle hot on his heels. "You must be Baylee!" He grinned brightly at me and gently clasped my right hand.

I bobbed my head in acknowledgement and let it fall limply onto my thigh as he consulted my chart. I began to chew on the inside of my cheek nevously at the two talked quietly between themselves and then a new presence filled the room. This person caused the exact same reaction Carlisle had when he walked into my room that very first day.

Esme Cullen was nothing like the image I'd fixed up in my head as I moved from Dallas to Seattle. Her hair hung in soft, carmel waves down her back, framing her heart-shaped face perfectly. Her skin was nearly as pale as her husband's, her eyes a warm shade of brown in constrast to the striking blue of her husband's. She was a little taller than me with a rounded frame that suggested motherhood. Esme was conservatively dressed in a black, pencil skirt that showed off well-muscled calves and had been assembled with a simple, pale blue blouse and black pumps. Her jewelry was simple and classy; she only wore her wedding rings and an intricate-looking bracelet that was partially hidden underneath the sleeve of her blouse.

"Hello Baylee." She smiled and rushed to the right side of my chair. Before I could warn her, she had her arms around me and was squeezing me gently to her warm frame.

"Hi!" I squeaked, wanting to scream in pain when her arm pushed mine into the right side of my ribcage. She let me go immediately, her expression heartbreaking as she stepped away from me.

"I'm so sorry!" She breathed and helped me from my wheelchair to the bed, being careful not to stray from my left. "I completely forgot. I've just been so anxious and excited to meet you. Did I hurt you?"

"Nah." I waved it off with a shaky smile, my eyes watery and fibbing on me as I curled up carefully on my newly made bed. I felt weird, being so underdressed against my new foster parents. But I was doing the best I could. Instantly, the blankets were across my slightly tanned legs, hiding the lack of definiton from public view as I settled my arms over the bunched hem. "It never really goes away so you didn't make me feel what I haven't already." I tried to strengthen my smile, to let her know that she really hadn't hurt me. I'd just been taken by surprise, that was all. "I'm not really used to people hugging me either, sorry."

"Oh." She started and smiled conspiritously at me as she patted my hand. "We'll have you broken of that habit in no time. I'm afraid to admit that I'm a compulsive hugger."

"But she'll treat you like glass until we get the full greenlight on your recovery." Carlisle jumped in then, the smile on his face shining brightly with love and adoration for his wife. The sight of it struck me oddly, making me feel like I was intruding on some kind of private moment. My mother and step-father had never looked at each other the way Carlisle and Esme Cullen were.

"Okay." I nodded bravely and gulped in a large amount of air. "When am I getting my bandages changed?" I could already feel some wet spots across my back from where I was still bleeding. The bandage that stretched around my right knee felt a little tight, but that was probably because I'd been standing on my leg and wasn't supposed to. I'd been lucky in some areas, only recieving surface cuts and bruises, as well as the dislocated right knee I'd sustained when I fell for the first time.

I winced involuntarily when memories of that night threatened to consume me, the tear that still parted my lower lip tightening as a result. A good section of my face had taken a beating too, but the bruises had mostly faded from my eye, cheek, and jaw. I was thankful for that. I could only imagine how my new foster parents saw me, as battered and beaten as I was.

"Are you ready to meet some of your new siblings?" Esme asked and when I saw the hopeful smile on her face, I couldn't say no. I was probably going to have a hard time doing that as time went on.

"Sure." I nodded and waved my right hand in a rolling gesture. "I doubt my appearance isn't going to get any better, bring it on."

That sent Esme into a tailspin. She whirled around quickly to face Carlisle, a scowl set deeply in her beautiful features. "I'm going to tell the others to come back. Baylee has been traveling all day."

"You're right." Carlisle agreed and kissed her forehead before he turned to face me fully. "We're going to leave you in the hands of your very capable new doctor. We won't go far. Once you're clean and in new dressings, we'll see if you're ready to meet the rest of the family then."

"Okay." I nodded again, silently grateful that they were going to give me some time to clean up before I had to face the parade of new faces. And to think, I'd been so bored just five days ago in Dallas. Now I was borderlining overwhelmed.

How quickly things changed in the course of 120 hours.

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I didn't even dare to look in the mirror beside me as a nurse worked carefully behind me. My light brown hair had been cropped off shortly after I landed in the ER in Richardson, the damage to my back also being inflicted on my waist-length hair. A light layer of fuzz now covered my scalp, making it a little easier for me to be treated without having to worry about a full head of hair. The bandages had been carefully pulled from my neck and shoulders first before the lower parts were focused on. Everything had been done in sections, there was so much damage to my skin that it couldn't be done in one complete package. I could see the distant patches of angry, red and raw skin from where medical tape had been peeled away and secured to my skin countless times.

Once Esme and Carlisle stepped out into the hall, I'd been moved into the bathroom, seated on a stool in the showerstall so that I wouldn't have to get up so I could take a bath. I already missed being able to shower in privacy.

Once the gauze had been removed from my back and side, Nurse Olivia focused on my extended right knee, chattering on happily about everything she knew of the Cullens. They had some friends on the hospital staff here and were such lovely people, as she said. But I could barely pay attention. The searing agony flaring in my 5'2" frame was reaching sickening proportions. Probably another reason I was in the shower stall. I could vomit on myself and not have to worry about messing anything up.

That was exactly what I did too, silently grateful that Olivia had thought to move away just in time to miss my stomach convulsing with the overabundance of undiluted pain.

"Sorry." I gasped, wincing at the tremors as I struggled to regain my composure. I'd never been as helpless as I was right then, with stomach acid and clear liquid running down the insides of my bare thighs. "I didn't mean to."

"Oh, nonsense." She shushed me and started the taps in front of me. I had just barely heard movement outside the door when a warm spray of water began to gently cascade over my legs. It felt absolutely wonderful against my flushed skin. I always felt overheated after throwing up. The spray concentrated on my thighs before disappearing long enough for soap to be applied. I tried to work with my nurse as best I could, knowing that I wasn't supposed to move my upper body much thanks to all the infected skin still covering my body.

Once my legs and hips had been cleaned, the front and right side of my body were concentrated on next. I wanted so badly to have my hair washed, but I remembered belatedly that I wouldn't have to worry about that for a while. I didn't have hair anymore. I just nodded and mentally checked out as she rebandaged me and pulled a new gown over my clean skin. At least she'd cleaned me up after I basically threw up in my own lap. That was something to be grateful for.

Once I'd used the bathroom and brushed my teeth, I was moved back into my bed and laid carefully against the mound of pillows that had appeared while I was in the bathroom. There was even a new bouquet of flowers and balloons in the corner of my room. Hmmm, okay, that explained the scraping I'd heard during my inventive shower.

"Is there anything else I can get you?" Olivia asked once I was still and had the blankets secured around my bare lower body. The damage was so bad I wasn't even allowed to wear underwear, or lay on any part of my body other than my stomach. At least they didn't put a cathetor in me, I'd overcome that after day three when I'd finally regained consciousness.

"Something for the pain?" I whispered, looking toward her in pititful hope as she leaned over me to hear me better.

"Of course." She nodded and patted my untubed arm then shuffled out of the room. I sighed then, in the silence that didn't last much longer than the sound echoing faintly through the room.

Esme was at my side so quickly that it startled me a little. I was more tired than I thought. "I've brought you a couple of things." She announced quietly, being mindful of her volume as she began to lay things out over my bedside tray. That was the only thing I loved about hospital rooms. Whoever had thought to make a table that could extend over a hospital bed was my kind of person.

"Thank you." I muttered, not bothering to open my eyes as she moved and clinked stuff around. I couldn't even will my eyes open when Olivia reappeared at my side and injected something into my IV tube. I didn't even have to ask to know what she was giving me. That liquid numbness was my best friend now, I would know the hazy warmth filling my veins anywhere.

"I love you." I muttered and smiled drowsily up at Olivia. She laughed, of course, and patted my hand again before leaving me with Esme.

"Get some rest, dear." She soothed, gliding her fingers over the healing patches of my forehead and temple. "You've had a very long day, I'll be here when you wake up."

I smiled at that, deeply grateful that I wouldn't be waking up alone anymore. That was the one thing that had been the hardest to contend with. My mother had always been a rare source of comfort for me, her presence doing for me what she couldn't allow herself to do. She never needed to do anything more than just sit with me whenever I needed her, light pats to my hands and arms the only action she could let herself follow through on. Brandon coming into our lives had been more difficult on her, than me. Habits she'd long-formed with my father didn't carry over into the new course of our lives. The mother I could barely remember from my days as an infant died the day she became Mrs. Brandon Carter.

The last thing I heard when I drifted off to sleep was Esme's quiet voice. Someone else had come into the room but I couldn't move to see who it was. Not with how I was laying in bed. So I just let it all go, figuring whoever the visitor was would be there when I woke up again and was allowed to sit back up. Everything could wait. The tugging blanket of unconsciousness couldn't.


	4. Chapter 4

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ You guys are just beyond awesome with all your reviews and praise! Thanks so much for taking the time to let me know how you guys are taking this new story. Y'all are probably going to want to kill me soon, but part of the story is me drawing everything out. Bare with me, I hope to make it all worthwhile in the end._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just playing in her sandbox._

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**Chapter Four:**

Opening your eyes to new surroundings always takes some getting used to. Especially when the first thing you feel is the pain that morphine is no longer ebbing.

Groaning as I shifted slightly, I couldn't force back the wince that contorted my face. I couldn't remember the last time I felt as stiff as I was right then, my muscles not wanting to work with me in the slightest. My back felt like it was on fire, reminding me very much of that night. It still hurt to think about the sequence of events that cost me my last remaining family, but it was unavoidable. I couldn't get away from that night if I wanted to.

"Baylee?" Esme's soft voice suddenly felt like a lifeline and I actually gasped in surprise when a pair of hands gently began to lift me out of my sleeping position. Once I was settled into a sitting position with my legs curled up underneath me and the blankets protectively drawn around me, I reached up and carefully rubbed the sleep from my eyes and looked up at her.

"Mornin'." I drawled out, smiling blearily at her in spite of how I felt. A movement out of the corner of my eye shocked me into complete awareness. She wasn't the only one in the room. Two figures were practically crowding the doorway. Okay, guess I was meeting more people today.

Esme seemed to notice as well and turned to frown at the shadowy figures. "I told you to wait outside! She's just woken up. Let her get her barings."

"And some painkillers." I muttered out so low I wasn't even sure she could hear me. But she reached over me and lightly tapped the call button on that ridiculously large remote attached to my bed. "I was just kidding about that." I sputtered, suddenly not wanting the woman standing beside me to think I was growing dependent on drugs. That would go over _so_ well.

"You're in pain, Baylee. There's no reason you should sit there and suffer just so we don't think badly of you. Not that we ever could." She added on thoughtfully and lightly dragged her hand over what was left of my hair. "I'm sure none of us have been as severely injured as you are."

God I hoped not. This kind of pain...well, it was something I wouldn't have wished on my worst enemy. There were times, times I refused to admit or even think about, where I wished I'd died right along with my mother and step-father. The group of women that had plagued the funeral were right. It _was_ a miracle I'd barely escaped the burning house with my life.

I winced again when flashes of that night forced their way onto the back of my eyelids. With my back and side burning as badly as it was, I had no trouble remembering the heat. I could still hear the crackling as flames licked their way through the house, destroying everything in their path. I cringed again and yelped loudly in pain when my body jolted.

One of the figures that had been hovering was suddenly beside Esme, staring at me with eyes filled with concern and sympathy. Great. The one thing I _hadn't_ wanted to see in the eyes of my new family of sorts. The girl now standing beside Esme was tiny, shorter and slighter than me. Her jet-black hair was a little longer than mine and styled perfectly in a haphazard array of spikes. Her skin was just as creamy and pale as her adoptive parents' and her eyes were a dark sort of hazel that I'd only seen on one or two people in passing. "Hi." She murmered in a striking tone of soprano-hinted bells and leaned over to give me a quick kiss on my cheek. "I'm Alice, it's so nice to finally meet you."

So I'd been right. The Cullens knew more about me than I knew of them. No doubt, Carlisle had shared my entire past with his family in preparation for my arrival. "You too." I murmered unconvincingly. My voice was still shaky with the tremors rocking through me, my face tight as I tried to keep the pain I felt internalized. These two women didn't need to sit around and listen to me writhe in agony.

Before anyone could say anything, Olivia suddenly burst into the room. The other person that had been standing beside the door finally came in further and I gasped aloud when I got a good look at the person's face. The boy looked no older than I was, with tousled bronze hair, sharp cheekbones and a clearly defined jaw. His cheeks looked hollowed, like he was overcoming the stage where baby fat was dropped for the adult characteristics. He was tall, probably over 6' and very lean. The pale blue tee shirt he wore over darker jeans stressed perfectly over his frame, outlining faint hints at muscular definition. The only word I could use to sum him up was..._beautiful_.

His eyes suddenly met mine and I was struck breathless all over again. His eyes were what got me, the most striking shade of green that I'd ever seen. They were also so expressive, even with the distance still between us. He looked so sad standing there, leaning against the wall directly in front of my bed while Olivia messed with the tubes and electrodes connecting me to several machines.

"We need to change your bandages then I'll give you a mild sedative. Does that sound like a good plan?" My nurse's voice quietly broke the trance I'd fallen into with the boy's appearance. I glanced up at her guiltily and nodded. I didn't want to continue sleeping as much as I had so I was grateful that she suggested a light tranquilizer instead of the knock out they usually gave me.

Esme and Alice joined the nameless boy as Olivia bent to try and pull me from the bed. But I must have turned too much in my sleep, the blankets were twisted around my legs and kept them flat on the mattress beneath me.

"I can help if you want." He finally spoke and his voice was so smooth and velvety that I had to remember how to breathe properly. The heart monitor behind me started annoyingly, recording the spike in my heartrate as he slowly advanced toward the bed.

Olivia looked at me for approval and I just nodded slowly. As much as I hated the thought of this boy, whatever his name was, touching me; I couldn't get out of bed without his help. Even though the head nurse in charge of my case was strong by most definitions of the word, I'd been able to work with her before. Now, I was pretty much incapacitated.

"My name's Edward Cullen." He practically breathed into my ear as he bent at the waist to gather me up into his arms. My head bobbed ever so slightly, a wince clouding my features when he put one arm underneath my knees, the other winding around the worst part of my back. He must not have known the extent of my injuries, but I still felt bad when a broken scream escaped my lips as he lifted me off the mattress. I worried instantly that he was going to drop me, I could already feel the muscles in his arms shaking slightly under the addition of my weight. But he didn't waver. Olivia broke in swiftly, yanking the blankets off my legs right as Edward twisted to settle me into the wheelchair that didn't leave my room now. I still hadn't been given clearance to walk, even though I could probably hobble a few steps. Then again, that was implying the hopping I'd have to do wouldn't jostle my charred flesh too badly.

I breathed an audilble sigh of relief when I was seated and Edward was rising back to his full height. "Thank you." I murmered, not letting myself look up at him as the nurse appeared behind my chair and began to wheel me toward the bathroom. Because I couldn't lean back against the chair, I had no leverage to wheel myself. The only reason I was allowed to sit up at all was because I'd made a promise to stay as perfectly straight as possible. The only time I relaxed was when I was laying on my stomach, or momentarily free of bandages.

"You're more than welcome." I looked up in time to see Edward Cullen smile warmly at me before his expression went curiously blank and he went back to his mother's side. I knew I looked confused as Olivia wheeled me past them, explaining quietly that I would be out shortly if Esme wanted any of the others to meet me while I was still lucid.

Another sigh of relief rang through the air once I was safely locked up in the bathroom with Olivia. She smiled patiently at me and moved me to the stool in the middle of the open shower stall. I'd long ago gotten over my embarrassment of being naked around complete strangers. Besides, it was unavoidable at this point.

That didn't mean I had to share my wounds with anyone else in my new family. I had no idea how long I still had left as an in-patient, but I could only speculate at how my home care would go.

"You're going to need to include at least one of them in this." Olivia spoke softly once she'd unbandaged my neck, back, and side. "You need to pick which one is going to be taught how to take care of your skin once you go home."

"I know." I sighed, dejectedly and slouched as much as I could without hurting myself. I'd never thought I would take simple movements for granted. It had always been something I could do, sitting however I wanted, laying and sleeping in whichever position felt most comfortable. Now I knew better. I wasn't going to take anything else for granted again. I missed normal so much more now that I was trapped in a weakened and fragile body.

Just as my nurse bent to start rebandaging me, once my shower had been completed and I felt a little more human, I reached out to gently stop her. "Wait, you're right. I guess now's as good a time as any to get them used to all of this."

Olivia nodded sympathetically and disappeared long enough to retrieve one of my new family members. I could only assume which person she picked out of the small grouping I'd left in the main part of my room. It surprised me a little when Esme walked in right behind Olivia, her beautiful face carefully arranged in maternal determination. Alice and Edward were right behind her, probably trying to get a rare glimpse of me without my bandages on. But as soon as I saw Alice wince, I yanked the shower curtain by my feet and hid myself from view. "No!"

Everyone jerked to a stop on the other side of my flimsy protection. My movements had been so sudden and unexpected that I was itching to know the thoughts flowing through everyone else's minds. More sounds followed from there and I relaxed my grip on the shower curtain when I heard the door click shut.

"Who's on the other side?" I asked uncertainly, wishing I could peek around to make sure they were going to tell me the truth.

"Just your nurse and me." Esme answered, her tone clear and calm. It was nothing like the stressed tones I knew were lying to me.

With a sigh, I relented and let Olivia push the curtain back into the left corner of the stall. "Sorry." I muttered sheepishly, directing my apology at Esme.

If she was offended by my obvious rudeness, she didn't let it show. "Perfectly all right, Baylee. Alice and Edward weren't thinking when they followed me in here."

"I know." I muttered and found more words bubbling on the tip of my tongue, escaping before I could stop them. "I just...it's tough for me to let anyone see me like this. I hate that you have to, I just want to keep the number as low as I possibly can."

"I understand." She stated again and even smiled bravely to strengthen her words. "No one will see you without your bandages until you're ready for them too."

I chewed on her words for a second, determined to find the tiny seed of deceit that always accompanied a promise being offered to me. But I couldn't find it and sighed as I slouched yet again. I dutifully eased around on the stool so that my back was facing the door now, tears unexpectedly springing to my eyes when I heard the loud gasp that fell from Esme's lips.

The damage was worse than she'd imagined. I'd bet what remained of my skin on that. She'd been placating herself this whole time, not seeing just how challenging having me come to live with her would be.

Maybe it wasn't too late for her and her husband to change their minds.


	5. Chapter 5

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Another chapter! I just wanted to let y'all know that I haven't stopped writing on __Maybe Tomorrow__. With a new story, I'm enthralled in it until I reach a point that I've been thinking a lot about. A new chapter for that one is coming very soon, I promise. But without further ado, here's more of __Breathe__. It's about to pick up, I promise. Thanks so much for all the reviews you guys have been showering this story with, I'm so grateful for each and every single one, even if I don't respond to them. I just don't know what to say sometimes! I do have to warn you guys, chapters will be slow-coming over the next week and half. I'm preparing to get married this next week, then I'll be going on my honeymoon for a week. I won't have internet access, at all. But I will be taking a spiral notebook with me so that I can keep writing and have something postable by the time I get back._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just playing in her sandbox._

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**Chapter Five:**

As it turned out, Esme didn't change her mind. Nor did she go running to Carlisle and demand he change his. After all, he _was_ the main person listed as my guardian. I still didn't know all the twists and turns that had landed me in the Cullens' care. But the longer I was around them, the less I cared.

Just three days after arriving in Seattle, I'd met the entire family. Minus two people. The Hale siblings. I still had no idea what Jasper and Rosalie Hale looked like up close.

Since meeting Edward, I'd been surprised to find him in my room more often. Whenever Esme, who was needed back in Forks to finish preparations on my bedroom, couldn't be with me, one of my new siblings were. It had amused me a little at first, even flattered me when Alice and Emmett, the biggest of the Cullen children, argued over who got to stay. Once they learned I didn't really mind them both staying, the fighting ceased. Edward only exerted his presence when the other two had something more pressing to attend to.

I was finally getting to walk around now that the swelling had gone down in my knee and Dr. Davenport no longer feared any extensive damage to muscles and tendons when my kneecap became dislodged. All in all, everything in my right leg was healing nicely. It was my upper body that he was worrying incessantly about. No one in the pool of physicians and nursing aides thought it would be a good idea for me to leave my room alone. I had to have someone with me, just in case I needed them to catch me if I fell. Falling again so soon, with my knee not yet fully healed, would probably end up requiring the surgery I'd been lucky enough to bypass last time.

Still, it was tough as hell to stay in my hospital room now that I was given clearance to get up and walk around. The Cullens had stuff to do back in Forks, they couldn't be with me twenty-four/seven. No matter how badly they wanted to.

Esme had tried to remain the same around me, but with very little luck. She'd seen the damage to my body and was now treating me like I was made of the thinest kind of glass. Just one wrong look and boom! I would instantly shatter. It was something I hadn't wanted to see happen, but I could understand it at the same time. I wouldn't have known how to treat me either, if the roles were reversed. But I was trying to downplay the constant pain as much as possible. The only time I could remember screaming with one of them in the room was the day Edward had picked me up and placed me in my wheelchair. Talk about a great first impression.

Sighing quietly, I set the pencil in my hand down and stretched my arms out. Carefully. I'd been gifted a hand-me-down CD player, headphones, and a couple of CDs recommended by the nursing staff on my floor. All to keep the boredom at bay. It just felt weird to listen to such high-paced music and not be able to do anything about it. It was almost as if I could _feel_ the bandages on my back dampening as a sort of reminder that it would be a very long time until I was able to function properly again.

Yeah, like I needed a reminder.

The CD player and sketchpad were forgotten about as I carefully climbed off my bed. Now that I could walk, I was able to start wearing normal-ish clothes on the lower half of my body. As I closed myself up in the bathroom, I felt a strange surge of relief that I'd always liked pants that rode as low as humanly possible on my hips. That wasn't a clothing change I'd have to get used to.

As soon as I left the bathroom, I realized that I wasn't alone in my hospital room anymore. Figuring it was just a nurse or someone from the hospitality staff, I trudged on, singing along quietly with the music playing quietly in my room and carefully resituated myself on my bed. Then I _really_ noticed the new figure in my room.

He was standing just inside the door, looking out of place as he took in the surroundings. I jumped in surprise then yelped loudly when I moved wrong. The boy, who couldn't look much older than I was, lurched toward my bed. The first thing I noticed was the heartbreaking amount of concern on his chisled features. His bright blonde hair was wavy and hung loose around his head, he looked about 6'0" with a very slim, yet muscular body. The fitted tee shirt he wore over baggy jeans gave only a hint at what lurked beneath the surface. I couldn't help but snicker a little when I noticed he was wearing cowboy boots. Something I definitely wasn't expecting now that I was a Washington resident.

His most striking feature, I had to admit, were bright green eyes.

"Are you okay?" Hearing him speak was like listening to my favorite song. His tone was quiet, yet fluid with just the hints of an accent. An accent I recognized easily.

Raising an eyebrow slightly at that, I managed to recover just as he reached the foot of my bed. He was waiting on me to answer. "Y...yeah." I admitted with a small incline of my head. "Who're you?"

His laughter was just as piercing as when he spoke, his eyes shifting to his feet as he turned and eased into the chair beside my bed. "Sorry, I should've thought about my appearance more than I did. I'm Jasper. Jasper Hale."

"One of the Cullens I haven't met yet." I blurted out then winced at how utterly stupid I must have sounded to this guy. There was something about him, something so insanely familiar that I was instantly put at ease. It was weird and I couldn't quite put my finger on the familiarity, something that would bug me incessantly later on when I was alone and left to my thoughts.

Jasper laughed again and nodded as he leaned his arms on his thighs and looked up at me. "Exactly. I wanted to stop by sooner, but with school and...I wanted to give you some time to get settled and rested."

"Thanks." I admitted with quiet wonder. The depth of his honesty and thoughtfulness left me momentarily dumbfounded. I didn't even _know_ this boy and he was putting my comfort level before his own. "I really appreciate that."

"I can only imagine how overwhelmed you must be by my family. They can be kind of pushy when something new happens."

I shrugged my good shoulder slightly and looked down at my lap, which was now hidden beneath mound of blankets. "No worries. After everything that happened back home, it's really nice to be so welcomed. Especially by a set of strangers who don't really have to do what they are for me."

"Well it's not going to get any better," He revealed with a quiet laugh, his head still tilted toward the floor. "I'm sorry to say. Once we get you home, Alice will more than likely have everything you lost replaced and then some."

I groaned involuntarily and unconsicously pitched forward on my bed. The movement jarred me badly, causing me to wrench upright in pain. Jasper was right there in a second, helping me sit back upright. He seemed to already know the extremely bad spots on my body and steered clear of them as he got me upright. "Need me to call a nurse? I didn't mean to cause that."

"It's okay." I gasped, doing my best to give him a reassuring smile as I pulled as much air into my lungs as possible. "I just forget sometimes...I can't move the way I used to."

"I can't imagine what that's like." His voice sounded so quietly that all I could do was look up at him. A small smile touched his perfect, wide lips as he settled on the edge of my bed, instead of moving back to the chair he vacated just seconds before. "I want to ask how bad it is, but I kinda feel that would be overstepping some."

"Not the easiest thing I've been through." I allowed with a light smile of my own. I could feel the corners of my lips tightened in pain, and if Jasper noticed, he was being nice enough to overlook it. "But...I'm sorry, I'm not ready to delve into that conversation yet. It's pretty obvious in some ways, but admitting to the rest...."

He nodded as I shook my head slowly, the concern and patience almost strengthening in his eyes as he settled on the foot of my bed. With my legs curled up, he had plenty of room, but was maintaining some distance. For me. "I can see some of it." He agreed and gestured at the side of his neck, indicating where my own was bandaged. All the way up to my buzzed hairline. "Did they cut your hair because...?"

I winced when he trailed off, then shot him an apologetic look. He didn't even have to finish his question, I already knew what he was trying to get at. "Yeah." I nodded slightly and looked back down at my hands, twisting my fingers together then disentangling them in a nervous habit I'd always had. "But I'm just happy my face is finally starting to heal. I got a glimpse at the pictures they took when I was first admitted and...I wasn't even recognizable."

"Your accident was that bad?" I glanced up at his question and instantly had to look away. The grief tensing his expression caused my stomach to lurch violently.

"Yeah." I agreed again, hating that I was letting him keep the false information. There'd been no _accident_ in my injuries. The only accident was probably my survival. Shaking my head slightly, mostly to clear away any unwanted thoughts, I suddenly looked up at him and smiled. "Okay, enough about me. I need to know more about you and your family. I know a little bit about everyone else, but I don't know anything about you. Where're you from originally?"

Jasper smiled in a way that I could only describe as bashfully when the topic of conversation was switched onto him. Abruptly, I realized that he didn't really like being the center of attention. He seemed very comfortable in the background, letting everyone else have the spotlight. "Texas. I lived there until I was about nine or ten. Then Carlisle adopted me shortly after and I've been moving around with him and his family every since."

"Wow." I breathed, my lips parting around the extra syllables I'd put into the word. "I'm from Texas too."

"Really?" The grin on his face looked more genuine and I could see him relaxing visibly in front of me. "I thought I recognized your accent, but I didn't want to assume."

"I was wondering about yours too." I revealed with a quiet laugh, really surprised now by just how comfortable I felt with this boy. I'd only just met him, but yet I was struck by this weird sense of deja vue. It was _almost_ as if I'd met Jasper Hale once before. In a lifetime long since forgotten and pushed aside in order to deal with a much more different reality. I couldn't remember the last time I'd felt as comfortable around someone as I did with him.

What _was_ I getting myself into by letting the Cullens become my legal guardians?!


	6. Chapter 6

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Updating this story too before I go! I had a creative streak with both and decided to get these posted before I left on my honeymoon. I hope to have another chapter for you guys when I get back. I more than appreciate all the praise and love you guys are throwing my way. It means so much to me and I can't wait to see what you guys think of this new one. Apologizing now for the length, this is probably the longest chapter I've posted on this story yet._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just playing in her sandbox._

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**Chapter Six:**

Every since that first day I met Jasper Hale, he was in my hospital room more and more. In fact, I was beginning to spend more time with him than anyone else in his family, aside from Esme.

She had been badgering my doctor for days, wondering when I was going to get clearance to come home. I was so far behind in school that I was actually afraid of the time it would take for me to catch up. Esme and Carlisle didn't share my sentiment. They already had a plan all worked out for when I would officially move to Forks. Alice was excited by the prospect of it, honestly scaring me with her endless bounds of energy. I'd never met anyone like her, but I was a little envious of my new family. Something I would never vocally tell them about, but I was envious nonetheless.

I couldn't help but smile from my place in bed when Jasper strolled in. I'd gotten a crash course in the strange entanglements the Cullen family presented. He had made good on his word and filled me in on every single thing I would need to know about the people I was coming to live with.

When Carlisle and Esme couldn't have children of their own, they decided to start adopting. Esme had even given birth to a child, which rounded her body out into the slim hourglass figure she still held. But the baby hadn't survived beyond a week, my heart breaking into pieces for the couple when I heard that. That was when they decided to stop trying, for fear of Esme's health and any possible baby they might have in the future, and started the process of adoption.

Emmett and Edward had come first. Emmett had been the first son adopted by the Cullens. He'd been the product of two parents that weren't quite ready for the responsibility of an infant son. Just two years after his adoption was finalized, just shy of his third birthday, they were given Edward as a foster child. He was only three when he entered the foster care system, both of his parents dying in a horrific car accident. He'd survived also, but because of his age, had no recollection of the collision that took his parents from him. He'd been five when his adoption became legal and he went from Edward Anthony Masen, to Edward Anthony Masen Cullen. It had been important to Esme and Carlisle, from the very beginning, that their children remembered the people that had sired them. They didn't want their little boys to feel like their past was completely being errased, just because they were being adopted. Emmett, who had been born without a middle name, was able to keep his father's last name, tacking it on between his first and new surname.

Rosalie Lillian Hale was next to join the Cullen family. She couldn't remember what had caused her to end up in foster care, but never really asked. Esme and Carlisle knew, of course, but wouldn't tell anyone unless Rosalie decided she wanted to know. Jasper was found shortly after her adoption was made final, deciding to take on Rosalie's last name so that she wouldn't be the only one with a different name. It had surprised me when he said this, claiming that he couldn't even remember his original last name. He had only been nine when he lost his own parents, and hadn't done the best job of handling it all.

My heart hurt for him when we got to the part of his story. The loss of his parents was probably one of the most tragic stories I'd ever heard in my life. His father had been a cop, just months shy of his promotion to detective. In what was supposed to be a routine traffic stop, Jasper's father had ended up losing his life instead. His mother, so consumed with grief and misery, couldn't cope and ended up taking her own life. It hadn't mattered to her that she was leaving her young son behind, that didn't really register in her mind. She could only focus on what she had lost; the love of her life. From there, Jasper had been put in the foster care system and ended up being relocated out of Texas. He'd bounced around from home to home, not being able to find anyone to take him in until the Cullens came along. It was really a no-brainer, he'd stated causally. Once he met Dr. and Mrs. Cullen, the only thing he seemed to want was being their son. He'd retreated so far into his own mind, a defence mechanism to help him cope, that he'd lost a good portion of his memories.

Alice was last to join this strange and large family. Her story was a little less tragic than Jasper's had been. She seemed to come from a sort of similar background that I did. Her parents had been completely wrong for each other, and hadn't been prepared at all for Alice's arrival. There was something about her that had freaked her parents out, something about her basic genetic makeup that they didn't want anything to do with. So she was given up for adoption. She'd spent some time in a mental institution, but once nothing out of the ordinary could be found, she started the same circuit as her siblings. Eventually, the Cullens stepped in and Mary Alice Brandon became Mary Alice Cullen by the time she was ten.

All in all, I had the strangest notion that the doctor and his wife just wove happy endings wherever they went. I couldn't help but wonder what this would do for me. How was my story going to be changed by this family coming in to take care of me? I was considerably older than the others had been when Esme and Carlisle stepped in, but maybe that wouldn't matter? Maybe every single bad thing that had happened to me was like some sort of cosmic setup for something bigger and better?

God, I hoped so. Life couldn't get much worse from my standpoint.

"Hey." I couldn't help but smile as he settled into the chair he always took, the one located to the left of my bed. There was no mistaking the smile playing on his own lips and I briefly noticed a mischevious twinkle in his bright eyes before I forced myself to look away. It was rude to stare, after all. "I thought you weren't driving up today, what changed?"

I noticed his smile grow bigger out of the corner of my eye and I felt a weird drop in my stomach as a result. Shaking my head mentally, I couldn't help but wonder why I was having the reactions to him that I was. And even worse, similar occurances happened whenever Edward decided to drop by and see me.

"Esme wanted to come up and talk to your doctor again. So I asked to come. I figured you could use some time out of this room since you're now free to walk around." He answered but his smile faltered about a half second after he spoke his last word. "You are allowed to, right? I won't be breaking any rules?"

"Any...?" I trailed off in confusion, my face twisting into what I hoped mirrored my words. I still couldn't get a full grip on myself whenever I was with a member of the large Cullen family. I didn't want them to have any negative thoughts of me. The possiblity of that made my stomach clench involuntarily. "Okay, what're you talking about Jasper?"

A quiet laugh bubbled past his lips and he was on his feet again without any real explanation. I just watched in helpless wonder as he gathered up the clothes set aside for whenever I wanted to walk around and held them out for me. "Indulge me, please? You look like you could use some fresh air and it's strangely a beautiful day in Seattle."

That simple statement alone clued me in to what he had in store for us. Without another word or thought of protesting, I nodded carefully and slid to the edge of my bed. It surprised me a little when Jasper stepped forward, holding my sweat pants out for me to slide my legs into. He'd been in the room during one of the first times I tried to dress myself without assistance. I'd wanted to see if I could do at least one thing on my own, but I'd only ended up screaming in pain when I moved wrong, causing the muscles in my back to ripple up against damaged skin and stretch the area tight. After that, I was completely content to let whoever help.

Once I was dressed in the sweat pants, a pair of pale blue, fuzzy slippers that Alice had bought me so I wouldn't have to use the ones donated by the hospital, I uncertainly climbed to my feet. Jasper was right there, letting me grip his arm as tightly as I needed as gravity adjusted around me. My smile was the greenlight and then we were slowly making our way out of the room.

A few of the nurses on the floor recognized Jasper Hale and smiled timidly at him as we passed, casting me a sympathetic smile when they noticed the gauze that disappeared beneath the collar of my hospital gown. He'd really come through for me today, lending me an oversized, plain black zip-up hoodie to put on over the gown. I didn't really like the idea of walking around the hospital with my back of bandages exposed to the entire world. Plus it just helped if I was as covered as possible whenever I dared to step outside. Even though I was technically out of the woods of any possible infection, the risk was still there. It would probably always be there, if my new doctor was right.

He usually was.

"Sorry." I mumbled sheepishly when we had to stop for the second time. We hadn't even made it to the elevator yet and I'd already needed to stop for a minute. I couldn't remember the last time it had hurt so much to walk. Probably the time I'd broken my ankle during softball practice, I'd had to hobble off the diamond and into the school so the nurse could diagnose me properly. It hadn't really been that hard with blood oozing down my foot, creating a path behind me while the bone protruded sickeningly from the tear in my skin. I still had a tiny scar there, but it wasn't the worst of my battle wounds anymore. Not by a long shot. But at least this one had been inflicted accidentally. All for love of the game.

"For what?" Jasper's voice was quiet and melodically deep as he folded my good arm into his. He couldn't do much if I happened to fall, we both knew that, but the comfort I gained from the simple connection was more than I could've asked for. I hated whenever a person approached me now and was fearful of touching me. Jasper wasn't like that, he wasn't afraid to hurt me. He only wanted to keep me from possibly hurting myself. Sadly, that wasn't something I could say about the rest of his family. Edward was still extremely timid around me, like one wrong move could shatter me and set my progress back.

I sighed then and gestured around us before I started to fumble my way toward the open, waiting elevator door. "I used to not be this slow. I hate that I am now and I don't want you getting aggravated."

He chuckled at my words and shook his head empathetically. "Baylee, I understand that you're hurt. Extremely hurt by majority standards. So we have to walk slowly to get where we're going. I'm okay with that and hey, I invited you on this little excursion. I know what I'm getting myself into."

The bitter little laugh that contorted my lips was beyond my control. He knew what he was getting himself into. The double meaning behind one statement was staggering.

"What?" His soft voice filled my ears again once we were inside the elevator and I was carefully gripping the low bar that ran horizontally around the box of wood-paneled walls. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No." I quickly looked up at him and winced when I did so. I'd never thought to curse my height more than I did now. The skin on my neck drew tightly together at the action and the tape across my hairline restricted painfully against the light sheen of hair it had been smoothed over. "I just...it's nothing."

Jasper raised an eyebrow but didn't question me further. He was good about doing that, letting me talk whenever I was ready. He didn't push and after years of having that kind of influence in my life, I was grateful for the polar opposite.

I just wished it hadn't come in the form of a gorgeous, 6'0", blonde teenage boy that would probably end up being like a brother to me. Guys had never really given me much notice before, not that I'd ever really wanted them to. There had been a couple, maybe one or two that stood out from the crowd and tried to get to know me. They were usually rebuffed before they could get too close to noticing the inner walls I'd wrapped myself up in.

The silence lasted as we rode down to the little area where patients were allowed to sit outside and enjoy the climate. I had to sit in a wheelchair, it was manditory. Plus with the look Jasper was giving me, I had no other options. So I sat down and let him wheel me outside. Before I knew it, the sun was shining on the exposed pieces of my skin and it felt glorious. There was a slight chill to the wind but I didn't feel it. Not in the least.

Jasper settled on a bench beside me with his arms resting on his thighs, staring out at the green landscape laid out in front of us. Seattle, what little I saw of it, was beautiful. This kind of setting just didn't exist in Richardson. "What's on your mind?"

I looked over at him suddenly and jumped slightly at a sudden stab of pain. "I haven't been outside in a really long time." I whispered, looking away yet again and focused on a tree about half a foot away. I couldn't bring myself to look at him and see the expression crossing his face. I had no idea what he was thinking or feeling and suddenly, I didn't want to know. I was a little afraid of all the things going through his head. This was the lowest point of my life and my new family had ring-side seats to me picking myself back up.

"There's more." He revealed quietly, unconsciously shifting a little closer to me. "I don't want to push you or get you to talk about something you aren't ready to, but I can't shake this feeling. I want you to know that you can talk to me, about anything. Even though we just met and barely know anything about each other."

I drew in a shaky breath and inclined my head ever so slightly in acknowledgement. He had a point, in a weird round-about sort of way. I _did_ feel like I could talk to him about anything. He just had that instant familiarity that I hadn't found in any one else that had crossed my path. It was almost as if I'd known him in another life or something, providing I even believed in things like that. So when the words just started to build up on the tip of my tongue, I didn't push them back like I would have normally. "I don't have many bright spots in my life. So when I see one, or I realize I'm living in one, I try to embrace it as much as possible." I sighed and looked down at my lap, the right corner of my mouth, which just so happened to be the side he could see, twisted slightly to lift into a hint of a smile. "I'm a prisoner in my own body. I can't move without wanting to pass out from the pain. I can't...sit normally or even dress myself anymore and it's such a weird mental space to be in. I've been taking care of myself since I was nine, depending on me and me alone to get the things I needed in order to survive."

"That's an awfully young age to be so independent." Jasper broke in gently, his smooth voice still soft and unruffled. "Why nine? What changed?"

"Everything." I admitted and spread my good arm out in front of me before letting it drop on my thighs. At least I could do that without wincing! "My step-father kicked his torture up a notch, my best friend and his family left town. I was completely and totally alone. I didn't have a safe place to go anymore like I'd had before."

I finally looked over at him and instantly regret it. Not because I'd actually revealed something about myself. No, not that. It was the look on his face, the painful twists and contortions of his expression that stabbed at me deeply. I couldn't quite figure it out, but I had a sinking suspicion that he was somehow trying to piece something together. That, underneath everything I'd just admitted, lay something he recognized. It was stupid and probably foolish to have this thought floating through my mind, but I did. I couldn't push it away no matter how hard I suddenly tried. Swallowing thickly, I looked back down at my legs and sighed again. "But now, now I'm in a new place and I have these people that want to let me into their home. I'm the lowest I've ever been and you guys are having to see that, I hate that people are actually seeing me as beaten and broken as I am now. As much as I appreciate and absolutely love the gesture from your family, I can't help looking for the strings. I can't let myself relax and just let things happen. That's not who I am anymore and I _hate_ that. I hate that a very solid piece of my personality was ripped away from me without my consent."

"I know what you mean." Jasper was now speaking so softly that I was barely sure I had heard him right. I would have asked, natural course of action, but something told me not to. I couldn't encroach on his spoken train of thought. It felt...wrong. Like I had no business trying to piece together the sudden mystery that had been presented to me. All in the form of Jasper Hale, the quiet adopted son of Carlisle and Esme Cullen.


	7. Chapter 7

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **__New chapter! I hope you guys like this one, about half of it was written while I was on vacation. The idea of this chapter was just too good to pass up. Thanks so much for the reviews, but just know that I'm not revealing anything until it's put into the story. Where's the fun in just giving you guys the good stuff outright? Okay, enough teasing aside. Here's the next installment, I should be posting the next chapter sometime before the weekend._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just playing in her sandbox._

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**Chapter Seven:**

I'd tried to envision what the Cullens' house looked like. It had helped pass the time while I waited to be released.

Driving up to the house, situated carefully in the backseat next to Edward, I learned my imagination had failed me miserably. Nothing could have prepared me for the large while house that stretched out before me.

The house was set a good mile or two back from the main road. Trees obscured the property and I had a feeling no one would be able to find this place unless they knew right where it was. The house itself was more like a mansion than a house, with a wide porch stretching across the front end of the building and disappeared around the back. Large windows helped create an openness against the wide clearing of grass.

The car, Carlisle's black Mercedes, slid to a smooth stop about three feet from the porch's opening. Everyone filed out and as I shifted to get out myself, the door opened and Edward suddenly reappeared on my right side.

The smile on his face nearly stole my breath and as I carefully rose to my feet, I was grateful to no longer be hooked to a heart monitor. I could only imagine the amount of embarrassment I would've sustained right then, had I still been an inpatient. He held my hand loosely in his larger one and gently pulled me toward the house. The Cullens that hadn't come to Seattle were already standing outside. I recognized Alice almost immediately, a mega-watt grin on her angelic face. I still couldn't believe that someone I'd just met was staring at me the way she was. Being around Alice Cullen felt like I'd known her my entire life. She just had that presence about her, a personality that invited you in without wanting to ever let go.

"Are you okay?" Edward's soft voice was flawless as he leaned over me protectively, trying to cushion my weight with the small steps I began taking toward the porch.

I braved a small incline of my head and noticed the rest of the figures on the porch. Jasper was off to the right of Alice, a thoughtful expression on his face as he held his arms crossed over the front of his artfully faded tee shirt. I couldn't make out the cracked lines of white that made up the emblem on the front of his dark gray shirt, but I looked away instinctively when his green eyes landed on me.

"Um...." My steps faltered then as a new thought seized me, yanking me mercifully from the serious gaze of Edward's brother. "How am I going to get up on the porch? I haven't mastered stairs yet." None of my nurses thought I was ready for that kind of exertion yet, not with the gauze still stressed painfully over my charred skin.

Emmett, who had come up on my left side, smiled lazily and motioned for me to stop and turn around. "Already one step ahead of you, Bay. I promise I'll try my best not to hurt you."

Gulping noisily, I just nodded and managed a quick peek up at Edward before I moved closer to his large, burly brother. Even though Emmett Cullen was huge and intimidating, the looks on his face made him look more like a teddy bear than a vicious grizzly. His nature was so laid back that I couldn't help the comfort I noticed as he gently pulled my wrists toward his neck.

"Don't move, okay?" His low, gravely voice was right in my ear now as he knelt in front of me. "I'll do all the work, just stay as relaxed as you can."

Easier said than done, dude.

I somehow managed to keep the screams of pain in my throat as Emmett lifted me effortlessly off the ground. His fingers dug into my thighs as he lifted me up against his chest, bringing us eye-level for the very first time and I carefully wound my legs around his hips. I couldn't help thinking about Rosalie and how she was taking this brilliant idea. Emmett was very much Rosalie's in every single way. Her mark on him was extremely hard to miss, even to the newest of strangers.

His large, muscular arms locked just underneath my butt and he absorbed as much of the impact as he could as he carefully climbed the stairs. I felt my eyes watering a bit as he paused on each step, probably giving me ample time to adjust before he moved on. I was extremely grateful that such a large boy was so willing to treat me the way I needed to be right then. Even though I hated depending on others for help and support, I could now admit that I needed it. Even though Emmett would probably tease me mercilessly later, at least I would be in the house and as comfortable as possible.

I wasn't released until we were inside the house. Emmett had to practically sink to his knees just so I could regain my footing and when I turned around to survey my new home, a broken gasp filled my throat. The inside of this lustrious house was even more breathtaking than the exterior I'd encountered on the drive up. The entire color scheme of the first floor, which I could see blending into the few rooms that made up the front end of the house was soft beiges and whites. There was an unmistakable air of calmness and relaxation with the decor, muscles in the undamaged parts of my body relaxing on impulse.

"I'll give you a tour of the house later, but for now, let's get you to your room so we can get those bandages changed." Esme practically breathed her words into my ear, startling me just enough to cause me to flinch away from her. I shot her a sheepish smile and inclined my head in the nod the Cullens had already grown accustomed to. It was almost as if I was creating a whole new language with my foster family.

Alice skipped gracefully to my side and a pang of jealousy shot through me. Instantly, I chided myself for it. After all, it wasn't _her_ fault that she could move so much better than I was able to. Her delicate arm looped easily around my undamaged elbow and she gently started to pull me further into the house.

"Easy Alice, she's still very breakable." Jasper teased as he came up behind us, his accent slipping through the cracks of syllables. It was so relaxing, through a little disconcerting, to find a familiarity so far from the only home I'd ever known.

"I'm being more than careful!" She responded defensively, or so I assumed, then turned her head to stick her tongue out at him. His answering laugh was a soothing harmony of bass as he fell into step on my other side. "I just happen to know she's practically dead on her feet. The trip took a lot out of her."

How'd she known _that_? I was probably more transparent than I was giving myself credit for. I still refused to look in any reflective surface. The last thing I needed right then was to see just how badly I'd been damaged.

The only irritation I felt at my snail's pace was my own as everyone followed Alice, Jasper, and me to my bedroom. Esme chattered on happily behind me and I didn't need to look to see the tears in her eyes. I could hear every droplet clearly in her voice.

"I hope you don't mind that we chose a bedroom on the first floor. It's only temporary and we're already working on a more permanant one on the second floor. This way, you don't have to worry about stairs and the bathroom is very close to your bedroom. Though I do apologize now, you'll be using the bathroom our guests do when we entertain."

I just bobbed my head and winced as I let Alice twirl me around to face the closed door that led into my bedroom. Walking inside paled horribly in comparison to the hasty image my mind had erected. The door was the same wood paneling that made up the banister and detailing on the open entrances into the dining room and kitchen. Jasper was the one to push the door aside, revealing four soft white walls with carpet I instantly wanted to feel beneath my bare toes.

The thick flooring was just two shades darker than the walls, blending perfectly into the molding that lined the lowest symmetry of walls. Esme hadn't put a mirror in the room, which I was grateful for, and the doors indicating my closet were slatted wood that were the same color as my door, with slightly darker knobs set side by side against the tiny opening between them.

"I didn't close the doors all the way, they're a little tricky to pull open if you're not used to them." Alice seemed to take up right where Esme had left off, giving me every single detail and morsal of information I'd need about my new living space. I just nodded in her general direction, suddenly too focused on the pristine bed that took up a good portion of the room.

The mattress was wide and inviting, looking soft even from where I stood with a pale blue blanket set hiding the mattress and boxspring. The headboard was wooden as well, curving toward the wall behind it slightly at the top. The rest of the frame was hidden beneath the bedding but I knew it was safe to assume the wood matched the rest of the fixtures. An intable was nestled on either side of the bed; probably one for artifacts I could later collect and put on display, while the other served for the medications and creams I still needed. Those were already littering the surface of the table tucked between the bed and northern wall. The molding of a large window with white lace curtains started right where the second intable ended, a tiny figurine made of glass tucked protectively behind the sheer netting. I couldn't see it from where I stood, but the outline suggested something mythical.

Edward appeared in the room, smiling as his eyes traveled the path mine had taken without my knowledge. "The girls all decided to get you that. Even Rosalie."

Even Rosalie?! That simple statement caused me to bodily turn toward Edward. I heard a faint snicker behind me and automatically assumed it to be from Emmett. I'd had barely any interaction with the beautiful blonde that could weaken even the most famous supermodel's ego, and yet she was helping the others to give my room personal touches.

"What?" Edward's voice was patient, but the smile on his face was kinda ruining the effect. It was weird how one smile, exuding smug amusement, could weaken my knees and turn my thought process inside out. As much as I was trying to keep everyone at bay, I was failing miserably.

I would never have been able to predict how being around the Cullens would make me feel. I knew that this next phase of my life was going to be the most difficult yet. I was grieving my mother and recovering from my own part of the horrific attack. They were serving as the perfect distraction, giving me some distance from everything that assaulted me when I was alone with my own thoughts and emotions.

"Okay." Esme's voice suddenly broke through my disjointed thoughts and brought me crashing back to my new bedroom. I actually jumped, followed by a sharp wince and another set of snickers from the biggest Cullen. I turned toward him to send my best glare his way, but was yet again cut off by Esme's warm, yet motherly voice. "Baylee's had a busy day and needs some time to rest and relax. That means shoo!"

I nearly doubled over in laughter as Mrs. Cullen started to push her children toward the door. A few sighs and disgruntled whines pierced the air, causing me to laugh even more before finally, I was left alone with Esme.

"Let's get you changed so you can lay down and sleep. You look like you didn't get much rest last night."

"I didn't." I answered honestly and sighed as I turned so that my new foster mother could start helping me undress. Even though I could lift my arms up to run parallel with my shoulders, I was still being discouraged from it. Mostly by Carlisle, who was going to be overseeing my home care. Like a hawk with help, from the look on Esme's face. "I guess I was too keyed up about today. Plus they didn't give me the nightly painpill my body's used to."

Again, _why_ did I have to go and admit stuff I didn't want this woman to know?!


	8. Chapter 8

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ New chapter! I apologize now if things seem to be moving slowly, I'm sure everything will start picking up in the next chapter or two. Any suggestions/ideas you guys might have are more than welcome! I only have a basic outline for what I want to happen with this story, and it's still a little tricky for me to be writing in an all-human perspective. Thanks so much for the reviews, please keep 'em comin'!_

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just playin' in her sandbox._

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**Chapter Eight:**

Two days with the Cullens and I had _yet_ to get used to it all. It felt weird to be in a house where so many things happened. Even though I'd barely left my room in the past two days, I quickly picked up on the Cullen family's routine.

Carlisle was always the first one to leave if he had a morning shift. Most of the time, he was scheduled for nights but that didn't really disrupt the balance everyone had created. I still couldn't believe this was how a family functioned. They all worked around each other's schedules and usually, without even being asked to do so. Everyone pitched in, minus me since I was still technically laid up. The only complaints that would drift to my part of the house came from Emmett, but he was never serious.

Personally, I was willing to bet Emmett Cullen would drop dead of shock if he ever lasted longer than five minutes in the seriousness department. But that was just me.

I was starting to get restless, having laid on my stomach all day and stared blankly at the wall ahead of me. I hadn't really given much thought to getting up and surveying the rest of the house. Especially since I was confined to the first floor. But the thought _had_ occured to me, usually only to be followed by a sharp pain up my spine. It was a school day, so all the Hale and Cullen children were gone, leaving me with Esme, who was in and out. I always knew when she got home, she was infallable in coming and apologizing for leaving me alone. Her trips didn't really last long and I knew the world didn't stop just because she had a foster child in need of constant care. I didn't want her to ever think or feel that way toward me.

Something rustled directly behind me, causing me to twist my right hand toward the general direction. I was in so much pain, and unwilling to acknowledge it, that any movement hurt. My neck was stiff on my shoulders from my position but I refused to say anything. I didn't want the others to think that I was too weak to face this on my own.

"You okay?" As soon as I heard that velvety voice, I wanted to groan and die of shame. Esme hadn't put me in clothes when she changed my bandages after lunch. She'd just pulled the covers up over my butt and left the uncovered patches of skin exposed. Luckily, my breasts were tucked beneath me, but still. I felt raw and damaged in front of my sudden company.

"Yeah." I mumbled, the simple word coming out garbled against the mattress beneath me. I heard a ghost of laughter behind me and I wanted to kick Edward in the teeth. Hard. With enough force to knock out the perfect lines his teeth created beneath smooth and majorly kissable lips. I mentally kicked myself then and sighed again as I started to move my arms underneath me. "Can you get your mom? I want to get up and...."

The last thing I wanted to happen was the one thing that did. Instead of going to get Esme, as I'd asked, he moved toward the bed and gently wrapped his arms around my blanketed hips. "Stop." I gasped, my breaths coming out ragged as I tried to move in several different ways. All at once.

Edward kept moving, gently trying to pull me into an upright position as another burst of noise errupted behind me.

"What's going on?" Of course. Jasper Hale's appearance was the only thing that could make this moment so much more embarrassing than it already was.

I was set on my feet, with my back still facing Edward before a shirt appeared in front of me. Breathing a silent sigh of relief, I could only drape it in front of me, curling one arm across my breasts as I slowly turned to face Jasper and Edward. I could feel the flush in my cheeks, stained red by blood and exertion. It took a lot to keep from screaming like a banshee.

"I was wanting to get up. Edward just has an unconventional way of helping out." I muttered, keeping my eyes on the plush carpet beneath my bare feet. Esme had thankfully helped me into a pair of boyshorts, providing they could even be constituted as that since they barely covered anything, so I didn't feel entirely exposed. Plus there was the yards of gauze wrapped tightly around my body.

"Baylee, you're bleeding." Jasper's voice was soft, but horrorstruck as he reached out for my stomach. I glanced down and yelped in pain as I shied away from his outstretched hands.

"I'm fine." I breathed and focused on breathing evenly for a minute then looked up at both of them individually. "I probably just had a new blister rupture. Can one of you please get Esme for me?"

It was evident that neither boy was going to move and somehow, it just angered me even more. "Fine." I clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth and started to ease between them. It was a tight fit and probably going to hurt like hell, but I wasn't about to stand there, bleeding and half-naked in front of two guys that unnerved me in the worst ways. "I'll do it."

"Baylee!" Edward called out and Jasper grabbed me gently by the waist. I yelped mostly out of surprise, the pain setting in just a minute later when my back bounced off his chest.

"You're hurting me." I gasped, wanting to double over in pain automatically. Jasper released me almost instantly, seeming to realize what he'd done and backed toward the door.

"I'll be right back with Esme." He declared quietly, his bass voice somehow deeper as it dropped to barely above a whisper. I had to struggle to accurately hear him. I just inclined my head toward him, glanced at Edward then turned back toward the bed. Suddenly, probably from the embarrassment I was still battling, I didn't want either one of them in the room right then. Standing too close to them was clearly a bad idea. Not just because I was still so sore and raw, but because of everything they were making me feel. Every single thing in this house was a new experience. I couldn't help but wonder when that was going to end. Hopefully soon since I wasn't entirely sure how much more my emotions could take.

I didn't hear Edward when he silently stole from the room. One minute he was standing behind me and the next, I was alone. I didn't have to wait long for Esme to appear, bandages and creams in hand as she prepared for the ritual we'd adopted.

"What's wrong, Baylee?" Her quiet voice was soothing as she stretched a towel out over the top of my sheets and helped me lay down. I waited until I was situated before I even thought about speaking. Right now, doing two things at once seemed like a really bad idea.

"Just wasn't expecting Edward to help me up." I sighed the words out, which were once again becoming jumbled thanks to my new position. Not to mention the fact that when he picked me up, I was virtually naked. A new fear was beginning to settle in the pit of my stomach. I just did not want either boy to see the damage done to my body. I already felt inferior to the impossible beauties in this house, I wasn't about to make things worse by admitting my most secret of secrets.

Esme appeared beside me and nodded as she began to gently disentangle the gauze against my back. "That's understandable. I probably didn't help matters by leaving you as undressed as you are. But you have nothing to worry about. Everyone in this house simply adores you, Baylee."

Scoffing in spite of my desire to squelch it, I just frowned and turned my head carefully to face her once the gauze on that area had been removed. I needed to 'air out' for a little bit. Esme seemed to know that and had mercifully closed the door behind her. "I'm sorry but I somehow doubt that. But they don't need to see me like this. And I have to admit...it's a little ego-crushing for them to."

My foster mother sighed and dropped back onto her heels, once she'd addressed my still-bleeding stomach, then shook her head sadly at me. "Baylee, when are you going to learn? Sweetie, there's nothing to be embarrassed or upset about. You surviving is a miracle. This is all a testiment to what you've endured to continue living. I would say you should be proud of them, but I can only imagine what kind of pain you're in. Not to mention the pain you will be in as this continues to heal. But we're here for you, honey. Please don't keep pushing us away, it might only make things worse for you in the end."

I could only wave my hand in response as she leaned over me to work. She was making sense, something all mothers had a tendency of doing. I wondered idly, as Esme's soft and feathery touch flew over my back and shoulder, what kind of advice my own mother would have in this situation. What would she say about all the new changes in my life and that I was now feeling something for not one, but two of my new family members? Would she encourage me to embrace all these new changes? To let my guard down and just _live_ in the moment?

I'd never been able to do that. I was too much of a control freak to let things happen naturally to me. And, whenever I did so, it usually backfired on me in some way. After nearly seventeen years of having to watch my every single move, it was engrained in every single bone and muscle of my body. I didn't know how to function any other way.

"I'm trying, Esme. I promise." And I was, trying harder than I had in a very long time.

"I know." She replied softly, lightly patting a good piece of my injured arm before she settled on the bed beside me. "I just hate how difficult things are for you. I wish we could make it easier on you, that you didn't have to be in as much pain as you're in."

"I appreciate you saying that." I really did, but I knew this was something I had to deal with on my own. No one could just switch bodies with me and deal with this as I lounged around in another set of skin. Gross thought, but it was all I had at the moment.

Esme started moving around again, helping me sit up long enough for an oversized button-down to be put on my upper body. I didn't feel like getting up to put anything else on, so the pair of shorts Esme had selected was put back in the dresser to the right of my bed. The worse part of my injuries, though covered in gauze and medical tape, were covered and I felt a little more comfortable. It was weird how a simple shirt, which came from an unknown closet, could change some of my outlook.


	9. Chapter 9

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Yet another chapter! Some things are starting to come out in the open now, hope you guys are enjoying the journey! Reviews are appreciated, adored, and hoped for. Apologizing again for the short chapters, I don't know what's going on with my lengths now!_

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just playin' in her sandbox._

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**Chapter Nine:**

It was surprisingly sunny in Forks and I was being allowed to sit outside. Carlisle had been against the idea at first, worried that I would be risking making my injuries worse. But after Esme and Alice bundled me up, making sure my bandages held, I was camped out on the front porch to watch everyone clowning around in the backyard.

Emmett and Edward had started out horsing around, laughing easily as they wrestled in the wide berth of grass. It surprised me how many times Edward managed to pin his larger brother, strings of curses vibrating past Emmett's lips every single time. It was more amusing than I would ever admit, but I loved being able to see my new family as carefree as they were. Even Alice and Rosalie were getting in on the action, which surprised me given what I knew about both girls.

I'd never seen Alice any other way but perfectly put together. The same with Rosalie. Both girls were so avidly into clothes that I couldn't help wondering how things would be when I was healthy enough to be able to wear normal clothes again. Edward had already joked that they would probably start looking at me like some oversized Barbie doll to play with.

Not the most settling thought for a tomboy from Texas.

"Having fun?" I jumped and looked up in surprise when Rosalie settled down beside me. Her bright blonde hair was still perfectly smooth down her back, clothes unruffled from the roughhousing she'd abandoned to come talk to _me_, of all people.

"A little." I flashed her a small girn then let it fade from my lips when she looked back out at the yard. "How come you're not out there with them?" In Rosalie's absence, 'them' had come to consist of Emmett, Edward, Alice, and Jasper. I could feel Esme's eyes on me from her place at the kitchen window.

"You looked like you could use some company." She replied with a simple shrug of her shoulders. "I can't imagine being in your place, too injured to have any fun."

"It's no picnic." I allowed, sighing as I began to unknowingly focus on Jasper as he caught Alice and began to twirl her around. I couldn't help but be in awe of how they interacted with each other. The game they'd become engrossed in looked oddly familiar. Like somehow, I'd seen a body move the exact same way Jasper's was.

"I'm sorry," Rosalie's soft voice snapped my thoughts at once, causing me to look at her in horrorstruck surprise.

"What for?"

"Reminding you of what you can't do." She answered and her gorgeous face twisted into an equally stunning grimace. "I can't say I know what you're going through. But I do empathize. I was actually surprised when I came outside and found you sitting here, smiling and laughing. I half expected...."

"Let me guess," I couldn't help but laugh a little as I broke in gently. "You expected me to be locked up in my bedroom, sobbing and all 'woe-is-me'. Am I right?"

"Um, yeah." Rosalie laughed too, only a small amount of embarrassment bleeding into her amused expression. "I'm sorry." She finally spoke once our snickers had dried up, her face suddenly somber. "I had you pegged all wrong, Baylee."

"No worries." I replied with a small wave of my hand. "I'd be lying if I said I haven't had those days. But no one saw them, or at least I hope no one did." I broke off suddenly and pretended to grimace. "I'm not even sure I was _conscious_ for some of them." I half-joked, smiling lightly before a sigh contorted my lips. I'd always prided myself on being able to find the humor in any situation. No matter what was going on, if I could make a joke out of it somehow, then maybe things weren't all that bad.

The days with no punch lines were starting to grow in number. Part of me honestly had no idea how to deal with that.

Rosalie's name rang through the air then. It was Emmett, wanting his love's help as Alice launched an attack on him. He obliged her and went down, causing all of us to laugh.

The perfect blonde beside me was the first to get the giggles under control, smiling as she gingerly patted my knee. "I'm glad I was wrong about you. I bet you're stronger than most people give you credit for."

I laughed again, in spite of myself and the light flare of pain it sent through my system. "Just don't tell anyone, okay?" I joked, even winking at her as she prepared to stand. "People might start getting the wrong idea about me or something."

She laughed again and nodded, giving me an answering wink before Emmett cut in again.

"Rose! She's killing me here, help!" His booming voice teased, laughter lacing through every single syllable as he continued to wrestle with the petite brunette sprawled atop him.

"Such a big baby." She joked, heaving a sigh as she rolled her eyes. I just snickered and shook my head as she vaulted off the porch and ran over to him. Alice looked up in time to see her bigger sister launch herself, easily rolling off Emmett before Rosalie landed. A loud grunt passed his lips, but the burly kid recovered easily and soon had his girl pinned against his chest. Alice's laughter sounded like a chorus of bells, but she was soon moving too. Edward had waited until she was completely oblivious before he grabbed her by the waist and picked her up. After twirling them around for a couple of turns, his knees buckled and they were both on the ground too. I couldn't help smiling in relief when his lean body cushioned her tiny frame.

I nearly bent over my knees in laughter, tears streaming down my cheeks as I watched everyone laugh and throw each other around like ragdolls. Oh, how I wished I could get up and join in. To not have to worry about my crippling injuries and the permanant scars they would leave behind. I wanted, more than anything right then, to just be happy and carefree, horsing around with my new foster family.

"Barbarians, the whole lot of them." Esme was laughing as she stepped out onto the porch, kneeling behind me as Jasper chose right then to rejoin the foray. "You'd think they were all raised by wolves or something."

I snickered again and sighed heavily as I straightened up carefully, swiping the back of my hand over my eyes to trap escaped tears.

"Are you okay?" She asked, her expression morphing from amusement to motherly concern.

"I'm fine." I promised and gave her a watery smile. "I don't think I've had this much fun in a long time. Or laughed this much, it'll be worth paying for later."

"I'm glad, but let me know if you need a painpill." She responded and gently pat my good shoulder before standing to address the rest of her children. "Time to call it a tie. Your father's on his way home and dinner's almost ready."

"Awwww Mom!" They chorus, stopping what they were doing almost instantly. Each face looked just as pitiful as the last, complete with me bodily facing Esme. I wasn't able to get up on my own yet either, which probably made me the most pathetic of all.

"What am I going to do with you?" She sighed, hands on her hips as she stared at the sloped porch ceiling in faux exasperation. "Inside, all of you!" She bustled on, waving us toward the door dramatically. "You're all covered in grass and dirt."

"Not everyone!" Emmett complained, grinning cheekily at me as he approached the steps. "Baylee's still clean as a whistle."

I knew better than to take his outstretched hand once he reached me. "That's just cause I'm the good one." I boasted and flashed him a grin of my own. As soon as I said it, he stopped cold and slapped then hand that'd just been extended to me over his heart.

"She's already turned against us." He gasped, his voice raising an octave as he continued to stare at me in horror. "Traitor!" Emmett shrieked and sounded more feminine right then than I had all week.

Edward came up behind him and chuckled as he rolled his eyes, lightly shoving his brother onto the deck. "Oh stop acting like you didn't expect it! How else do you think she's gonna get out of going to school with us?"

Even though he was probably just joking around, his comment still hit a nerve. A very big, raw, open nerve. Ducking my head so no one could see, I flinched in surprise when a muted thud vibrated beside me. Looking up, I was shocked to find Edward rubbing the back of his head in pain. Jasper, who had been directly behind him on the staircase, had a deep scowl on his face.

"Boys!" Esme called sharply, obviously having seen whatever I'd just missed. "Jasper Whitlock Hale, apologize to your brother right now."

"Sorry." He mumbled, still frowning as his eyes shifted to me.

I could hear Esme's words, using Edward's full name to reprimand him as well, but I felt frozen. I couldn't do anything but stare up in shock when I was apologized to. Swallowing hard, I just nodded at Edward and deftly accepted the hand stretched out to help me. From there, everything was one confusing blur. My body registered the motions but my mind was too lost in thought for anything to reach me as dinner progressed around me.

It wasn't until later, when I was alone with Esme to change my bandages that her voice reached me. She was still apologizing for the crack Edward had made, and Carlisle wanted to speak with me once we were done.

Huh, okay. I wonder how many shocks to the system I could endure before I honestly wanted to do nothing more than give up.

I'd never thought coming to live with the Cullens would hold the first wish I'd ever given up on.


	10. Chapter 10

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE**__: Another chapter! This one might be a little longer than the others before it. Thanks so much for continuing to read and the reviews I got on the last chapter. I can't wait to see what y'all think, things are probably unraveling a little more quickly now. Feel free to let me know if there are any interactions you guys would want to see. I appreciate and consider all suggestions made in reviews. I always worry about drawing things out to the point of it being annoying. I'm also thinking of assigning a song to each chapter, just to give you guys an idea of what I listen to as I write each chapter. Let me know if that's something y'all would be interested in! Please, PLEASE keep reading and reviewing, they make my little writer's heart swell with happiness and my fingers dancing over the keyboard._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just having fun._

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**Chapter Ten:**

"You wanted to see me?" I asked quietly once I'd settled onto the couch Esme had helped me onto.

Carlisle sat beside me, smiling as he stretched his left arm over the back of the white, overstuffed sofa. "I did. How are you feeling today?"

"Good." I answered slowly and cautiously. I wasn't entirely sure why though. Carlisle always asked that when he came home for the evening. Coming in right as Esme put the finishing touches on dinner, then the conversations as we all sat around the table, me included now that I could sit up for a longer stretch of time, had prevented him from asking that. Until now. Plus it didn't really help that I'd been so lost in my own thoughts, I wouldn't have heard him if he'd asked during dinner tonight.

"I'm glad." He smiled again, briefly then shifted closer to me. "I understand schooling was mentioned this afternoon."

Abruptly, the pain from Edward's comment flashed through me. I gulped noisily and nodded. "Edward was just joking around though. I know that. I don't want to get him in trouble."

"He's not. My son often forgets what tact means, but I am relieved to hear you've overlooked it."

"No big." I pushed my good shoulder up into a shrug, which didn't get very far thanks to my positioning. "But so he mentioned school, so what? I know I'm nowhere near ready for that yet."

"You aren't." Carlisle allowed, agreeing that I was facing a longer period of confinement. How I was keeping a severe case of cabin fever at by, I wasn't sure. But hey! I wasn't above being grateful for small miracles. "But I've made a deal with the principal at Forks High School. Once you're well enough, that's where you'll be attending. The other children are already students there."

I knew that part. Esme had explained it all to me the first day I was here to see them leave for school. Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett were all seniors while Edward and Alice were apart of the junior class. I was probably so far behind now that I couldn't even be considered a junior anymore.

"So whats the deal you struck up?" I joked, unable to keep a tight lid on my enthusiasm. I'd always loved school and not just because it got me out of the house for a solid eight hours. When I started my ninth grade year at Berkner High School, I found extra-curricular activites. Too bad all of that was now in the past. Growing up in Texas was like growing up in a different world. Everything centered aorund high school football. Thanks to my interest in dance, which later led to cheerleading, I'd been front and center in the heart of high school athletics.

It was more than a little depressing to think about how different school would be now once I was able to resume normal classes again. My injuries weren't going to nurture my activity in dance and softball, which I began playing in my sophomore year at Berkner.

"We went ahead and enrolled you as a junior, since that was your grade level in Richardson." Carlisle's calming voice gently pulled me from my mounting depression. "You tested so well at Berkner that Mr. Greene, the principal, is certain you'll catch up in no time. All of the assignments from your new set of classes will be sent home with Alice and Edward, since you will have almost every class in common with them. It's even been arranged to have one of your new classmates to come over after school each day to do homework with you."

"Hopefully they're gonna be paid for it." I joked, even though part of me was resoundingly honest. I couldn't imagine a high school student, probably my age or a little older, willingly giving up their free time to help someone they didn't even know do _more_ homework. "And if it starts interferring with their school work, the deal's off. I'm not going to make things more difficult on someone I don't know."

"They will be well-compensated for helping you." My foster father agreed with an incine of his head. "And those are very reasonable demands. Plus you'll have additional help from your new siblings whenever you need it."

"Okay." I drawled, stretching the word out as I pretended to stare at Carlisle warily. "Who're my tutors?"

"The girl from school is exceptionally bright, though a little shy around others. Her name is Isabella Swan."

Reclusive bookworm type. Cool, I could deal with that as long as she didn't develop a staring problem. "And the ones here at home?"

"Alice and Edward, of course are willing to study with you."

"The other?" This time, my apprehension wasn't fake. I had a feeling I wasn't going to like the final name on the list.

"Me." The willing participant announced before Carlisle could. All I needed was to hear their voice and I knew instantly who had joined us in the living room.

Jasper Whitlock Hale. Of course! As if my weird little existance needed anymore drama.

"Are you okay with that?" I blinked in surprise and turned to look guiltily at my foster father. There must have been something off about my reaction or facial expression if he was having to ask me that question.

Jasper looked more nervous than I'd seen him, biting down on the corner of his lower lip with his arms tightened across his chest. That seemed to be a popular stance for him, with his right leg bent slightly at the knee. In any other situation, I would have laughed at the way he was standing. It was something I'd seen time and time again back home, a stance indicitive of our hometown.

Right then, at the worst possible time, a flash of memories assaulted me. I hadn't thought about that little boy in such a long time, the little boy that I had clung to in my very first friendship. We'd met at school, on my very first day of kindergarten. He was starting first grade and didn't really pay me much attention during my first recess. I still wasn't sure how it all changed, what made him suddenly notice me and want to spend time in my company. We'd first bonded over the snack my mother had sent me to school with; a little double set of Swiss Rolls. His own snack had been much cooler in my opinion since I wasn't really into sweets. I'd never really had much of a sweet tooth, something my mom continuously overlooked when buying me treats for school. The little boy'd had a bag of chips, my favorite brand. So after a deal was struck, his bag of Cheetos for my pack of Swiss Rolls, we traded every single day after that while the other kids played and ran around during our break from academics.

That little boy had helped me more than either of our little kid minds could have ever comprehended back then. He started coming over after school, always before my stepfather came home from school. He hated even having _one_ child under his roof when he got home from work, I didn't want to think about what the possibility of _two_ would do to him.

That same little boy was just nine years old when he came to school and told me that his parents were moving. If I remembered right, his father had gotten transferred and that meant the entire family was going to have to leave Richardson. He wasn't originally based there, he told me as he announced his news. They were all originally from Houston, but had relocated to Richardson just a month after he was born. I would never be able to forget the immense sadness on his face as he talked about leaving, being scared of a new place and making new friends. He hadn't been too terribly social with the other children in our school and other girls even expressed jealousy that I was his very best friend. We didn't go anywhere without each other if it could possibly be helped.

Three years of friendship was gone, just like that. My best friend moved away and I had to face going to school alone with the knowledge of never being able to see his face again. He wasn't going to be waiting for me when I got off the bus at school, holding my hand as he walked me to my classroom, then finding me again once we were released for recess, then later lunch when it was added into our schedules.

I realized the silence that had fallen when I failed to answer Carlisle's question. Again, I'd gotten lost in my thoughts and missed the question being echoed by Jasper. He was now sitting on the other side of me on the couch, one hand outstretched toward me in an odd way. Was he scared to touch me or something? I wasn't sure. Shaking my head slowly, mostly to clear my thoughts so I could give them my undivided attention once more, I managed a weak smile at Jasper before turning to Carlisle again. "That's fine." I tilted my chin toward my chest then started to carefully scoot toward the edge of the couch.

"Then it's settled!" Carlisle declared happily, even clapping his hands together before he hurriedly jumped to his feet. He hadn't missed the flash of pain across my face when I tried to stand on my own. "I'm so sorry!" He blurted out, causing Jasper to rise as well. "You must be really tired."

"I'm okay." I whispered, hating the feeling of something being stuck in my throat as I lifted my eyes to the two men standing in front of me. Carlisle helped me to my feet, but released me to Jasper once I was up and stable.

"I need to finalize a couple of things. You can start tackling your assignments when they begin coming in next week. Is that all right?"

I waved my hand in acknowledgement since my neck was still too tight for nodding. "That sounds perfect." I braved a more genuine smile then glanced up at Jasper when he gently took my unmarked arm and began to lead me toward my bedroom.

"Are you sure you're okay with this arrangement?"

In spite of myself and my injuries, I just nodded at his question. I didn't trust myself to speak. Not with him standing as close as he was. "Why wouldn't I be?" I mumbled, mostly to myself as I gently pulled away from him to walk into my bedroom. While I was grateful for the help, it was getting easier for me to move around. At least when it came to walking across flat, stable surfaces. And having Jasper that close to me, with skin-to-skin contact was unnerving in a strange, unfamiliar way.

As soon as I crossed the threshold, I let go of his arm and began to walk on my own. I could feel his eyes on my back as I turned my small stereo on, making sure the iPod was docked perfectly and began to sift through the playlists that had been created for me.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Jasper's voice was still quiet, but just raspy enough to send chills down my back. I cringed as a result of the firey pain the chills ignited and turned so that I could speak and have him see my expressions.

"I'm fine, why do you ask?"

He shrugged and finally moved into the room then. His arms hung by his sides, the tips of his fingers hidden in the front pockets of his worn jeans. I had to force myself to glance back up from the stressed denim against his thighs and hips. Last thing I needed right then was to be busted for oogling my foster brother. A boy that ignited way too many emotions and memories for me to be able to deal with. "You just seem a little distant now. I'm not sure if it's because you're home now or...."

"Or what?" I asked, honestly curious as I carefully turned and perched on the edge of my bed. A low hiss of pain vibrated through my chest and that caused Jasper to be right on my side again.

He sighed and gently ran a hand down my undamaged arm before he put some space between us. "Or if you just don't feel like hanging out with me anymore. I wouldn't blame you if you found Edward more interesting than me. And everyone knows Emmett's the most entertaining."

I looked up and felt my heart break at the mangled smile on his face. He was trying to make a joke out of all this. That just seemed to make things so much worse. Images of a similiar smile, twisted as bitter words passed through slightly cracked lips filled my head and stole my breath momentarily. "I don't prefer anyone over anyone else. I'm just still trying to adjust to being here, in a house. I haven't been in one since...." My throat closed shut as soon as those memories assaulted me. I shivered involuntarily as my skin remembered the blistering heat that had engulfed me all too easily. All because I'd been on the floor when the fire abruptly started.

"Baylee!" I wasn't aware that tears were in my eyes until I looked up at the sound of my name. The tember was sharp, much too tense for Jasper's soothing accent. Edward stood in my doorway now, his eyebrows arched high over the thick fringe of eyelashes and bright green irises as he stared at me intently. I couldn't tell if walking in on me sitting with his brother, crying was upsetting him or if something had done that before he walked into the room. Either way, I suddenly didn't care. My body hurt all over and all I wanted to do was just lay down and let some music drown everything out. I needed a break, both a mental and physical breather from everything going on. Time wasn't making me immune to my past, or the changes in my present and future. It was way too much to take in and I was so tired.

"I'm fine." I announced again, forcing my voice to strengthen as I stood and wiped my eyes before collecting the iPod and earbud speakers once I'd turned the main stereo off. Turning back toward them, I just smiled a little sheepishly as I held the items in my hand up. "I'm just tired, that's all. I hate kicking you two out but...."

"No problem." Jasper was the first to speak, climbing to his feet before he turned to start helping me into bed. I felt horrible as I gently rebuffed him, smiling bravely as I waved him off.

"You don't have to stick around and help me out, I'll get it."

"Are you sure?" He looked so worried, I felt another piece of my heart just shatter into my stomach.

"More than sure. You guys go do what you want! Y'all don't need me pestering you."

I heard the small snort of disgust resonate from Edward but chose to overlook it. Instead, I stayed silent as the two boys left my room, Jasper being thoughtful enough to close the door gently behind him. That was a new sign in the house, no one really bothered me if the door wasn't open. Heaving a sigh, I had to act quick in squelching a moan of pain when my ribs swelled against the tender skin on my side and back.

I was so _sick_ of being broken!


	11. Chapter 11

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Probably the longest chapter of __Breathe__ to date. While reading back through previous chapters, I realized I created a lot of things that don't really add up. Since I'm a stickler for consistency and having everything flow together seamlessly, I'm probably going to redo the previous chapters. I hope to have everything ironed out soon, please bare with me! And with this chapter, I start the inspiring songs. And you guys might notice the entrance of a certain Twilight character. I promise, there's a method to my madness. Enjoy! Please keep reviewing! I love reading feedback and knowing exactly what you guys think of this._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just havin' some fun._

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**CHAPTER SONG: ****BREATHE**** - TAYLOR SWIFT**

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**Chapter Eleven:**

"_Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie. It's the kinda ending you don't really want to see, cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down. Now I don't know what to be without you around."_

It never ceased to amaze me that there was a song for every emotion and mood. It always found me without my actively having to search it out. Stumbling upon the singer with a heartbreaking voice had been a rare occurance.

I'd never really been into Country music. Everyone assumed, because I'd grown up and spent my entire life in Texas, that I was just some bumpkin with all my CDs coming from that genre. But really, there were only one or two artists that could fall under that label.

This girl was one of them. And her song captured everything I felt right then so much better than I could've ever tried to. The dock holding my iPod enfused the room with the sad melody and home-hitting lyrics. I hated that my door was open, but I felt too drained to get up and close it. Even though I could hear the others start to trickle in from school. I'd just have to deal with getting busted as I listened to the song about love lost.

The song didn't _exactly_ fit my situation, but it was pretty close. I was almost sure that, had things had the chance to progress into our teenage years, I probably could've fallen in love with the boy from my past. I probably wouldn't have thought twice in falling and falling hard for him. He had already meant so much to me back then and as I sat there, completely forgetting about the book laid out in front of me, I wondered what it would be like to come face to face with him again. Would he be happy with the girl I'd turned out to be? Would he hate me or think ill of me because my living situation had gotten progressively worse in his absence? The most important question; would he still have the ability to throw his arms around me and set everything back to perfect again?

Frowning suddenly in disgust, I picked up the book and launched it across the room. I didn't care about where it landed, no longer paying attention to it or the new song that had replaced the previous one. But when I heard a yelp of surprise, followed by a muted thud, I looked up instantly in alarm.

Great, fantastic! I'd almost nailed Esme with my book as she entered my room.

"I'm so sorry!" I rushed out, ignoring the lingering flickers of pain as I got up to join her at the foot of my bed. "I didn't see you there. I hope I didn't hit you!"

"You didn't." She responded and smiled as she lightly rubbed my undamaged shoulder. "I was just coming to check on you. I thought you'd heard me coming down the hall."

"I didn't." I muttered and looked up at her sheepishly, feeling very much like a kid about to get scolded for letting the family dog pee on the carpet. "I'm really sorry, I guess I was just too lost in my thoughts."

"Nothing to apologize for." She grinned brightly at me then steered me over toward the bed. Once we were seated, with her hand laying over mine in my lap, she lightly shook her caramel waves out of her eyes. "The others are home from school now and Edward has some homework from your new classes. The girl that offered to help tutor you is even here as well. I was thinking we could change your bandages before I allowed her back?"

"I doubt she wants to study back here." I broke in abruptly and chanced a guilty look around. There wasn't really any place to study comfortably. At least, not for me. I'd have to slouch over and that was something I still couldn't do. "I don't mind studying in the dining room. As long as I remember to take a pillow or two." Maybe three, I added in silently. "I should be fine in there."

"Okay." Esme consented with a nod then sighed as her expression set into another look I could only discribe as motherly. "But if you start feeling uncomfortable or the pain gets worse, you need to let me know immediately. The girl's already been informed of your discomforts and is willing to do things at your pace."

My cheeks puffed out as I inhaled a deep breath then let it out noisily. Esme snickered beside me then hugged me very carefully before signaling for me to assume the position. She'd changed my bandages so much within the past two weeks that I didn't need any real prompting anymore. The doctor's wife kept a very strict schedule when it came to taking care of me and for that, I was extremely grateful. I didn't have to worry about possible risks with her as dilligent as she was.

With my shirt gone and me laying flat on my stomach, I closed my eyes and relaxed as my foster mother began to work over me. She always did things the same way, first my neck and shoulder then down onto my back before finishing with my side and stomach. It was all so robotic now that I could mentally check out and not really miss anything.

The door opened behind Esme and my eyes flew open when her hands left my bare skin. The areas were cream had already been applied were cold as the airconditioning hit, causing me to shiver as I turned my head to see who had come in.

Carlisle came into view immediately, causing my accelerated heartbeat to slow ever so slightly. I was terrified of someone other than my foster parents seeing me like this. Especially the new girl I'd never met before. Yeah, _that_ would be one hell of a first impression! I didn't really want to think about how hideous I probably looked.

"I'll take over, dear." Carlisle spoke lovingly to his wife, smiling at both of us as he swept past her carefully. She nodded and smiled, the couple sharing a kiss before I was left alone with the doc.

Breathing a sigh of relief, my eyes closed again as he started to resume the task Esme'd started. "I'm sorry if I startled you."

I shrugged as best I could and rested my forehead into the pillow under my head, tilting my chin just enough so that I could speak a little more clearly than if I just laid flat. "No worries." I muttered and blew out a low breath. "I'm just glad it was you and not someone else."

"You don't feel comfortable with them seeing you like this yet." It wasn't said as an accusation. It was as if Dr. Cullen was simply stating facts. And he was, for the most part. I just wasn't sure I had the heart to tell him it all went deeper than that.

"No." I responded after a few beats of silence, my voice hoarse and broken in my own ears. "But it's more than that."

I could feel the curiosity practically flowing from Carlisle as he finished bandaging me then helped me sit upright. But, knowing that some random girl was waiting to help me with my homework kept me from talking. Instead, I just sighed and ran my hand down the length of my face before rising to my feet. "I promise, I'll talk to you about it later. But I really can't keep that girl waiting, it's not fair."

Carlisle nodded and seemed to accept my compromise of sorts. I just hoped he didn't somehow wiggle the rest of the family into this discussion. After I was helped into a baggy tee shirt and a pair of matching track shorts, I ran a hand over the fuzz growing ever so slowly on my head and padded down the long hallway. Esme hadn't been lying when she said she put me in the closest possible room to the front of the house. It was a very short trip from my bedroom door to the entrance leading into the brightly lit dining room.

A family that actually _used_ their dining room. That was something I still couldn't get used to.

Isabella Swan was waiting for me, just as I'd predicted. Her books were already stacked in front of her, two separate piles of papers placed in front of her with various writing utensils. Girl came prepared, I'd give her that.

"Hi." I muttered almost bashfully, waving my good hand slightly as I moved toward the chair closest to her. She looked up and the smile that stretched across her lips actually reached her warm, chocolate eyes. All things considered, she was a very pretty girl. Possibly even beautiful. Her dark brown hair fell loose and luxuriously down her back, soft waves tumbling over the light hood of her striped, thermal shirt. Because she was seated, I couldn't tell how tall she was. But judging by what I _could_ see, she didn't appear to be much taller than I was.

"You must be Baylee." She stood immediately and very nearly tripped over her own feet. In spite of myself, I lurched forward to help keep her upright. She regained pretty fast then, in an odd twist of events, ended up being the one helping _me_ regain my balance. "I'm so sorry!" She rushed out, pulling the chair I'd zeroed in on out so I could just slide without having to straighten back up. "I completely forgot you might try to help me. Are you okay?"

"Fine." I gasped and braved a smile as I got settled. "I still forget sometimes about...all this." I muttered the last part out and gestured at my neck, which she could clearly see thanks to my lack of hair. She also just so happened to settle on my left, damaged side. Funny, I was already used to everyone going for my right side.

"I'm sorry." She muttered and when I looked up, her eyes were already on the papers stacked in front of her.

Okay, we were going to get along really damn well. She didn't stare. Not yet, at least.

"No worries." I promised and carefully pulled my left leg up underneath me. My right knee was still giving me some problems, but nothing I couldn't handle. I just couldn't curl it in for very long without the muscles straining. "So we know that I'm Baylee, but do you want me to call you Isabella or...?" Trailing off, I just shrugged my good shoulder and smiled at her helplessly.

Her laugh was a little timid as she pushed her long, dark hair behind her shoulder. "Bella, please." She answered then gave me an odd sort of look. "You're actually the first one to ask me that, thanks."

I just winked at her as my smile grew a little more genuine. "Didn't you just move here? I think I remember Carlisle telling me about that when he mentioned the arrangement."

"Yeah." She nodded then heaved a sigh. "My dad's the chief of police here."

"I hope to never meet him in an official capacity." I joked quietly, a small snort building up against the back of my throat.

Bella laughed too and shook her head slowly as she turned in her chair to face me better. "He's pretty laid back, from what I can tell anyway. I grew up in Phoenix with my mom, but I was actually born here."

"Really?" I asked, thoroughly intriqued. "Why did you come back up here then?" Suddenly I began to hope feverishly that nothing drastic had caused her move back to Forks.

"My mom remarried and wanted to travel with him. So I decided it was time to come live with Charlie."

Charlie. Father's name. Making a mental note, I nodded and lightly tapped the pen I'd just picked up against one of the stacks in front of her. "How are you adjusting in school? Can't be easy, trading familiarity for the unknown."

Her tiny nose wrinkled ever so slightly as she nodded in agreement with me. "It's definitely different, not even counting the weather. But I think you can comiserate with me on that."

I laughed then and inclined my head in my familiar nod. "Definitely can. I'm used to rain and everything, but usually the sun's lurking behind the clouds, ready to zap the moisture right back out of the ground."

Another round of laughter ignited then Bella glanced over at me shyly. I couldn't be sure if this was how she was around everyone or if I was jsut a special case. "No offense or anything, but I kind of expected you to try and get out of this arrangement."

"Why?" I blurted out and blinked in surprise, my upper body falling against my high, hard-backed chair. As soon as raw skin met immobile wood, I was howling in pain. Bella's statement caught me off-guard. So much so that I lost my tenious self-restraint. Even though I had impecable posture thanks to extra-curriculars, I still had difficulty keeping my body the way it needed to be now. I had completely forgotten the pillows piled on my bed for this very occasion. Pillows that were usually in here anyway for dinner. Now they were in my bedroom where they were utterly useless.

Before my mind could register the fact that I was now screaming _and_ crying, several bodies swarmed me. Their fingers felt like oversized needles, pricking the most concentrated points of pain. All I could clearly think about doing was yelling at them. Begging them to just _please_ stop touching me.

Another wail of pain ripped through me and I was barely conscious of Bella's string of apologies as a pair of strong, pale arms lifted me out of the chair.

I could feel the forearm against my back, trying so hard not to hurt me as they carried me to my room. Muffled footsteps followed, but I couldn't force my eyelids apart to see who had me and who was following.

I welcomed the soft mattress beneath my legs once I was lowered into a sitting position. Moisture was flowing freely and instead of just playing it safe, I flopped over onto my stomach. This was already the greatest physical pain I'd ever known so why be cautious now? The idea of my family seeing me cry was more horrific than the torture to my limbs. But it was too little, too late for me to start thinking about that sorta stuff now.

"Baylee?" A soft voice came from my right. The bed sagged just enough to give away the voice's identity. When you've been confined to a bed as long as I have, with a damaged neck, you learn new ways to tell people apart.

"Baylee," Esme beckoned again, her hand flat against the back of my head. "Carlisle wants you to take your pain medication, okay?"

No, no okay.

My response came out garbled, nowhere close to the 'no' I wanted it to resemble. Esme tried again, her hand sweeping down my unscathed arm in an attempt to probably soothe me.

"No." I tried again, my voice a little stronger as the pain began to receede. "I'm sick of taking that stuff, I don't want to sleep and it always knocks me out."

"Honey...." She sighed but before she could start the convincing argument up again, a new voice interjected their two cents.

"Baylee, you're in pain. Stop feeling like you have to be so strong. We understand."

"No you don't." I fired back and braced my arms to force my body into a push-up position. I could feel Esme's hands fluttering over me, but a broken gasp filled my throat when the same powerful arms that had carried me through the house suddenly gripped my shoulders and pushed me back down. As soon as I looked up, I realized immediately who had transported me to my room and who had also just forced my body back onto the mattress.

The lines around Jasper's eyes were tight, the plump outline of his lips disappearing into a thin line as he crossed his arms over the front of his shirt. Anger bubbled through me without my consent, all aimed at the boy staring disapprovingly at me. Clearly, remembering the past was something I should _never _do.

"Go ahead and say it." I sighed and waved my hand impatiently once I was upright in a position less painful than the others. I could feel Esme's discontent flowing off her in waves at my side.

"I don't have anything to say." He muttered, his accent a little richer than normal thanks to his obvious aggitation.

I couldn't help but snort back a laugh and glanced up at the ceiling before I looked at the others still milling around in the room. Edward stood awkwardly at the door, with Bella shifting her feet self-consciously about a foot away from him. Hmm, something to think about later. But right then, my sole focus was Jasper. "Can y'all give us a minute? He may not be able to yell at me with an audience."

The flurry of movement sparked up before I could get halfway through my statement. Esme stayed put, as did Edward, but Bella shifted a little toward the door. I tried to smile encouragingly at her, to let her know that I was cool with her.

"Just give me a call Bella, and we'll figure out a new time to study."

She gulped noticably and bobbed a nod before she turned to escape down the hall. But not before tripping over her own feet as she brushed past Edward. Again, more food for thought.

Edward followed behind her silently, but not before shooting his brother a disapproving glare. Heaving a sigh, I refused to look at Jasper, instead settling for trying to convince Esme that I was okay.

"I'm fine now, promise." I mumbled, thankful that she was so close to me still.

"I'm not leaving so you two can fight. Besides, your bandages need to be changed and you need to take something for the pain."

"Let us talk first?" I blinked in surprise when Jasper broke in before I could say the exact same thing. I couldn't help the glare that fixed itself on my face, but breathed a silent sigh of relief when Esme climbed to her feet.

"I'm not going far and I will kick you out of this room if things get too tense, Jasper." She warned, even pointing at him before she patted my good shoulder and left.

Now that we were officially alone, the air of tension in the room thickened a little. Even moreso when he silently strode over to the door and pushed it into the frame. I jumped and bit back a low hiss when the sudden noise caused me to move wrong.

"If you're gonna yell, you might as well get comfortable." I stated and gestured at the foot of the bed. Directly in front of me. "Plus I don't really want to hurt my neck just so I can glare at you."

A low string of obscenities filtered through his voice as he glanced at me, then the bed before he plopped down. I pulled my legs a little closer, keeping my right leg slung over the edge of the bed so my knee wouldn't act up and stared pointedly at him. "Okay, this should be good. Let's hear it."

"Why're you so damn stubborn about taking your pain medication? You're acting like you're fine and you aren't! You can't do what you used to anymore, when are you going to accept that?!"

I jerked once more in surprise. We were getting straight to the point it seemed. I had to take a deep breath and count backward from five to steady myself before I launched into my response. "Not that I think it's any of your business, but I don't want to get addicted to that stuff. I know my genetics, I know my family history. There's no reason for me to take those stupid pills of the pain's just going to die down once I'm still. And do you _really_ think that I could ever forget this?" I accused and jerked the hem of my shirt down angrily to display more of the trail of bandaging.

"You make absolutely no sense." He breathed, his face tightening in anger once he'd rolled his eyes at me. Providing that was even possible since the gorgeous boy sitting in front of me already looked extremely pissed off.

"Why do you care so much?!" I shot out before I could really help myself. I wanted to know, I _had_ to know. What possible reason was there for Jasper, who was always so relaxed and quiet, to be so torqued about something so stupid? And that didn't even directly pertain to him!

"I don't." He answered without hesitation.

I recoiled as if I'd been slapped. I hadn't really been expecting _that_ answer. I'd just assumed he would come up with something like '_I don't know' _and things would be left at that. But oh no, he had to go with the answer that would hurt me the most.

Nodding as well as I could considering the tape on my hairline, I carefully climbed to my feet and walked around him. Once my bedroom door was open, I turned back to face him and gestured out into the hall. "Then get out. I have no idea why you're mad at me, and since you _obviously_ don't give a damn, there's no reason for us to continue this conversation."

"Baylee," He started and jumped to his feet, whirling around to face me just seconds afterward. "Don't be like this."

"Like what?" I asked as innocently as I could get my voice to manage and fisted the hem of my baggy tee shirt in my free hand so I didn't put it on my charred hip. "Jasper, you're the one going postal on me here. It's _my_ choice what I do with my body. It's also _my_ choice how I decide to deal with _my_ injuries. Besides, you're graduating soon and probably going off to college. Not like we're going to ever see each other again after that. So why wait? You have my full permission to start ignoring me if this is how you're going to act with me. In fact, I encourage it."

He had moved to the doorway as I spoke, anger becoming more and more pronounced in his features as he walked toward me. "Do you really mean that?"

I pretended to think about his question, even looking down at his bare feet as they moved him just outside my doorway. Once he was where I needed him to be, I smiled brightly at him and bodily turned to face him. "Let me know if this answers your question, okay?"

And with that, I slammed the door in Jasper Whitlock Hale's face.


	12. Chapter 12

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Another new chapter. Sorry I've been slow in posting. My husband just shipped out (today) for bootcamp and I just busted my shoulder. So that means typing hurts like heck. Thankfully I had this chapter done before all that so I'm going ahead and posting it. Enjoy and please remember to review._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just havin' fun._

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**CHAPTER SONG: SOMETHING IN THE WAY - BRYAN GREENBERG**

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**Chapter Twelve:**

There's always good news and bad news when time begins to slip past you. In my situation, the good news pertained to my mobility. The bad news, tension was reaching a near breaking point in the Cullen household. All because Jasper was honoring my wishes and now avoiding me like the plague.

I tried to not let that little fact hurt me. After all, I'd wanted him to start keeping his distance. I didn't want the closeness that I always seemed to feel around the fair-haired young man. At first I hadn't really been sure _why_ I wanted him to stay as far away from me as possible. Maybe it was all the memories he conjured up in my mind. Or the fact that I always felt something different whenever he was in close proximity. Those feelings just so happened to be on the warm and fuzzies scale.

But at least I could now move around without anyone's help. Even the mound of pillows that were once required at dinner had dwindled, leaving me with two instead of the initial five. It probably would have been more when I first came to live with the Cullens, but any more than that would have dumped me off into the floor. Something I _did not _want. I knew how my luck worked, I'd scrape my back against the edge of the chair on the way down.

With this mobility, it was easier for me to focus on my school work. I was surprised to find that most of the homework given to me, I'd already studied at Berkner. The curriculum in the Texas school system left a little to be desired for, all centering around standardized testing like the TAAS test, then later the TASP test. But hey, I'd been lucky to have such a smart set of parents. Advanced classes weren't really as bad as the 'normal' ones.

I'd just finished my homework, seated comfortably in the living room with Emmett and Rosalie lounging with me when Carlisle walked in. Jasper seemed to be shadowing him, the strangest expression crossing his features when his emerald eyes landed on me. It was still strange to me that both he and Edward had almost the _exact_ same eyecolor. Food for thought later on, when I had nothing to do while pain kept me from sleeping.

"It's so good to see you up and around, Baylee." Carlisle smiled warmly as he approached the couch, lightly touching my forearm before he eased into the chair next to the couch I sat on with Rosalie and Emmett. They'd wanted to watch TV and I was too comfortable and stubborn to move my study session elsewhere. Thankfully, they'd been courteous while I poured over my Biology homework.

"It's good to be up and around." I admitted with a small smile of my own. And it really did, I was starting to feel like a bigger part of the family now that I could get up and go to them. Minus the one exception, but the stubborn part of my personality was forbidding me to look at him. That would be admitting defeat in some small way. "But what's up? You look like something's on your mind."

"Do I?" There was just the right amount of curiosity in his voice to make me _almost _believe I'd caught him by surprise. Almost.

"Mhm." I chirped out, earning a small snicker from Rosalie, who was wedged carefully between me and her muscular boyfriend. Every single time I was around them, I was reminded of all the questions that were building and building in my head. There was always at least one member of my foster family that reminded me of all the things I just did not know. Yet.

Maybe this conversation with Carlisle could solve some of that.

Sitting up carefully, I set my textbook aside and started to climb to my feet. I jerked back in surprise just a second later when I saw Jasper out of the corner of my eye. Habits seemed to die hard with him. He was still acting as if I was too raw to get up on my own. Then again, he hadn't really been around when I began to be able to do that on my own. "Can we go to your office and talk? I want some more practice with the stairs, if that's okay."

Strangely convienent how the doctor's office was located on the second level of the house, along with Esme's little office, as well as everyone's bedroom but Edward's. And I'd only climbed the stairs once, finally reaching the second level before I had to stop and catch my breath. Another thing I still had to work around. My body was losing muscular definition the longer I stayed helpless and weak.

"That sounds perfect." He smiled brightly at me and I instantly knew that he wanted to talk to me about something major. That whatever was on his mind wasn't something he wanted to talk about in the company of his other children. Maybe he'd finally made a connection I'd been keeping to myself for some time.

No one said anything as I regained my balance and began to slowly follow Carlisle up the stairs. I heard Rosalie say she'd take care of my school books, waving in gratitude before focusing on the task at hand.

Once we reached the heavy oak door of his office, I was winded. More than winded actually, but I refused to walk into his home-work space panting for air. This was a concession of sorts for Carlisle Cullen. He refused to let me do anything that would exert too much of my energy.

"Have a seat, Baylee." He smiled and held the door open for me, sweeping his hand grandly into the room before I took that first step inside. I spotted the chair I wanted instantly and went straight for it.

I heard Carlisle laugh quietly behind me, but overlooked it as I settled in against the overstuffed leather that wouldn't chafe my skin if I held still. Just the same, I expected it when my foster father held a plush throw pillow out for me to wedge between myself and the seat.

I complied and settled back in, curling my legs underneath me as I settled most of my right side against the faintly aromatic leather. "I have a feeling there's something you wanna tell me but don't wanna tell me in front of the others. What's up?"

He laughed again and nodded, once again sitting a small distance from me. His forearms rested casually against his thighs, but his fingers were clenched together too tightly for him to be completely innocent. "And I'm sure you have a lot of questions for me also. Now that your pain levels have lessened, you probably have more time to think these days."

I nodded at his words then sighed as I reached up to mess with the tiny spikes of hair coating my scalp. I'd already gained half an inch in the month I'd been living with the Cullens. Having some semblence of hair back brightened my outlook considerably. Finally, after a long beat of silence, I decided to just go ahead and launch into what I wanted to know. "Okay, you never did tell me how you won guardianship of me. Not that I'm complaining or anything." I added in hastily, not wanting him to think that I was already complaining or something.

Far from it. Carlisle and his large family had probably saved my life in more ways than they realized.

The smile that spread across his face was slow, as if he was doing this intentionally to soothe me or something. Probably for my hasty mutter about not complaining. "As I told you when we first met, it's very confusing. How old were you when your father died, Baylee?"

A shiver tore down my spine, ripping angrily at the damaged skin it slithered under. "A year." I muttered and instantly looked down at my lap. For some reason, I couldn't look at Carlisle as I spoke of my biological father. "I don't have any memories of him, my mom wasn't allowed to talk about him when she married my step-father."

A strange sound rippled up through Carlisle's chest and throat. The only way I could describe it was like a strangled hiss. That he was somehow mad at the man he'd never meet. I couldn't imagine why but then again, I couldn't really get into the head of the Cullen family to save my life. "I'm sorry to be asking, but I need to know how much you remember from your childhood. Judging by your answer and what limited information I have about how your life was before...everything, I probably have a lot to explain to you."

I gulped again and nodded, finally bringing my eyes back up to meet his. I was surprised by how grateful I was that he'd hesitated where he did. A less compassionate person probably would have just plowed right on through the tough part to get to the heart of it all. If it were possible, that raised my opinion of the good doctor.

The silence lingered around us for a second longer, only to be broken by the sound his chair made as he sat back fully. "Your parents had wills drawn up when you were born, listing who they wanted to take care of you in case anything happened to them. When the...accident occured, your mother's will hadn't been brought up to speed. That means that your godfather was still the prime canidate."

Godfather? I had a godfather?! Since when?!

Shaking my head slowly, mostly to clear out the confusion that was beginning to distract me, I glanced up at Carlisle guiltiy. He'd stopped talking so I could catch up. Wow, now I felt _really_ slow on the upkeep.

"I think that's something else you might not have known, which is to be expected. The person listed was your father's best friend. His wife just so happened to be your mother's best friend. They also had papers drawn up to protect their children. You were included in that, Baylee."

"I was?" I blinked and jumped slightly in surprise. There was no hiss of pain this time, I was too concentrated on what Carlisle was trying to explain to me. Someone, outside of my family, had actually taken enough precaution that _I_ would be taken care of too? It was a weird and foreign concept to me, to have someone in my life that I'd never met so concerned with my well-being.

"You were." Carlisle smiled again, patience and compassion shining through every single invisible pore on his face. It was even in his eyes, which were glistening with the hint of oncoming tears. I suddenly had the sinking suspicion that this explanation was going to get worse before it got any better. "In his will, he stated that whoever obtained custody of his child, or children, would also obtain custody of you in the event of your parents' death. But there was only one stipulation to the request. The guardian taking care of his child had to consent to taking you in as well."

Of course. I'd known he was going to say that before the first word even crossed his lips. Whoever took care of this faceless kid, or kids, had to agree to take care of _me_ too. Obviously that meant Carlisle and his family.

"That's why you came to meet me at the hospital." I breathed, realization sinking very slowly into my brain. Finally knowing how I'd come to live with the Cullens explained so much. "But wait." I muttered and looked up at him, not able to hide the fear and uncertainty in my own eyes. "That would mean that my godfather's dead too...right?"

"Right." He responded and the simple word was very heavy as it fell from his lips. This man's compassion seemed to know no bounds. Maybe it came with him being a doctor, commited to the preservation of human life and all that. "The agreement went both ways. Your godparents already had one child when you were born."

"Okay." I broke in suddenly and held my hands up in front of me. Anything to stop the streams of information hitting me like a wrecking ball."You haven't even told me what their names were. Or what happened to them and the kid they had before I was born. Pertinant information here."

He sighed and for the first time since we started talking, Carlisle actually seemed hesitant to answer my question. I really couldn't, for the life of me understand why. But then again, I was trying to ignore the little voice in the back of my head. The one that already knew the answer to my question and was trying to break through long enough to scream it at me.

The obviousness of all this was suddenly overwhelming. One of Carlisle Cullen's adopted children had to be the surviving child of my godparents. How else would I be sitting where I was right then? There was no logical reason, no matter how much money this man had, for him to take in someone he didn't need to. Just because of a long-ago agreement that really didn't need to be honored if the main child wasn't in his custody.

I could feel the tightening in my chest as I continued to stare wordlessly at Carlisle. I just wanted him to _say_ it. To go ahead, put me out of my misery, and confirm what I was thinking. That one of his children probably had a better memory of my father than I did.

"Carlisle," I started, managing to hide my surprise at just how strong my voice sounded. The furthest thing from how I felt right then. "What were their names and how did they die?"

"Their names were Peter and Charlotte Whitlock. They died when their son, Jasper, was only ten years old."

As soon as I heard their names, a deep stabbing pain ripped through me. It had nothing to do with charred skin, or healing bones and muscles. It was all tied to my emotions. The voice that had been trying to break free now tore mercilessly through my head, screaming and chanting the three names over and over. I'd known my godparents, but I hadn't realized the unshakable tie they had to my family. I already knew what had happened to them, their son explained it all to me shortly before I came home from the hospital.

A new thought seized me so suddenly that I would've doubled over if I wasn't sitting. As it were, I couldn't stop the muscles from coiling my upper body toward my lower ever so slowly. Everything made sense now, in a weird way. To have it all explained to me sent both relief and pain coursing through my veins. Just as I'd idly predicted, I had more questions than answers once again.

"Does...he know?"

"About the arrangement?" Carlisle's voice sounded so far away that I had to look up to make sure he was still in the room with me. "No. Jasper remembers very little about his childhood before coming to live with us. The tragedy of his mother's suicide and finding her body took its toll on him mentally. He has no idea that your fathers were best friends."

Abruptly, the image of my nine year old best friend filled my thoughts. We'd promised to keep in touch, he never wanted to lose me. Those had been his words, but I'd echoed them so feverishly that they might has well of been my own. I'd spent the next nine years feeling like I'd been abandoned. That the boy had simply changed his mind and didn't want anything to do with me anymore. The reason for his parents' move was so clear to me now, Peter Whitlock had probably been transfered to a different precinct. That was how it worked sometimes, right? There was no real way I could be sure, or would ever find the answers to that question.

My best friend hadn't abandoned me after all. It was both a comfort and a curse to know that. His parents had taken to me so quickly because of the link between our families. It explained why my mother and Charlotte always got along so well. They'd been best friends through their respective husbands.

As all this and so much more flowed through my head, a dull ache began to form in the pit of my stomach. I missed my mother every single day, no sense denying that. But I needed to talk to her so badly and I couldn't. I had no one to talk to about this, to help me wrestle with the doubts and uncertainties Carlisle's truth had drudged up. No one that had been there and knew exactly what was going on as I grew up oblivious.

But instead of thinking about that, I found myself pondering something completely different. Should I tell Jasper about this? I'd had a sinking feeling, suspected something less than close to this from the moment we'd met, but never spoke or acted on it. Would it change the way he thought about me? It was difficult for me to even grapple with this, trying to turn the nine year old boy from my memories into the beautiful young man of nearly eighteen that was now my foster brother. My mind gave up on that quickly and went back to perhaps the most profound question I'd come up with all night. _Should I tell him_?

Yet again, I had no answer.


	13. Chapter 13

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ My shoulder's healed enough that I can resume writing. So here y'all go! At least two new chapters. Things are just rolling and rolling. I know that I keep saying things will start coming to light, but really. I'm just writing and seeing what comes of it. Hopefully y'all like it. I've been toying with the idea of adding song lyrics from the chapter song right below the song titles, instead of trying to encoporate it into the chapters. Yay or nay on that? A very special thanks to __**Chell88**__ and __**jenjan24**__ for your praise and reviews. They really mean a lot to me! Keep reviewing and tell your friends!_

_Stephenie Meyer's the one making money, I'm just having fun._

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**CHAPTER SONG: THE WHOA SONG - KARMINA**

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**Chapter Thirteen:**

The sun was surprisingly out, I was mobile and camped out on the front lawn. I hadn't been able to do much drawing in the past few weeks and now seemed like an almost perfect time to get some of that accomplished.

The scenery around the Cullens' home was just _begging_ to be captured in some form. Whether it was the sketch I was doing and might later turn into a watercolor, a photograph, or put into words that could describe it as closely as possible.

Either way, the scenery had finally gotten to me.

The sun felt great on the skin of my bare legs. Because it was getting into the warmer months, there were brief periods of time when I could walk outside and enjoy weather that was cold to the locals. Not me. Where I came from, cold usually had a four or five starting the number out.

It wasn't until I was mostly finished though, that I realized I wasn't entirely alone. At least on the outside perimeter of the house anyway. Flipping shut my sketchbook, a secret gift from Alice and Edward - how she'd known that I liked to draw, no idea - I tucked the pencil I'd been using behind my ear and carefully got up to investigate.

I'd never really done a full walk around the large white mansion, but it was something I wanted to do more often. Yes my knee hurt, and a few muscles began to strain under my burned skin, but to be able to stretch my legs in a way I'd been denied for months made me want to groan aloud. I almost even did that, until I finally got to the back of the house and found the source of noise I'd faintly heard in the front.

Jasper was seated on the back porch with a beautiful guitar in his lap. Edward sat on the stair beneath him, nodding silently to himself with his fingers lightly tapping against the thighs of his jeans. Well, that explained who the piano might belong to.

Instantly I was mesmerized by the entire scene. Two boys, impossibly gorgeous, seated together creating a melody that no one was supposed to hear. For a fleeting second, I felt bad that I was intruding on such a private moment. But the music was just too intoxicating to overlook or ignore. Especially when Edward leaned back, tilted his head toward the sunny sky and began to sing quietly.

Edward had a pretty deep voice naturally, soothing and velvety in texture. But when he sang, it was as if his voice dropped several inches in his throat, causing him to sound raspier than he probably could while speaking. But then again, I'd never really had a shouting match with Edward Cullen so I couldn't accurately judge what his voice was and wasn't able to do.

My eyes seemed to have a hard time figuring out which boy they wanted to remain focused on. One minute, I was studying Edward and commiting every move he made to memory and the next, I was watching the sunlight bounce off Jasper's blonde curls. There was still a darkish tint to his hair at the roots, thanks to his father's hair color. Now that everything had been explained to me, the pieces fit together perfectly and I could see everything I'd been oblivious to when I first got to Forks. His fingers, long and slender, were graceful against the neck of the guitar as they brought various chords to life. He'd always had an interest in artistic things, which surprised me when I found this out. But then again, he was probably the only person in my life, aside from his family, that never made fun of me whenever I was caught drawing. Eventually, I began to teach him some of the techniques I'd stumbled on by accident.

Noticing movement out of the corner of my eye, I was able to dart back around toward the front of the house as Alice came outside. She kissed each boy on the top of their heads then plopped down to share the step Edward had perched himself on. She was obviously immune to catching them in this kind of atmosphere. I still felt like I was intruding, that I'd been purposefully kept from knowing the hidden muscial talents of my family.

I watched for a couple more minutes, intoxicated by the slow smile that spread across Jasper's features as he kept playing. I couldn't remember seeing him as happy and content as he looked right then. And I wasn't a part of it. It stung that I had nothing to do with the mask of serenity that had befallen his face.

Trudging back to the front porch, my mind swam with the image of Jasper's smile and the last time I'd seen it. The last time I'd been able to get that reaction from him. I couldn't remember every single detail, but I did recall almost all of it. My mother and step-father had ended up getting into a fight when I got home from school that day and thinking quickly, I packed my schoolbag and snuck out to the Whitlocks' house. Peter had answered the door, the top buttons of his shirt unfastened against the white undershirt he was required to wear. All so that the bulletproof vest he always wore wouldn't chafe his skin. He'd let me inside without a word and I found Jasper up in his bedroom. He was sketching away in the pad I'd surprised him with for his nineth birthday and the smile that lit up his face when he saw me was enough to make me forget my name while my heart tried to break free of my chest and sprint through the streets of Richardson.

I hadn't realized until right then just how much I'd missed that smile. It was very rare now. Whenever I saw Jasper now, his eyes were filled with an ancient sort of sadness. It was almost as if nothing would ever be able to take that away.

I was glad that I'd never willingly bet on that. There was no sadness as I watched him play guitar with his brother and sister. The guitar was the perfect remedy for whatever flowed through his mind.

"Baylee?" My name echoed through the spacious foyer as soon as the door closed behind me. One glance toward my right and I noticed Carlisle seated in the dining room with Bella. Hmm, completely missed her arrival.

"Hey." I smiled a little, waving at my tutor as I joined them in the dining room. A few of my books were already on the table, probably courtesy of Carlisle, along with her backpack. "I didn't see you come in Bella, sorry."

"No problem." She smiled at me, uncertainty still clinging to the edges of her lips somewhat. "I didn't see you out front so I just came in."

My smile grew a little wider as I nodded and eased into the chair beside her. Carlisle was practically beside himself in euphoria, glad that his plan of having me socialize outside the family was working so well. "I was walking around outside, sorry if I made you wait."

The apologies could have stretched out from there, us making a circuit about twice before anything cut in. Our distraction just so happened to be Jasper, Edward, and Alice's voices as they came in from out back. Carlisle excused himself then, claiming that Bella didn't need to be kept company by him anymore. I stayed silent until his footsteps disappeared against the carpeted stairs before I dared to say anything.

"How've you been?" Bella was the first to break the silence, peeking at me shyly from her long curtain of hair.

"Good." I smiled and inclined my head slightly, probably showing off a bit by my new small achievement in dexterity. "I'm moving around a lot better."

"That's awesome." She beamed but, before anything else could be said, the voices of my siblings drifted from the kitchen into the dining room. Alice was the first to enter, though she was so tiny that she didn't really block her brothers' views. Jasper was right after her, glancing at me quickly before focusing on the guitar in his hands. After that was Edward.

The most peculiar look crossed his features as soon as he set eyes on Bella. I'd been thinking about that a lot and actually had a plan of sorts forming. It just hinged on me being able to talk to her outside of this house.

"Hi Bella!" Alice chirped and darted around the table, kssing both of our cheeks before straightening back up. "Do you two feel like some company for this study session? I have a couple assignments I haven't finished yet."

"Sure." I shrugged my good shoulder and tilted my head so I could look up at her clearly. The main blessing to her height was a small amount of strain looking up at her put on my neck. "I mean, if it's cool with Bella."

"I don't mind." She shrugged too, putting both shoulders into it before she glanced at the boys still hovering in the corner. Jasper's eyes locked on his guitar, Edward trying to stare at anything but Bella. It was kind of cute in a weird way and I found myself wondering if they even thought about talking outside the Cullen house.

"Can we maybe study out on the porch?" I asked suddenly, looking at both girls before sliding to my feet.

I could tell Alice knew I was up to something. It was weird how she just seemed to have a knack for knowing certain things. Bella on the other hand, was oblivious and looked a little hesitant. I couldn't really understand why, but I just figured it was because she probably didn't really spend time with the Cullen children. Inside or outside of school. I could only imagine how weird she felt right then.

The process of moving out to the porch was a little slow, mainly on my part. Even though I could move around and not need help, I was still struggling when it came to carrying stuff, leaning over, and getting up and down off the floor. But Esme had already thought of that and added plush cushions to the porch swing that hung about a foot from the front door. That was where I settled, notebook in my lap with a book laying open beside me. The swing had also been widened out so that I could curl up more comfortably whenever I wanted to be outside for a little while.

"It's so strange to see you outside of school, Bella. I've been meaning to ask you how you're adjusting to Forks." One of the best things about Alice, she didn't seem to notice awkward silences. She just said whatever she wanted to, and usually it sparked up a pretty good conversation. We still weren't close by any means, but we were getting better at it.

I looked up in time to see Bella jerk in surprise. That simple movement, one I'd copied so many times before, conveyed everything she probably wanted no one to know. For some strange reason, I was clued in. I knew that she wasn't used to being the center of attention, that probably the only times she was pulled into a conversation was by a family member or a teacher at school. I probably only gained this insight because I'd been almost exactly like her. I still was at times. The only people I'd ever really felt comfortable opening up with was the boy from my past.

I still couldn't wrestle the two images together in my head. Was it even _possible_ for the deal struck up between friends to hold such weight with the court systems? It wasn't like I was looking for a way out, that I wanted to live anywhere but with the Cullens. I just hadn't ever heard of this kind of deal. That whoever took in one child, would willingly take another in if they had no surviving family.

That was me. And before that, it'd been Jasper. Somehow, through my friendship with this boy and the bonds of our parents, we'd both come out of dark situations incredibly lucky. The family that loved him was welcoming me in with no hinderance.

Bella shifted a little more from her place on the deck in front of me. She sat off to my right side, Alice occupying a small circle of space to my left. They sat directly parrallel with each other. "I'm doing okay here. It's weird being back though, but Charlie's been great."

"That's good." Alice went on, beaming at the girl as she idly messed with the pages of her textbook. I wasn't entirely sure we were going to get any studying done today. "I see you with a lot of people at school, it looks like you're making friends okay."

She grimaced then and I felt a sharp wave of pity for her. "I'm the new girl. And I'm tutoring the Cullen that no one's seen yet. I'm pretty sure that's the only reason people are noticing me at school."

Great. Just peachy! I was making things more difficult at school for her by accepting her help. "Bella," I started, then sighed. What could I possibly say to this girl? 'I'm sorry you're getting unwanted attention just because I'm a freak that mysteriously showed up in town?' Yeah, that would go over _so_ well. "I'm sorry." I finished out lamely and carefully ducked my head to pretend to be interested in something I'd written down.

Neither girl was buying it and I felt their eyes practically burning holes into me.

"What?" I sputtered and looked up at both of them, staring at Alice first before fixating on Bella. "I hate it when y'all stare. What gives?"

"You're being rediculous." Alice chirped, only to have Bella nod in agreement. "It's not your fault that this town's so small that people freak out over new people. They were doing that to Bella way before you came to town and I'm pretty sure you'll get your shot once you're cleared to go to school."

I groaned aloud at that and let my shoulders slump against my body. I hated that she'd just said that. Ignorance was bliss, didn't she know that?! "Something to look forward to." I muttered darkly and focused on my lap again. "I can't wait until I get people coming up to me, peeking at my neck and shoulder to see the nasty scars."

"No one would dare." Alice responded almost acidly. My head jerked up in surprise, a small flash of pain radiating around the damaged skin. But I ignored it, too unsettled by the sudden look on Alice's face.

"Dude, it's not like you're going to be able to stop people. And I probably won't get to go back to school until next year. My burns are really bad, Alice."

"Can I ask what happened?" Bella asked suddenly, surprising me. In a way, I'd all but forgotten she was sitting there.

Her simple question brought on a fresh wave of grief, sorrow, and anger. Grief for my dead mother, sorrow that life as I knew it had ended so tragically, and anger. Anger that the whole stupid thing had happened in the first place. It just surprised me a little that some of my anger was directed internally. That brought me up short.

Was I...there was no way I actually felt _angry_ about surviving!

So lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice the changes to my surroundings. I just let the memories swarm through my mind, hating that Bella had asked such a complicated question so simply. I wanted to tell them, I somehow _needed_ to get it all off my chest. But saying every single thing that happened, how bad my parents' relationship was, would just make it all too real for me to handle. So I cleared my throat, glancing up to look at each then shrugged my good shoulder. "House fire. My parents got trapped when the upstairs collapsed. The medics couldn't get to them in time."

It wasn't the entire truth and they both knew it. I hated lying, especially to two girls I wanted to consider friends.

Thankfully Bella let the subject go, a small amount of sorrow filling her deep brown eyes before Alice regained control over the conversation. "Okay, can I ask you something Bella?"

She jumped in surprise yet again but relaxed a little easier than before as she nodded. "Sure Alice, you can ask me anything you want."

There was an opening if I ever saw one! Laughing lightly, I just shook my head slowly and winked at the long-haired brunette. "Careful, she'll make you regret saying that."

"Hey!" Alice chirped and lightly threw her pencil at me. I laughed again, a little louder than normal, and blew her a kiss. She huffed again and stuck her tongue out at me then focused her attention on Bella. "Don't worry, I'll grill Baylee about this later. I just don't really have anyone to talk to about guys, other than Rosalie. She's got a boyfriend so it's not really that much fun."

"Which," I interjected quietly, managing to keep my face blank as I looked at Bella. "in Alice-terms means, is there anyone at school you're interested in? If there is, are you willing to talk to her about it before she goes nuts?"

More laughter ensued, my smile growing a little more genuine when Alice paused to wink discreetly at me before Bella could answer. Her cheeks flushed instantly and poor girl looked like she just wanted to dive under the porch and burrow into the ground as fast as possible. Too bad that just added fuel to the proverbial Alice-fire. She pounced almost immediately, her trilling voice filled with laughter as she scooted closer to the blushing girl. "There is! Who is he, what's he like?"

"Alice!" I laughed out, kicking my foot out lightly to gently connect with her leg. "Let the girl breathe, okay? She's probably way too embarrassed to tell you who it is."

Bella shot me a look of pure relief and gratitude as Alice backed off. I just didn't have the heart to tell her that I was probably already sure of who had caught her eye. Now that I actually had time to think about it, I was certain that the boy she was 'crushing' on was on the other side of the wall. I'd readily admit, she had damn good taste in guys. I just hoped she'd caught his attention the way he'd seemed to catch hers. Moreso for her sake than anyone else's. I didn't entirely know Bella, but I didn't want her hurt. Especially if I couldn't beat the person hurting her into submission.

Violence may not be the answer to all of life's problems, but threatening was probably the most theraputic thing I'd ever found.

"What about you, Alice?" I broke in suddenly, remembering the day I'd sat out back and watched everyone horse around. Even though it stung to look back on it now, there was clearly something between her and Jasper. The way he'd held her, though it reminded me of long-ago days spent doing the same thing, there was something else to how their bodies connected and pieced together. "No one's told me yet why Emmett and Rosalie are the only two in the family dating each other. You and Jasper seem to have a pretty good connection."

I was going to regret bringing this up. I could already tell. But if Alice was plotting anything, she didn't let me in on it.

"Jasper's a sweetheart." She started and smiled up at me warmly then cast the same smile onto Bella, who was watching attentively as she switched from the floor to the swing beside me. "But he's like my brother. Emmett and Rose getting together was a surprise to everybody. He helped her through something that was pretty traumatic and I just think the bond they formed cause of that couldn't be ignored."

"How do Esme and Carlisle feel about two of their children dating?" Bella asked before I could, a deep crease settling between her eyebrows. "I mean, it's gotta be weird, right?"

Alice thought about it for a second then slowly began to shake her head. "Not really. They haven't been officially together that long. I think it happened right after we moved here about two years ago. It's just like second nature now, watching them together. Everyone in the family expected it and our parents are over the moon. As long as they're respectful and following the guidelines Esme and Carlisle set up, they have no problems. I think they always assumed Emmett and Rose would end up together."

Guidelines? What kind of guidelines did two teenagers in love _possibly _want to follow?!

I'd never been in love like the two of those were. What did I know?!


	14. Chapter 14

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Another song by Taylor Swift. What can I say, Baylee really likes the girl's music!_

_Stephenie Meyer's the one making money, I'm just having fun._

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**CHAPTER SONG: YOU BELONG WITH ME - TAYLOR SWIFT**

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**Chapter Fourteen:**

Two weeks had passed and Jasper was _still_ avoiding me. At first, I'd welcomed the distance. Who was I to go back on what I'd asked for? It didn't seem fair; to tell him to leave me alone only to go back on that and want him around.

But now, with all the information I'd been given by Carlisle, it was more difficult to stay away from him. But I was doing my best. I hated it, loathed it actually, but I was sticking to my decision.

To distract myself while everyone was at school, I had music blaring from the little iPod dock I'd put on my bedside dresser. The thing I loved about the little black box was it's dual use of an alarm clock. I didn't need the function but I used it anyway so that I wouldn't sleep through the day. No way was I going to let my injuries and lack of any kind of life get my days and nights mixed up.

The song currently playing was just way too cute for me to ignore, I'd never been able to sit still while it played. So I abandoned schoolwork and began dancing around as much as I could to the melody. The girl singing it was way too addictive for it to be normal. One song, a painful song that reminded me of everything I'd lost, had spawned me buying the rest of her second CD. As well as the first one. She was quickly becoming my go-to when it came to upbeat music when I needed to be uplifted.

Kind of comical if anyone ever peeked into my iPod. Everything from Taylor Swift to Muse and various artists in between. My musical selections were almost as weird as Edward's.

Speak of the devil, it just so happened to be the bronze-haired Cullen that busted me right as I began to mouth words into the pen still in my hand. I hadn't even realized so much time had passed while I was listening to music. He was leaning against my doorframe, arms crossed over his chest with the most amused look on his face.

I stopped moving immediately and smiled sheepishly at him. He just didn't need to know that I was already feeling the affects of my little excursion. I wasn't supposed to be doing any sort of dancing, but I was just _so sick_ of sitting still all the time. I was pushing myself to get better, to regain some of the mobility lost. As long as I didn't overdo it, I'd be fine.

"Enjoy the show?" I smiled breathlessly at him, glancing over at my iPod when the song ended and a song from Paramore began to play. His answering laugh was positive as he came into the room and plopped down in the wide, overstuffed chair that Carlisle had given me as a gift. I needed more furniture in my room, he'd said, and the chair just screamed me when he found it. Or at least, that's what he'd told me when I walked in and found it nestled in the formerly vacant corner of my room.

"Immensely. I didn't think you could bounce around that much without being fully healed."

I just shrugged casually and dropped down on the edge of my bed, curling my left leg beneath me. "I'm probably not supposed to, but I don't care. I'm sick of sitting around and I've never been able to just sit and listen to music."

"Why?" His question was simply curiosity. He wasn't hinting at information that might be used later against me. I was already more comfortable with my foster family than I'd ever been under Brandon's roof. Maybe it was because this was the family that had taken Jasper in and loved him like their own. They also didn't seem to want anything major from me, just my happiness and involvement among them. All things I could give and not be suspicious of.

"I used to dance, back in Texas." I answered and breathed out a heavy sigh in hopes of fully catching my breath. I was so out of shape that it wasn't even funny! Yet another thing I now hated about my convelecence. "I was even a cheerleader at Berkner."

"Do you miss it?" Again, another simple question. Talking to Edward was so much easier to do now that I was out of the hospital and feeling more like his sister. It also helped that I knew of Bella's secret crush on him. I was still trying to think of ways to get the two together. They'd make a really cute couple, or at least I thought so. I had no idea how Edward was at school.

"Every day." I answered with no hesitancy. "I used to play sports too, I was so active before my accident. It's tough to go from that to...this." I muttered the last part out lamely and gestured around me. It was killing me that I just couldn't get up and do the things I used to do, things that made me so happy.

"What sports did you play?" Edward asked with a genuine smile, leaning forward to rest his forearms on the knees of his dark-washed jeans. I could tell that his smile was a little lopsided, pulled up more on the right side than the left. But it was a cute smile, a dangerously cute smile. One I was sure made Bella Swan and probably every other girl at school melt.

"Baseball." I answered quickly then grimaced as I tucked my other leg underneath me, sitting Indian-style with my hands dangling over the corner of my bed. "Well, actually softball. They wouldn't let me play with the guys. But I loved the sport so much that I took what I could get." He just didn't need to know the long and ardious fight my mother had gotten into with my step-father just so I could play.

A wider grin split Edward's features as he nodded and scooted a little closer to the edge of his seat in his excitement. "Wow, you fit in better with us than I figured! The entire family usually gets together to play a game or two of baseball when the weather's nice. I think it's one of the only things we do as an entire family."

"And I bet y'all cheat every chance you get." I snickered and raised an eyebrow slightly, silently daring him to object.

He opened his mouth to deny it, like I expected. But he just clenched his lips shut and shrugged sheepishly. I snickered and shook my head slowly. He seemed to be okay with my assessment, but before our conversation could go any further, Esme came into my room. "Edward, honey, you have a phone call."

Both our interests piqued slightly, but I held my tongue since it wasn't any of my business. No one called me, not that I expected it. The only people I knew and wanted to talk to were in this house. And Bella, but she usually just came over if she wanted to talk.

"Do you know who it is?" He asked politely, only his head turned toward his mother.

"Some girl from school." She answered and the tone of her voice proved that she wasn't too happy about that. My brain began to mull that over as Edward silently stole from the room. The look on his face was a curious mix between wariness and curiosity. Maybe I'd been wrong when I tried to figure out the others' places in school.

"You okay, honey?" Esme asked as she sat down beside me on the bed, her fingers lightly running over my hair. It was now about an inch long and darker than I remembered it being. Guess blonde hair really did darken over time.

"Yeah." I nodded and smiled encouragingly at her as I scooted closer to rest my head on her shoulder. It was easier for me to move my head around on my neck, and I found I'd really missed the simple little actions I used to take for granted. "You don't sound too thrilled about Edward having a phone call."

"I'm not." She huffed then shook her head slightly before resting her cheek on top of my head. "I don't mind my boys having lives outside of the house. I expect that as they get older. But all those girls at school just look at them, Jasper and Edward only like some sort of prize that can be won. I'm half-tempted to ask Carlisle about having our number unlisted."

"They're digging through the phone book for it?!" I squeaked out and looked up at her in surprise. Part of me had expected that, of course. Edward and Jasper were gorgeous boys. I was supposed to be their sister and even _I_ had noticed. Attention was unavoidable for the Cullen children. Minus Emmett. I was willing to bet Rosalie had already taken nessessary steps for the female population at Forks High to know that he was taken. Very taken.

"They are." She nodded and turned slightly to face me better. "They're very popular at school, which didn't really surprise me." She smiled proudly and lightly rubbed my shoulder, her arm still wound around my upper body. "But these girls could use a little more common sense. Poor Edward gets it worse than Jasper does. I just wish they could both find nice girls to spend time with. Not the annoying little brats that call here at all hours of the day and night."

I couldn't fight back the laughter that filled my throat. Looking up at her quickly, and apologetically, I started to shake my head slowly. "I don't think every girl is like that. I know of one perfectly nice girl that has a crush on Edward." And a semi-damaged girl that had a crush on Jasper. I wasn't ready to have that made public knowledge yet.

"Oh really?" Esme looked genuinely surprised as she stared at me, her hand pausing on my arm. "Do you mind telling me who?"

"Only if you promise not to tell anyone. You can probably guess who it is though. But she hasn't confirmed it for me yet. She's too shy."

My foster mother was quiet for a moment then understanding dawned on her face. The smile that resulted was bright and I was sure she was going to explode in happiness from my hint of news. "I suspected as much...." She trailed off then looked at me again. "You're talking about Bella Swan, aren't you?"

"Yup." I chirped out and nodded then looked at her warningly. "But she hasn't come out and said it. I just sorta...know. She clearly likes him by the way she acts whenever she's at the house."

"Poor girl." Esme sighed then and began to rub my arm absently. "She's so shy that she'll probably never have the courage to tell him."

"I don't think she feels good enough for him." I replied before I could really stop myself. "Like, I'm pretty sure she thinks she'll never be able to make him notice her. But I've seen how they act around each other. I'm pretty sure Edward might like her too."

She nodded slowly as she mulled over what I'd just said. I'd undoubtedly given Esme some food for thought. Maybe I'd even gained an ally in my little plot to bring the two together. Bella was perfect for Edward. I hadn't spent nearly enough time to be fully confident in that, but I had to try. Bella deserved to be happy and if one of my foster brothers made her happy, I was determined to make things work out for her.

My own love life may have been nonexistant at that point, but it didn't mean that I was completely oblivious to it all. It was always so much easier to focus on someone else's life rather than my own. I just hoped I wasn't going to be overstepping any boundaries or making people mad. Last thing I wanted was for my family to think I was some meddling nusance.

"What about you?" Esme's question yanked me unceremoniously out of my thoughts. I was so caught off-guard that all I could do was jump in surprise and stare at her guiltily.

"What about me?"

"Have you ever been in a relationship?" She asked almost cautiously. She didn't want to overstep either. The soft spot in my heart reserved just for Esme Cullen grew a little more right then.

I gulped noticably and shook my head slowly. "No, I've always been the friend, never the crush. The only time I was around boys was either in class or through my extra-curriculars."

Esme frowned at that and ran her hand over my hideously short hair. "I don't believe that for a moment, Baylee. Any boy in their right mind would be lucky to have you."

I just shrugged and continued to stare at her. What could I possibly say to that?

"You've never had crushes on boys?" She prompted again. Hell-bent on information, it seemed.

Again, I shook my head almost guility. "I've only liked one boy my entire life. But nothing ever came of it so I just focused on school. I didn't really have time for boys when I was living in Texas. And then the fire happened and...." Trailing off, I just held my hands up helplessly then let them fall back into my lap.

An odd tsking noise vibrated against the back of her throat as she shook her head. "Well I'm just going to have to hope that trend ends. I'm sure there'll be a boy that catches your eye when you get to attend school regularly. Carlisle's so confident in your recovery that you might get to attend your first class as a senior."

I smiled wistfully at that, really hopeful that she was right. But it meant that I still had months before that happened. The school year was already dangerously close to winding down and the family was already starting to talk about college plans for the Cullen children that were graduating in a few weeks' time.

Which meant....

I didn't want to think about Jasper leaving. I'd only just found him, but yet here I was, sitting locked up in my bedroom wasting time. He would probably be staying here for the summer before leaving for college. He had hopes of attending school nearby, not wanting to be too far away from his family. But where Jasper was concerned, it was all tentative. My arrival had sort of uprooted all the planning. Even though I'd already been here for close to three months.

In about two or three weeks, I would be sitting with my foster family, watching Jasper Whitlock Hale graduate from high school. Something I never thought I'd get to see.


	15. Chapter 15

_Stephenie Meyer's holdin' all the cards, I'm just peekin' over her shoulder._

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**CHAPTER SONG: THE DISTANCE - JAMIE WALTERS**

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**Chapter Fifteen:**

Later that night, after dinner had ended, I returned to my room to sketch some. My iPod was, of course, on and playing a song that seemed to fit my mood almost perfectly. The words weren't entirely right, but the basic message of the song was there.

So lost in the lyrics, I stopped drawing and closed my eyes, my head bobbing slightly with the music. "_There's this sensation, feeding on itself. I've got to get to where you are. We had love in our hands, why we tore it apart, I just don't understand. There's a distance between us, it's like a hundred miles of pain. All the distance between us. We've only go ourselves to blame. I wanna reach out and pull you close to me. Wanna make you remember just how good it used to be._"

"Who's this?" I jerked in surprise and looked up to find Jasper standing in my doorway. I hadn't heard him come down the hall and figured that he would just go do whatever he normally did this time of night. I was so certain that he didn't even think about me that I never figured he would come seek me out.

"Jamie Walters." I replied and hit the pause button on my iPod right as the music swelled to it's climax.

"He's good." Jasper nodded then shifted uncomfortably in my doorway. "I heard him as I was leaving the kitchen and just...wondered. Interesting lyrical content, by the way."

I blushed and bobbed my head then felt my shoulders slump against my body. "You don't have think up reasons for coming to see me, Jasper. I'm...I'm sorry about what I said. I was really angry that night and annoyed. I took it out on you and I shouldn't have."

He shook his head and quickly crossed the room to come sit down in front of me. Swallowing thickly, I just stared at him helplessly, watching as he twisted and untwisted his fingers against the leg of his jeans. "I shouldn't have been as pushy as I was. I just didn't want you to do anything to hurt yourself. You can't imagine what it's like on the other side, watching a person in so much pain and not being able to do a thing to stop it."

I could feel the surprise sweep across my face as I straightened up slightly. "Why...Jasper, it's not like _you_ caused my accident."

The sudden frown on his beautiful face killed the words right on the tip of my tongue. He almost looked angry as he hooked a leg underneath him and turned fully to face me. "It wasn't an accident, Baylee. Stop calling it that. How long are you going to keep lying to yourself about what happened? It's not healthy for you to be doing this, not...talking about it."

"You're pushing again, Jazz." I muttered then blinked in surprise. Where had _that_ nickname come from?! Thankfully my mind was working quickly and I remembered where it had come from. I'd started calling him that right before he left Richardson. Talk about hinting at something major!

He looked just as surprised as I felt, one eyebrow inching up against his forehead. "No one's called me that in a really long time. Not since my parents...."

"Sorry." I muttered guiltily and looked down at my bare legs. I was constantly dropping my guard whenever I was around him. It looked like no amount of time away or distance could prevent that. Suddenly, I wanted to kick him really damn hard in the leg.

"Don't worry about it." He replied and smiled lightly at me. As if that one look could demolish the tension that had suddenly filled my bedroom. He stayed still for about a minute or two longer then, in the blink of an eye, he was on his feet with his hand extended to me. "Let's go take a walk. I bet you're sick of being shut up in here."

"Are you going to keep grilling me about my accident?" I asked warily and squinted up at him, intentionally phrasing my words as a silent dare.

He grimaced, and even that looked lovely on his features. But he shook his head and waved his hand toward me impatiently. "I make no promises, but I won't actively make you talk about anything you don't want to."

"Okay." I conceeded and slid my hand into his. The electricity that shot through me was staggering and rendered me immobile for a second. Surely he must have felt it too, because the strangest look crossed his features then. It was almost as if he was in _pain_. Maybe my eyes were decieving me and he just hated having a physical connection between our bodies.

Either way, I silently climbed to my feet and let go of his hand. His arm dropped to his side immediately as I turned and pulled some loose track pants on over my boyshorts. I felt weird being so underdressed and messy around him, but until I could completely go without any gauze on my body, form-fitting clothes were still out of the question.

We headed outside and walked through the backyard in silence, Jasper's hand finding mine to help guide me over a small path that had been created over the river surrounding the Cullens' property. I was a little leery of walking into the woods with him, but the reassuring squeeze of his hand propelled me on. After a few minutes, it was nice to get out and enjoy the weather. Even though it was overcast with a threat of rain, I was enjoying myself and the muted crunch of fallen leaves and bracken under the soles of my slip-on sneakers.

"I still can't believe how different the weather is here." I sighed and tilted my head toward the sky. I wasn't really sure why I chose the weather as the ice breaker. I just needed to say something, _anything_ to drive away the silence that had fallen between us.

"I know. But I've spent so much time here that I can barely remember the Texas heat."

I laughed at that and nodded, needing a minute to swallow back what I really wanted to say. "You aren't missing much. When was the last time you were in Texas?"

He looked thoughtful as we continued to weave through the maze of trees and greenery. But before he said anything, he stopped and guided me over to a fallen tree trunk. It had come to rest against a close-by tree and created a bench. Right there, in the middle of nature, was the perfect resting place for me.

I gingerly sat down then watched as he perched on the fallen tree beside me. His hands were clenched into a joined fist then shoved between his knees. "It was before my parents died. I can't remember a lot of my life because of some things. One of the doctors a foster parent before the Cullens sent me to said it was Post Traumatic Stress that had my memories locked away."

"Defense mechanism." I muttered, finishing his statement for him as my eyes fell to my shoes. "A way of your mind protecting itself. I wish I didn't remember how my parents had died. It would be so easy to just _forget_. Forget all the fighting and the loneliness. To not have to carry that around with me every single day."

"But aren't there things you want to remember?" His voice was so soft and gentle that I had to look over at him to really be sure he'd spoken at all. His expression was patient, but expectant for my answer.

I shrugged carefully and slid my own hands between my knees. "There's some stuff, but not enough to outweigh all the bad. The only memories I'd hold onto are of my best friend and his family."

Jasper's eyebrows knit together at that and he turned slightly to get a clear look at my face. "Your best friend? I think this is the second time you've ever mentioned him to me. You don't talk about him a whole lot."

"I don't." I agreed and lifted my eyes again to meet his. "He left when I was nine years old. But still, the kind of friendship we had? Made everything else so much easier to get through. His parents were like my second family, I always had a safe place to go to whenever my parents' fighting got to be too much for me. My step-father hated kids and never let me or my mother forget that."

"What about your real father?" It seemed the one conversation I didn't want to have with Jasper was the one we were going to be having. At least it wasn't going to take place in the house, with other ears listening in.

"He died." I announced then tilted my head slightly in confusion. "I thought I already told you some of this."

"You did." He nodded then surprised me by unclenching his hands to reach out and take one of mine. I let him, enjoying the warmth of his skin as our joined fingers rested against my thigh. "But you only told me about your best friend leaving. You haven't talked much about your family beyond that."

"With good reason." I sighed and clenched my eyes shut momentarily to starve off the tears that were threatening to spill from my eyes. I hated crying in front of people, especially the boy sitting beside me. But then I realized that he'd already seen me cry. He just didn't seem to remember it. All the memories from our friendship had completely escaped him. "You don't remember me at all, do you?" I whispered, my eyes still closed.

I heard his sharp intake of breath and immediately regretted my words. This wasn't how I'd planned to tell him. Hell, I hadn't even planned on telling him at all! "What're you talking about, Baylee?"

My teeth clamped down on my lower lip painfully as I twisted my head to look up at him again. With my eyes now open, tears were falling freely down my cheeks. "You're probably not going to believe a word I'm about to say but, well...you were my best friend. Jasper, the first time we met was when I was in kindergarten and you in first grade. We used to eat lunch together every day, trading snacks and talking. Your parents gave me a place to stay so that my step-father, Brandon wouldn't beat on me like he was beating on my mom. You're actually the reason I was put in Esme and Carlisle's care."

A long stream of emotions flickered across his face from there. It started out with surprise before fading into confusion, anger, and finally grief. I could still see some lingering anger though, probably at me for not telling him sooner. And really, I didn't blame him. I deserved it for keeping our past a secret. But how could I remind someone of my place in their life when they couldn't remember anything before or after that? It wasn't fair to just dump something like this on a person and expect them to be okay and deal with it. "How?" The muscles in his throat flared against his pale skin at that simple word, eyebrows straining over his beautiful eyes as they stared holes into me. "How did I cause you to be here?"

With a sigh, I explained everything that Carlisle had told me. That our parents had been best friends and planned everything out so that we would be taken care of. "Carlisle and Esme agreed to honor your parents' will and take care of me too. They're doing for me what your parents would have if they were still alive."

"I really wish I knew what to say." Jasper admitted after a long, pregnant pause. His hand slowly slid from mine as he stood and paced away from me. I could see the tension in his shoulders as he bowed his head. The sensory overload had to be agonizing and I wished I could think of something to do to help ease it all.

Climbing to my feet carefully, I bit down on my lip again and came up behind him, wrapping my arms carefully around his waist as I hid my face in the back of his shirt. He didn't relax against me, as I'd hoped he would. If anything, that just seemed to make him even angrier.

"You should've told me." His dark, quiet words felt like daggers being thrown straight at my heart. He twisted around to face me, effectively breaking my hold around his body. "Why didn't you, Baylee?"

"Because I told you to stay away from me. I didn't want you to get any closer to me than you already were. And...when I said that, I had no idea. I hadn't made the connection yet. Your last name threw me and it's been so long since I've seen you! How could I go back on what I'd said just so that I could have my best friend back? Jasper, I'm not asking you to forgive me right now for keeping this from you. But honestly, if you were in my shoes, would this be an easy thing to dump on me? Would you be able to stand here and calmly tell me that we were best friends when we were kids until I moved away then lost my parents? I couldn't do that to you and I wasn't even sure you would believe what I was saying! You don't remember your parents, you still have holes in your memories and I'm one of those holes!"

"You still should've told me." He accused again, but the sting in his words had lessened a little. Heaving a sigh, he stepped back from me and raked a hand through his unruly blonde curls. "I should get you back."

I knew when I couldn't win. There was no reaching him right now, I knew that as certainly as I could feel the twinge of rain in the air. "Okay." I nodded then fell silent as I began to follow him back to the house.

This wasn't how I'd hoped things would go. Not in the teeniest, tiniest bit.


	16. Chapter 16

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **__Big chapter! Huge, huge chapter. I had a different idea of how I wanted to do this, but I was overruled! So here we go. Let me know what you think!_

_Stephenie Meyer's holdin' all the cards, I'm just having some fun._

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**CHAPTER SONG: RETURN TO ME - MATTHEW RYAN**

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**Chapter Sixteen:**

Laying in bed, unable to sleep, had never really been one of my favorite things in the world to deal with. But it always seemed to just happen. No matter what I tried to do in hopes of remedying it, I ended up with the same conclusion. Insomnia.

Carefully climbing out of the bed, I gave up on getting music to soothe me to sleep and carefully padded out into the kitchen. My stomach was growling a little thanks to not eating much during dinner and I wanted something. It was weird to be walking around the house this late at night, with everyone asleep or at least in their rooms for the night. Since I was still mainly confined to the first floor, I didn't know what was going on in the second and third levels, where I knew my foster parents and siblings were probably just drifting off to sleep.

Rubbing my eyes tiredly as I entered the kitchen, I didn't even notice the light on over the small breakfast area until a voice greeted me quietly. "You're up late."

Whirling around, I nearly shouted in pain when my back collided with the low island. Swearing fluently, somewhat mentally, I slapped a hand over my racing pulse and frowned at the shadowy figure that could only be Jasper.

"You scared the crap outta me." I mumbled and carried the glass of milk I'd poured over to the table. Sitting down, carefully, across from him, I winced when another pain shot up my spine and frowned. I was probably going to have to take muscle relaxers now if I had any hope of getting some sleep before dawn.

"Sorry." He muttered and looked genuinely apologetic as he glanced down at the half-eaten bowl of cereal he had in front of him. Hmm, okay so I wasn't the only one with the munchies. "Are you okay?" He asked and looked up suddenly, his green eyes vibrant in the limited source of light. "I didn't mean to make you hit your back."

I just shrugged and shifted in my seat to get more comfortable, bringing my right leg up underneath me before I took a sip of milk. "No worries. I usually do it at least once a day. It's an off day if I'm not wanting to scream at least once in pain."

Jasper didn't look all that impressed with my deadpanned jokes, which caused me to sober up almost immediately. Okay, so he hadn't entirely forgiven me yet for my secret. But I wasn't about to sit there and let him take it out on me. Yeah, I hated the fact that I'd kept something from him. But my reasons were nothing but pure and genuine. I wasn't trying to hurt the boy sitting in front of me. Hurting him was strangely like chopping my arm off. Willingly. Something I would never do or even _plan_ on doing.

"So how long are you going to be mad at me?" I asked suddenly. It was either get the questioning out of the way now or just go back to my room with things remaining unresolved. And I hated that. I didn't want to clear up one fight just to jump into yet another one with my childhood best friend. Even after all the time that had passed, the absence of letters and contact, he still meant so much to me. More than any other person in my life that was still living.

I just hoped he realized that.

"I'm not mad at you." Jasper sighed and set his spoon down. I couldn't remember if he'd taken a bite of his cereal since I came into the room, but figured he probably wasn't even thinking about eating right now. Reaching up with one hand, he ran it through his messy array of curls before letting it flop down into his lap. "It's just weird, having this big revelation exposed to me when you've known about it all along. I won't lie, a part of me feels betrayed Baylee. That's not something I can get over easily. I wish I could, but...." He just offered a helpless shrug before falling silent, his eyes once again returning to his untouched bowl.

The frown on my face stretched my skin almost to the point of pain as I leaned on the table for comfort. Last thing I wanted to do, in the midst of such a deep conversation, was end it by hurting myself and waking up the entire house. My skin was still very raw in some areas, but healing nicely in others. "You act like I intentionally kept this from you. That I was trying to be malicious or something. I wasn't, Jasper. I just honestly had no idea how to tell you. Do you remember anything from your childhood that would give truth to what I told you?

Jasper wasn't exactly known for his long monologues about his feelings and thoughts. He was probably the most quiet of the entire family. But then again, he'd already been a particularly introverted child. It was just one of many reasons why we got along so well when we were kids. "I remember bits and pieces." He finally admitted, breaking the silence just before it grew too tense for me to stand. "I remember the day we met." He offered with a small smile, his eyebrows lifting in what I wanted to be a hopeful gesture. "And I remember a few things beyond that. But a lot of it..." He sighed then shook his head, fidgeting with the spoon he'd just put down. "It's like I have this safe in my mind, and I know that it contains all my memories. Both the good and the bad. But I haven't quite figured out how to open it yet."

I could hear the frustration in his words, I could even feel them ripping into my heart like a dozen tiny knives. "Maybe you just have to let it open on its own?" I offered quietly, once again feeling lame for not entirely knowing what to say. He was hurting, and I was pretty sure a part of him was always going to be in pain. Losing both parents, especially with the way he'd lost his, wasn't something that was easy to get over. The scars from that trauma never left a person, especially if they were just a child when it happened. I hated seeing him like this, so far from the boy I'd grown up playing with. But it seemed that we were one in the same. I'd just gotten a head-start on my scars.

"Just tell me how to make it better." I finally asked, more like begged with my hands stretched toward his. I had to be careful of the glass that set between my elbows. But my primary focus was on the boy sitting in front of me. The boy I'd hurt by keeping something a secret. "How can I fix this so you're not as disappointed as you look?"

His long, lean shoulders lifted into a shrug before bouncing back in line with the rest of his body. "I honestly don't know. But you have to remember how I feel about secrets."

He got me there. I _did_ remember. He hated them, loathed with a firey passion actually. That was the one sure-fire way to get Jasper Hale to stop talking to you. He'd never really understood the point of secrets, and his household had been one where secrets weren't needed. He'd been able to tell his parents everything whereas my entire life was shrouded in one giant secret. No one in the neighborhood needed to know that my step-father was beating his wife and step-daughter. "I do remember." I admitted with a sharp nod of my head then lifted my chin enough to stare at him in the eye. "But you have to remember how _I_ grew up. My life's been nothing but secrets since the moment my mom married Brandon."

"You've never kept secrets from me." He growled and chills tore through my body like ricocheting pinballs. I could only watch helplessly as he got up and strode over to the sink, dumping out his bowl before he became immobile.

I didn't think, didn't even let my movements register until I was on my feet and standing directly behind him. "And I don't have anymore." I offered helplessly, knowing that I was on the verge of tears just by my voice.

Jasper whirled around then, so quick that I had to actually take a step back so that we wouldn't collide. "You have two." He threw back and I flinched once again in surprise. "You haven't told me what really happened the night your parents died and you haven't let anyone but Carlisle and Esme see your back. Those are secrets in my book."

Heaving a sigh, my shoulders slumped slightly as I stared up at him. The height difference was really powerful now that we were both standing on the cusp of adulthood. As much as it freaked me out to expose myself to Jasper, I knew that he was probably the only one in the house that I could be that candid with. He was right, we'd never had secrets before but yet, that seemed to be all that was standing between us now. "Will that help you forgive me? If I tell you what happened and show you my burns?"

"Yes." He admitted with no hesitation whatsoever in his voice. I wasn't really sure why he wanted this from me, and what prompted him to ask for it tonight, of all nights. Maybe this week just seemed to be a good time to let everything come to light. One big revelation snowballs into another and all that.

"Okay." I nodded and loosely folded my arms across the front of the baggy flannel shirt I'd started wearing to bed. It had once belonged to Emmett, but after a major growth spurt that consisted mainly of muscle, it had been donated to my wardrobe. "Which one do you want tonight? I don't have enough energy for both in one night, I'm sorry."

"That's fine." Jasper's voice turned a little more gentle as he loosened his grip on the counter behind him. "I can't ask you to reveal both to me tonight." He conceeded then suddenly stepped forward and folded a hand against my cheek. "I never noticed how tired you look until now. You're not sleeping well, are you?"

I wanted to shout "DUH!" from the top of my voice. But given our situation and the conditions of the house, that probably wasn't the best of ideas. Instead, I just nodded then looked up at him expectantly. "Scars or story?"

He fell silent for a minute, probably to try and figure out which he wanted first. But I knew, in the back of my mind, that one would undoubtedly lead into the other. So it didn't really surprise me when he finally answered me. "I want to see your scars, Baylee."

With a quiet sigh, I nodded and moved away from him long enough to set my glass of milk back into the fridge then lightly grabbed his hand. He let me lead him back toward my bedroom, gently guiding me through the hallway so I didn't bounce into anything as I walked backward. All too soon we were standing in my bedroom, with the door clicking shut quietly behind us.

"Are you sure?" I breathed, afraid that if I raised my voice any louder, it might break the trance that had fallen on the room. I was so nervous that I was visibly shaking in front of him. I could feel the gauze stretching taunt against my skin as Jasper reached out and began unbuttoning my shirt once he'd clicked the light on. He'd need it in order to see everything. I strangely didn't want him to miss a single moment of this, of my brave attempt at letting him back into the space he'd once claimed.

"I want to see them." His voice was just as soft as he continued to work on the line of buttons that ran from my collarbone, down to my hips. I waited until he'd gotten the shirt completely open then dutifully turned around so he could slide the fabric down my arms. The airconditioning was a little chilly against my skin as he exposed the wide expanse of gauze that kept me protected from the fabric of my shirt. Even though it was probably the softest shirt I'd ever worn, thanks to Emmett's devotion to the thing, it still felt like sandpaper against some of my sore spots.

Air felt lodged in my lungs when I noticed him drape the shirt over the foot of my messy bed and turned back to face him again, one arm tight against my chest to keep my breasts hidden. "You'll have to undo the gauze. I can't get all of the spots on my own and it's in sections."

"I'll be careful." He promised then surprised me by applying a gentle kiss to my forehead before turning me back around. It felt weird to be standing in my room, clad in only boyshorts with my back exposed. Jasper himself wasn't entirely dressed, wearing only sleep pants and a loose tee shirt. Still, exposure ratio just didn't compare.

I felt the first piece of tape peel away from my skin, right at my hairline and clenched my eyes shut. My heart was pounding a jagged rhythm against my ribcage as he worked with gentle patience, unwinding the bandages from my body until I was completely bare and exposed in front of him. There wasn't a single line or patch of burned skin that would escape his notice. I could feel every line and crease as I awaited his response.

Jasper didn't say anything as his fingers gently swept across my shoulderblades, where the skin was already beginning to heal over. "Baylee...." He breathed and chills spiraled through me as his fingers traveled lower, tracing the path the fire had created against my skin. My entire back was burned, going no lower than the downward curve into my butt, where my jeans had been on that fateful night.

I felt his hand on my side before he turned me, my jaw clenched tightly as he continued to stare at every single imperfection on my body. "I told you it was bad." I whispered and wrenched my eyes open so I could visibly see his reaction to my badly-burned upper body. But he surprised me yet again, only sorrow unfolding in his eyes as he reached up and gently pulled my arm from my chest. I gulped and winced as my hand fell to my side, but his eyes were on my stomach. Even without all of the scarring to my back, I would never be able to wear a bikini again. Not with the small swell of burns marring the left side of my abdomen.

"Tell me what you're thinking." I begged, nearly breathless with worry as I searched for some sort of sign, anything to give me a clue as to what he was thinking. His lips tightened into a straight line as he retraced the burns that were visible from the front only, starting at my stomach before drifting up my side to my shoulder and neck. "Please?"

That simple word seemed to pull him out of wherever he'd gone mentally. Life flickered back across his face and he finally met my eyes for the first time since the gauze had been removed. "You're still just as beautiful as I thought you were when I saw you for the first time."

"What?" Shock was the first thing to register in my head. I'd never expected him to say something like that to me. Not after everything he'd just seen. Willingly. I still couldn't look at myself in the mirror, clothed or unclothed, bandages or no. But yet he was facing my fears for me, somehow trying to let me know that I was still the same person to him. "What're you talking about? Puberty hadn't even _thought_ of smacking me in the head when we first met."

A light laugh bubbled past his lips and his breath was a warm rush across my face. "I meant the first time I saw you in the hospital. Only, you probably don't remember that day all too well."

My lips pursed together and I curled my arm back over my breasts as I took an uncertain step back. "The first day...it was the first time I'd sketched since the accident."

Jasper just shook his head slowly as a small, secretive smile spread across his features. "I saw you before then. Only you were asleep. I didn't know that when I walked into your room. But you were stretched out on your stomach, looking so peaceful as you slept. Even though you had a mound of bandages on your body, you were still the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen. All because of the serenity that had smoothed across your face."

"You're...insane." It was the only thing I could think to explain. How could he _possibly _think I was beautiful?! I was hideous, a disfigured girl that would never again be whole because of someone else's carelessness for human life. "And that wasn't serenity you saw." I muttered darkly, glancing up at him before I turned away. "That was my new friend, morphine. They kept me pretty doped up back then so I could sleep."

"And now you don't use it to sleep. Yet you still look exactly the same."

My eyebrows raised almost to my hairline as I stared up at him in blank confusion. I was so shocked that the arm protecting me had fallen back to my side. "Dude, you're certifiable. When have you seen me sleep here?!"

I got more laughter for that one. Jasper didn't look the least bit preturbed by my reaction. And here I thought that _I'd_ be the one having to worry. Ha! "Esme sent me in here one morning, I think right after you'd been released, to wake you up for breakfast. But you looked so peaceful that I couldn't bare to wake you. So I just let you sleep." He answered then smiled apologetically. "I promise there are viable reasons for me coming in here. I would never invade your personal space like that."

My breath exhaled in a huff, my eyebrows slanting back over my eyes in superficial anger as I nodded. "Thanks." Shifting uncertainly, I looked down at the bandages he'd removed and gestured at them. "You won't be able to put those back on me, you know."

Jasper glanced down then nodded before he began to ball it all up. "Where do you want me to throw this away?" I pointed defly at the trashcan between my bed and the only window then gestured at my intable with all my creams and gauze.

"You'll have to rebandage me. Think you can?"

For the very first time since he'd undressed me, uncertainty flickered across his features. I almost snickered when his eyes darted from the gauze he'd just thrown away, to me, then my nighstand before completing the circuit at least twice more. "Um...."

I finally laughed then and waved him off. "Don't worry about it. I can sleep with them exposed. I just...can't wear anything while doing so." The last part was admitted sheepishly, though why I wasn't sure. I was practically standing in front of him, _naked_, and now I was being shy. There was something seriously wrong with my thought process.

"Baylee?" I had just turned toward my bed when his soft voice reached my ears. Turning, I just looked at him with a mild sense of expectancy. He fidgeted a little then closed some of the distance between us. "Would you be against me sleeping in here?"

My eyes felt like quarters, and I'm sure they resembled that as I stared up at him dumbly. We used to share the same bed when we were kids, sure. But that was before the complications of growing up. And I'd always been clothed in previous endeavors. Now, there was no way I could sleep with clothes on and actually get to _stay_ asleep. "What if someone walks in? Don't you think they'll start assuming things and think we're...." Trailing off, I just waved a hand between our bodies before widening my eyes again.

"Esme and Carlisle trust us." He started then walked over to the side of the bed I never frequented. Apparently I was going to lose this arguement. It never ceased to amaze me when Jasper decided to exert some confidence and when he just let things slide. "And you're still too raw for anyone to assume that you'd be...willing to do that."

I gulped again and nodded, then gave up. I was so abruptly tired that the only thing I wanted to do was curl up and go to sleep. The thought of getting to do that with Jasper, after years of going without, was too enticing for me to give up. So I caved, climbing into bed before I settled on my stomach. He was right, after all. There were still parts of my body that were sore and nowhere near the healing point they needed for any kind of physical exertion. Or in this case, gratification.

But as I watched Jasper turn the light off, then walk over to lay down, my mind betrayed me by entertaining such thoughts. I was still a virgin, and proud of it. It had taken me a lot to maintain the only ounce of innocence I had left, but I found myself wondering what it would be like to give that piece of myself to the boy laying down beside me. I didn't resist when he gently gathered me up into his arms and positioned me carefully across his chest. With the elevation, I had no fear of rolling over and screaming myself awake in pain. But it brought more unwanted thoughts to the forefront. Even through the thin barrier of his tee shirt, I could still feel his body heat radiating into my chest. My breasts were invisible now against his upper body, with one arm wrapped loosely around his waist.

But when he spoke, his voice already drowsy with sleep, those thoughts floated away. "Tomorrow I'll let you in on one of my secrets, okay? Just so no one starts feeling exploited."

I just nodded and snuggled into him. No matter what I'd endured, no matter what he was keeping from me, it didn't matter in that moment. I had my best friend back, for at least one night. I'd been able to let my guard down enough to show him the worst I'd ever been injured and he hadn't once made me feel bad about my appearance.

Even though he didn't remember the boy he'd once been, I was grateful for the rare glimpse that proved he was still in there. And as I drifted off to sleep, the image of the Jasper I'd grown up with finally molded into the young man laying beneath me with his arms drawn protectively yet carefully around me.


	17. Chapter 17

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Two new chapters this time! Thanks so much for the reviews from the last chapter, which is actually the longest chapter I've written in a very long time. Anyway, here we go!_

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just havin' fun._

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**CHAPTER SONG: HYSTERIA - MUSE**

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**Chapter Seventeen:**

"What the _hell_?!" The room suddenly exploded with anger from a deep, gravely voice. I felt movement underneath me and wrinkled my eyebrows as a result. Didn't anyone seem to realize that I did not want to open my eyes?!

"Wassup?" I mumbled and finally managed to roll over, sitting up as I did so. My eyes had only parted into slits, but when they zeroed in on the violent expression on Edward's face, I was instantly awake. Looking down, I cursed loudly when I realized that I was still topless and yanked the blankets the rest of the way up my body. "Damnit, Edward! Get out!"

He didn't move, but something out of the corner of my eye did. Jumping yet again, I groaned and wanted to hide under my mattress when I noticed Jasper's bleary expression. "What the hell are you two doing in bed together?!" He continued, his voice growing louder and louder in pitch.

"It's called sleeping!" I suddenly yelled and reached out to yank the shirt I'd wanted to sleep in the night before off the foot of my bed. Pulling it on, I nearly shouted in pain when the fabric grated over my skin. But all of that could wait until later. Holding the ends together, with the collar pulled high against my neck, I climbed out from beneath the covers and pointed at the door. "I told you to get out! Go wait in the kitchen or something and we'll be out. Or he'll be out." I muttered the last part as an afterthought and turned to look at Jasper.

Jasper was on his feet by now, shirt and pants rumpled but otherwise intact. Proof that we hadn't been up to anything beneath the blankets of my bed. "Edward, let's give Baylee a minute, okay? She's gotta get rebandaged and I'm sure that shirt's killing her right now."

"You _sure_ you two were just sleeping?" Edward asked and narrowed his eyes at me specifically.

I rolled my eyes and looked away, half-tempted to search for something I could launch at his head. But I resisted, letting Jasper calmly wrangle his brother from the room so I could get my barings. Wow, what a way to start the day! Ignoring both boys completely, I just huffed under my breath and walked across my bed, turned my iPod on and set it to a near deafening volume. It was the weekend, I didn't have to worry about waking anyone up. I could already hear the stirrings of life in various parts of the first floor. No doubt, Esme was about to come in to wake me so I could start the rituals demanded by my injury. So while I waited, gathering up everything she'd need, I blared Muse. It was probably the wrong song to choose for the moment, but I could have honestly cared less. I was more into the pulsing background music than the actual lyrics flowing from Matthew Bellamy's lips.

"You know -" I jerked to a stop, carefully jumping off my bed when Edward's quiet tirade suddenly ended and his eyes landed on me. "You listen to Muse?"

I couldn't help but look around the room slowly then nodded as I walked toward the boys, my free hand waving them back toward the door. It was a little more amusing than it probably should've been for me, watching two guys of over six feet in height tripping over their feet because of a girl nearly half their size was coming toward them, waving her hand. "Considering it's my iPod? Yeah, I do. Now out!"

I had just successfully gotten both of them out into the hall then groaned aloud when Emmett suddenly appeared. "All I wanna do is put my bandages on." I whined, my head falling back slightly as I gripped the ends of my shirt even closer together. Yeah, my biggest foster brother was going to have a _field day_ with this one! Either that or he was going to assume the exact same thing Edward had and think that Jasper and I were breaking the rules he and Rosalie were supposed to be keeping.

Of course, that was exactly what happened. I could only stand there and watch the three get absolutely lost in their conversation, Emmett more than a little wide-eyed whenever he glanced at me then at Jasper.

"Dude, you know the rules! If Rose and I have to follow them, you and Baylee do too!" He nearly shouted then stopped short and blatantly gaped at me. "Wait, I thought you hadn't healed yet. Aren't you, like, not supposed to be getting naked with anyone right now?"

Another groan of frustration filled my throat but my body worked with me, straightening as a low hiss hit the air. "I'm going to say this and I'm only saying it once." I warned, my voice quiet but filled with all the anger and pain swirling through me. "Jasper and I did sleep together. We did not have sex. That will more than likely never happen. In order to reconcile a fight that y'all really don't need to know about, I agreed to show him my burns. I wasn't rebandaged, I'm too raw to wear clothes without them, we went to sleep and now here we are." I sighed and looked up at each shocked face before continuing. "All I really want to do now is bandage myself back up and get dressed. No rules were broken, no need for the testosterone to swell and turn you three into raging assholes."

And with that, I gently swung my bedroom door back into it's frame, leaving the Cullen boys staring blankly at me.

I discarded my shirt yet again then sighed as I slumped onto the edge of my bed, the flannel covering my chest as I stared hopelessly into space. I'd been hoping for a quiet waking-up process, so I could sort out everything that had happened the night before. Obviously, major changes had taken place in my...whatever I had with Jasper. I was thrilled, over the moon actually that I had once again regained my best friend. I just had no idea now if it was a one-night thing, or if the changes would actually take root and stick around.

But all of that was pushed out of my head as my door slowly opened and Esme appeared. It was clear by the look on her face that she had already talked to Edward, Jasper, and Emmett. I just hoped they'd given her the actual story instead of feeding her full of lies generated by misplaced anger.

"Nothing happened." I blurted out and looked up at her sheepishly. The sorrow just seemed to weigh even heavier on her as she sat down beside me and lightly rubbed my bare shoulder.

"I know it didn't." Esme responded and a sad sort of grin lifted one corner of her lips. "But I think we should go over some ground rules."

I grimaced and began to shy away from her. Not only did I _not_ want to have this conversation, I didn't want her to think it was absolutely nessessary. "I don't think you need to, Esme. There's not really anything to talk about."

My foster mother sighed so deeply that it surprised me a little, such a weighted sound coming from someone so small. She stood up and went to retrieve my medical supplies then came back. I didn't need any gesturing to tell me my role in all of this. My shirt was abandoned on the floor and I flopped forward onto my stomach. "Baylee, I'm not saying that I'm convinced you will try something in the house. I'm just...worrying though. I've noticed the way you and Jasper seem to be around each other now."

I gulped back a cry of pain when she smeared cold cream over my lower back, the worst spot, and sighed. "He's just my old best friend, I promise. There was never anything romantic between us and I'm pretty sure there never will be. He's always going to see me as the little girl I was when he left. And what happened in here last night was innocent. I'd never disrespect you guys by doing anything y'all wouldn't agree with. You guys took me in when you didn't have to, I'm not about to make y'all regret that decision!"

Esme sighed again and paused in her movements. I shivered a little when the airconditioning mixed with the cream on my back, making me feel colder than normal. Noticing, she quickly got back to work, not saying anything until I was sufficiently covered and sitting back upright in bed. My flannel shirt was put back on then rebuttoned as Esme settled down beside me. "You never have to worry about us kicking you out, Baylee. You're part of this family, nothing will change that. And I'm not saying that I would ever disagree with one of my children choosing to have a physical relationship in this house. I know that, eventually it will happen. Especially reguarding Rosalie and Emmett." She mumbled the last part out then let her shoulders slump slightly.

It was that one little gesture that caught me off balance. In the entire time I'd been living with the Cullens, I had never seen Esme look as defeated as she did, sitting on my bed. All because she was trying to talk to me about what I presumed was sex. Something that didn't really need to be talked about with me. I'd never been interested in exploring the physical aspects of being with a guy, and some people in my former school of course, made the assumption that I was a lesbian. It wasn't that, I could admit when I thought a girl was attractive. I just didn't want anyone _that close_ to me. Letting someone get close, seeing every single flaw and imperfection gave them the ammunition they needed to bring you down faster than a boulder being thrown into the ocean. I did find a little comfort in her words about me not having to worry about being kicked out. That was another fear that I'd never spoken aloud until now. I didn't want to face the day when the Cullens decided that they'd had enough of me and my issues.

I'd been damaged enough by people in the past, I wasn't ready to embark on those two parts of human behavior any time soon.

"Esme," I started then cleared my throat awkwardly as I carefully placed my hand on her arm. I still wasn't entirely comfortable with affectionate gestures, but I was willing to try with my new family. It was weird how much these people were changing me from the fundamentals I'd grown up with. "I think I understand what you're trying to say to me. And I really appreciate that, but I seriously think you have nothing to worry about when it comes to the whole sex thing. I'm still a virgin and I plan on staying that way for a long time."

I'd said the wrong thing.

Her face crumpled just a fraction more and her hand flattened over mine as she turned toward me. "Oh, Baylee. It hurts me to hear you talk like that. Not because of the words you're saying, but the way you look as you're saying it. I don't want to make assumptions or act like I have any right to tell you your business, but it seems to me like you might be afraid of..._that_."

I couldn't help the small bubble of laughter then quickly looked at her apologetically. "Yeah, I'll admit that might be part of it. But relationships and finding a guy to be with just aren't in my current set of plans. I'm not even fully healed yet, so there's no reason I should even be entertaining the idea of getting naked in front of some guy." I winced at my choice of words, but trudged on. "I've always been like this and I don't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry that I can't be...open and trusting, the way I want to be."

"I see something between you and Jasper, though." She admitted, completely derailing me from what I'd been about to say next. How in the world did people see something between me and a boy I'd barely started speaking to again?! If it was because we'd just so happened to be caught sleeping in the same bed, so what? Albeit my nakedness probably misconstrued the whole thing a little, it still didn't amount to anything more than friendship.

I knew that Carlisle had probably filled her in on everything, both what he'd shared with me as well as what I revealed to him when he finally explained my custody situation. "Jasper and I are just trying to be friends again. For one night, I got to be with the boy I grew up with. Jasper was there for me when no one else was, not even my mom. His parents always gave me a place to stay when I needed it. I tried to sleep in their little guestroom, but I would always end up sneaking into Jasper's room and curling up in his bed. When he left, that was the thing I missed most about our friendship." I could feel the tears dewing in my eyes, but actually having someone to talk to about this was an oddly freeing experience. "I just needed that last night. Now that he remembers us having been friends before, we were able to kind of...take a trip down memory lane so to speak."

"I understand." Esme nodded and gave me a watery smile of her own. I had to laugh, in spite of myself then sighed as she went on. "I want you to have everything that you need, Baylee. I knew that you and Jasper used to be close, or at the very least, your parents were close. And I hoped that, by bringing you here and reuniting you, it would give you a better chance to heal. Not just physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. I just never dreamed that your bond would be so deep. But I'm so glad and grateful that you two have found each other. I think being in each other's lives will heal you. Both of you." She nodded matter-of-factly with the last part of her statement then gracefully rose to her feet.

I could only sit there, dumbstruck as she moved to the door then turned back to face me, a smile that only a mother could achieve stretching her lips. "I wouldn't limit your future to just friendship, Baylee. Fate could very well surprise you. And you never know, being with Jasper and developing something more romantic may come as easy to you as breathing."

As much as I wanted to scoff at her prediction, I didn't. I couldn't do that to her, let my pessimism shoot down her hope like that. She seemed to genuinely want something more to transpire between Jasper and me.

But as it stood right then, I couldn't even clearly classify us as _friends_, much less potential lovers.

I sat there for a long time, my hands clenched together as my iPod blared annoyingly behind me. I seriously needed to go through it and delete some songs, I reminded myself dimly. But it was soon forgotten about as my thoughts sunk deeper and deeper into what had just happened with Jasper and Esme.

What if she was right? Would it really be so terrible, to have the thoughts I'd entertained the night before to come to fruitation? Maybe she _was_ right and I was simply cutting myself off at the knees, something I'd been known to do from a very early age.

But it was just so much easier not to hope. To not want certain things to happen. That way, when nothing worked out right and I was faced with disappointment, it wouldn't be so devestating. Because I hadn't let myself whole-heartedly _want_ what I'd been denied.

Shaking my head, I just sighed and climbed to my feet. I had to get out of this house. I was going stir crazy yet again and had too much to think about. Things that I didn't really want in my head. Pulling on a pair of low-slung jeans, I stuffed my feet into socks and the shoes I'd been wearing when I was carried out of my burning home. They had been held onto and later cleaned up by Esme, the laces just loose enough on the outdated white and blue-striped Addias that I could just slide my feet in without having to worry about tying them up or adjusting them around my feet.

I would never underestimate the power of a well-worn pair of shoes again.


	18. Chapter 18

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just havin' fun._

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**CHAPTER SONG: MERCY - DUFFY**

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**Chapter Eighteen:**

My trek out into the living room, in dire need of some distraction that would take me out of the house, I ended up in a car with Jasper, Edward, and Bella. She'd wanted to study a little, help me stay caught-up on my assignments then grudgingly agreed to come with me. The boys, already over their squabble from this morning, were willing to take me with them on their trip up to Seattle. I just wasn't sure how they felt about now sharing the shopping excursion with two girls. But they seemed to be okay with it, citing the nearly four-hour drive would be worth it thanks to all the stores and shops that just couldn't be found closer to Forks.

Bella rode in the backseat with me the entire way, describing the layout of Forks, La Push, and over to Seattle as the boys interjected about the cities that lay between our home and our destination. Bella had a friend in La Push, she explained with a small smile playing on her lips. I couldn't help mirroring her grin, knowing exactly what she was trying to convey about the friend in question. His name was Jacob Black and their fathers were really good friends. I glanced up toward the front of the car as she spoke, all of us piled into Edward's Volvo with Jasper riding shotgun. Of course, my eyes strayed to him as she spoke of her own best friend, her eyes alight as she went on to tell me more about her life away from school and the Cullen house. I still couldn't think of that place as mine. Hmm, food for thought that I didn't entirely need.

The silence lingered once Bella had run out of things to tell me about. She wasn't one for a whole lot of conversation and I was grateful for that. I wanted to give her my absolute attention, not make her feel like I was just hearing her. What she said was important to me and I hoped she valued me as a friend, the way I saw her.

"Everything okay back there?" Edward called, even glancing over his shoulder as he slowed the speed of the car. We were just about to enter into Seattle city limits, I could tell by the sudden addition of traffic. And to be honest, I was grateful for it. Edward's driving could scare the pants off of anyone!

"Peachy." I announced and even smiled cheesily when he glanced back through the rearview mirror. Bella laughed and was promptly followed by Jasper, who had actually turned in his seat to look at me. It was a little awkward for him, since I had shoved myself in right behind his seat, with Bella sitting behind Edward. But he flashed me a bright grin, reminicent of grins I'd seen when we were kids, then turned back around with a shout when Edward suddenly turned a sharp corner.

"Dude!" I laughed and jokingly gripped the back of the seat with one arm, my other creating a claw against the paneling beside me. "We don't have 'oh shit' handles back here! Give some girls a little warning next time."

Edward laughed then and flashed us all a sheepish look before he concentrated on parking in a spot near the entrance of the mall they'd sought out. "Sorry, it was either have a maniac moment or get T-Boned."

"No more accidents." I nearly yelled then it was my turn to look sheepish as we began to pile out of the car. It was a little awkward for me, having to twist my body at an angle that wouldn't put me in danger of smacking my back against the frame of the door as I climbed out. Jasper was right there, with Bella and Edward standing not too far away, waiting and ready to help me if I needed it.

I sucked in a quick breath when his hand slid into mine, helping me right myself once both of my feet were on the pavement. But the thing that surprised me the most was that he didn't let go of me as he reached around to push the seat back into place then gently close the door. "You can have shotgun on the way home. I didn't think."

"No worries." I shrugged my good shoulder then smiled up at him, my fingers interlacing almost effortlessly with his. "I like it when I'm treated normally. Makes me feel...."

"Normal?" Bella surmised with a grin, shyness screaming from her every feature as she fidgeted beside her gorgeous crush. I just winked at her, then stuck my tongue out, laughing when Edward began to get impatient and started to wave us forward.

"So where to?" Jasper asked once we'd fallen into step behind Bella and Edward. I looked up to find he was staring at me, awaiting my verdict. Oh, right. I'd invited myself along for the ride and now he was trying to make sure I was included.

I shrugged again and lightly swung our hands, thankful that he was on my right instead of left. "Wherever y'all were planning to go. I'm the one that tagged along, remember?"

"Then invited this little hermit along for the ride." Edward teased and actually bumped his shoulder into Bella's. It wasn't with enough force to knock her over, but she did stumble. I had to clap a hand over my mouth when he reached out and caught her, both looking surprised. But from my vantage point, I couldn't tell if the surprise was from him actually helping her, or some hidden moment that Jasper and I weren't allowed to see.

A light round of laughter ensued then and we all decided to go ahead and check out the stores in the general vicinity. Of course, the boys chose _right then_ to let us know that they hadn't really had a plan in mind. Edward wanted to check out the music stores, see if he could find a certain CD, and Jasper needed some new shirts but didn't really know what exactly he wanted.

And people said that women were indecisive!

We walked around for close to an hour, flittering in one store then out another. It didn't really surprise me that I got some looks. I was used to it. After all, I was still technically bald and I had gauze sticking out from under my collar. I'd look too, if I were them. But still, didn't make it any easier for me to try and act normal.

I sighed quietly then groaned about a second later when Jasper grabbed my hand and declared that I needed to do some shopping of my own. I didn't really want to, but I'd never really been able to argue and win with him. Bella had even bought something! I just wondered idly if she would ever guess that the second bag in Edward's hand had actually been bought for her. Further proof that I needed to get these two together. And fast.

"Jasper." I whined again, tugging on his hand in hopes of getting him to stop. Spare me the torture! I didn't want to see more shop employees cringe at the mere sight of me. "I'm tired and I just want to sit down. Can we _please_ just put all of this on hold for a little while?"

He did stop and turn to face me, but the smile on his face didn't give me much confidence that I would win. "Nope, sorry. This one's an errand from Alice. Since she couldn't come with us, she made me swear on my life that we'd bring you in here."

That's when I realized the name that had been embossed above the door. A wig store.

The groan that slipped past my lips this time was a little louder as Bella and Edward walked in to help Jasper. He didn't need reinforcements! _I_ did.

"Y'all are a bunch of traitors." I muttered and shot Jasper the darkest look I could as a woman a little older than us sauntered over. She couldn't have been more obvious in her attempt to eye Jasper and Edward from head to toe before glancing at me then Bella. The expression on her face screamed her thoughts loud and clear; we weren't good enough to be seen with such gorgeous boys. Bitch.

"What can I do for you today?" She asked with a bright smile, which was only reserved for Edward and Jasper.

The one holding my hand in a deathgrip, probably so I couldn't make a run for it, just smiled and pulled me a little closer against his side. "We need to find a wig for this lovely girl here."

That was when the employee finally stopped oogling at Jasper and turned her steel gray eyes on me. Oh goodie! "What kind of wig?" She asked then actually _gasped_ when she finally took in my full appearance. "Why on earth did you shave your head?!"

My jaw clenched almost automatically and if looks could actually kill, Jasper would be six feet under. I was that mad. I felt Bella's hand on my arm, trying to soothe me as I looked at the girl that was supposed to be helping us. "I didn't shave it off intentionally."

"She was caught in a fire." Edward stepped forward so suddenly that I hadn't even seen him move. But the look on his face was a mask of perfect patience. There was a little sorrow that tightened the skin around his lips, but I knew it was only for show. "They had to shave her head and now that she's better, we decided to treat her to a little something special."

Could they seriously be for real?! What did I need with a wig? I didn't care how short my hair was. The only reason I'd had such long hair to begin with was because I'd just gotten lazy over the first few years of high school. Plus my mother had always claimed my hair was such a strong attribute to my beauty that it would be a shame to cut it. Yeah, well I'd gotten my wish anyway!

I tuned out the rest of their conversation, not really wanting to be standing right there while I was talked about in somber tones. Yanking my hand from Jasper, who quickly released me after another glare, I wandered over to the wall that was lined with a dozen or so faceless mannequin heads. Each one wore a different headpiece, varying in cuts, color, and texture.

Bella came up beside me and carefully wound her hand around my wrist. She probably still hadn't gotten over our first encounter and I could tell by the uncertainty in her grip that she was scared of hurting me. God love that Bella Swan.

Looking over at her, I smiled encouragingly then wrinkled my nose as I turned my head to stare at all the different hair choices. "I seriously don't need a wig. I could care less what my hair looks like."

"I know you don't." She mumbled, her voice just barely carrying over the conversation still going on behind us. I was willing to bet at least one of them was flirting. Or being flirted with. Both were entirely possible. "Alice means well though. Esme told her how long your hair used to be."

I just blinked and stared at her for a minute. How in the world could Esme Cullen know just how long my hair had been before it was shaved off in the emergency room?! I hadn't even known about the Cullens during that time so I doubted it was entirely possible that they knew about me. Apparently, I'd been wrong.

Sighing, I just let it go, conceeding far enough that I let each of them choose a wig they liked best to try on. The first one, from Bella, was a very simple headpiece. The hair was long and almost perfectly even in the blonde and brunette divide. I stuck the wig on and turned to face them, even striking a cheesy pose. The hair hung down my back, falling to my elbows as I whirled around to give them all the full effect. Well, mainly Bella since she had been nice in her choice.

"You really should see yourself!" The cashier from hell suddenly appeared again, brandishing a hand-held mirror in one hand. I hissed and instantly pulled the wig off before shoving it back into Bella's hands.

"I don't do mirrors." I muttered and glanced over at Jasper, who was next with his choice. I hated seeing my reflection, even before the fire had happened. The face staring back at me hadn't been my friend in a very long time. But those were the days when I even saw my reflection at all! "Sorry." I muttered, glancing at the girl again before I let Jasper carefully tuck his choice onto my head. I wasn't entirely sure how it would look, but I didn't care. His choice had been pretty simple too. The wig was made of dark brown hair, cut into layers that fell from my chin, to my shoulders with side-swept bangs. I knew enough about hairstyles to know what had been done to this wig.

"Whatcha think?" I asked, peeking up at Jasper from the halo of hair falling in front of one eye. The smile on his face was soft, yet filled with something I couldn't accurately place. It was almost as if he liked me in this wig in a way that extended beyond friendship. Because of that look alone, the wig he'd chosen became the front runner. Even Bella and Edward gave the look two thumbs up. I curtseyed to the best of my ability then carefully peeled the wig off. Now it was Edward's turn.

I revolted almost immediately when I saw his selection. The hair was such a firey red that my mind flashed back instantly to the night my parents had died. The tendrils were short and insanely curly, making it difficult to extract individual curls. The cut was so insanely cute that I began to wonder if he could just find the same wig, but in a different color.

I wasn't entirely sure what tipped him off, but Edward's ears tinted pink as he shoved the wig back onto the mannequin head he'd pulled it off of and stared at me sheepishly. "Sorry, I didn't think about the color."

"It's fine." I sighed and reached up to scratch my head idly. The damn wigs were starting to make my scalp itch! How could I possibly get used to a fake head of hair. "I'm just still a little raw...when it comes to the memories."

Edward nodded then turned and walked deeper into the store. I sighed in spite of myself as my shoulders slumped. Great, I'd officially offended him. On the shopping excursion I hadn't intitially been invited on. Beautiful!

I really was batting a zero average with Edward Cullen today.


	19. Chapter 19

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just havin' fun._

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**CHAPTER SONG: HAPPILY NEVER AFTER - THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS**

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**Chapter Nineteen:**

As soon as we got back to Forks, I holed myself up in my room. It probably wasn't the best way to deal with the awkwardness that had settled between me and Edward since the wig shop, but it was the best thing that I could think of. I knew he felt bad and I hated that he did. After all, how could he have possibly known the real reasons I freaked out over the wig he'd chosen? There was no way he could've known. It wasn't as if anything existed from my past.

Thinking about that as I stood in front of my bedroom window, hands still clapped carefully underneath my breasts, I found myself sinking even deeper into a new pit of depression. I'd been able to feel it coming on for days, threatening to overtake me at the first sign of weakness. But I'd fought, struggled so hard to keep it all at bay that now, I was powerless against the waves of remorse, sadness, and above all; anger.

It surprised me how angry I still was that the whole fire had ever happened. Why had my mother stayed with a guy like Brandon Carter? How could she integrate him so far into our lives that she forgot the person she'd been before him? What was it about him that had made her so willing to not only open herself up to him completely, but leave me helplessly vulnerable against him and his brutality? It was so confusing and yet, the more I thought about it and tried to figure out the sharp twists and turns, the more irritated I became.

For all intents and purposes, my mother had become too weak over the years to fight him off.

Right then and there, I vowed to never let myself get in that far deep with another person. I'd seen the path she'd taken, watched with my own eyes as she grew weaker and weaker under my step-father's reign. Because of them, I was now terrified of the future and how it was stretched out before me. All thanks to my parents, I had officially grown up being scared of love and everything it brought into a person's life.

A light thump resonated behind me and I turned slowly to investigate. Biting down on my lower lip, I just looked down at my shoes then turned back to the window. In the back of my mind, I'd actually been banking on the fact that Jasper would probably come and check on me. As far as I could tell, our friendship was back on the mend. The way it used to be, before tragedy and life pulled us apart.

"You okay?" He asked quietly, coming up behind me to lay his hands carefully on my upper arms.

I just nodded then, in spite of myself, carefully ducked away from his touch. It felt weird to go from having so much distance between us to suddenly having him wanting to touch me. Even though the gestures were pure and innocent, it still felt weird. And I couldn't play off the jolts of electricity he was beginning to ignite. Last thing I wanted was to give his family even more reasons to speculate something transpiring between us. I was supposed to be focusing on keeping up with my schoolwork while I recovered. Not indulging in fantasies about a relationship that would never progress beyond friendship.

"Yeah." I nodded again and slowly turned around to face him, my arms still curled against me. "Just let my thoughts get away from me for a minute."

Jasper nodded and slowly sank onto the edge of my bed. "Thoughts about what?"

I sighed and let my arms drop to my sides as my shoulders slumped. "You don't want to know, trust me."

That got him back on his feet in the blink of an eye. Once again, his hands curled carefully around my arms as he lightly pulled me closer. "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know, Baylee. Come on, talk to me." He replied quietly then flashed me the grin he'd used so many times when we were younger to get me to talk. "This is me, here. You can still talk to me about anything."

My body betrayed me yet again as I rolled my eyes then looked up at him blankly. "I can't talk to you about anything, Jasper. You know that."

A quiet sigh passed his perfect lips, parted slightly as his eyebrows creased against his bright eyes. "Well, I want to change that. I may not remember our entire history but I _do_ know that you never kept anything from me back then. The connection feels too...deep."

Anytime I wanted to be mad at him for disappearing, he had to remind me of his past. Of forgetting that I'd even existed. All so he could save himself mentally from the tragedies falling at his feet.

It was in this moment that I realized I wanted to be mad at him. I wanted to hold onto the grudge that had never presented itself to me until now. I hadn't known that it would even be possible for me to feel the abandonment and loneliness that had suddenly fallen over me. I knew he was trying, it was painfully obvious to me. Both by the events of last night and now. He was trying to be that boy for me, the boy that had left me to fight my demons alone at the tender age of nine.

"I can't do this right now." I admitted in a defeated whisper, not able to look up and assert some kind of eye contact between us. "I'm sorry."

He sighed heavily and I didn't have to look up to see his shoulders slump against his lean body. I could only guess what kind of expression was on his face now, contorting those beautiful lips into a heartbreaking frown. I didn't want to look up. I _wouldn't_ look up and allow him to stay when all I wanted was silence to process everything.

"I understand." Jasper finally admitted and I looked up quickly to see him nodding his head. The look on my face must have triggered something because the smile on his face became bittersweet. "I didn't think it would be easy for you to let me back in, Baylee. I'd be stupid to assume that. A lot of time has passed and a lot of things have changed."

I could only stare up at him in surprise as he leaned down, pressed a chaste kiss to my forehead then turned and left my room. The door clicked shut gently behind him and the tears filled my lower lids simultaneously.

Why was I feeling like this _now_?! What was causing these powerful emotions to overtake me and make me feel like I was being brought to my knees? I hadn't really had the chance to grieve for my losses, it was true. But part of me had been expecting it. As soon as I saw the wig in Edward's hand, I knew. It wasn't far off.

You could only starve off the pain for so long before it crashed into you like a car going ninety miles an hour toward a brick wall. There was no hope for escape.

The sob built up easily in my throat and my knees buckled. Tears began to stream down my cheeks as I fell heavily onto the floor, my arms wrapped tightly against my chest. My fingers gripped my ribs painfully but I couldn't pry them loose. Every single muscle in my body was tensed, straining against the painful tide of grief. Anger forced my fingertips to dig into the spaces between my ribs and a bubble of pain burst past my lips when I gripped my left side too tightly.

But all of that was lost in the vast ocean that had begun to pool around my feet, waiting patiently until I was alone before it soared upward then crashed back down. Dragging me with it, underneath the angry ripples against the surface.

I couldn't guess at how long I stayed on the floor, my body screaming in physical and emotional torment. Esme would be in soon to help me change my bandages, I was dimly aware of that. But the daunting task of pulling myself together in order to face her was just too much to ask of my mind and body. I couldn't pull the pieces back together and temporarily tape them into place. I couldn't even _gather_ said pieces. I was on lockdown, the ocean had me right where it wanted me.

My sobs grew louder, the knees of my jeans soaked with fallen tears, but I stayed where I was. On my knees, haunched over in a truly painful position. I would pay for this later, I was absolutely sure of that.

The sound of someone's entrance reached me just as fingers locked around my arms. All of a sudden, I began to fight. I struggled against the touch that signified comfort and support. That wasn't what my body wanted. It did _not_ want this person touching me, trying to pry me off the floor.

"Stop!" I screamed, my eyes clenched shut so I didn't have to see who I was struggling against. The hands didn't go away and soon I was trapped between a large body and my bed. My cries grew louder, pleading to just leave me alone and let the grief have me. That was the right thing to do. Maybe if I succumbed, just this once, then I could regain the strength needed to pick the shattered pieces back up.

"Baylee, no!" The voice was what caused me to stop struggling violently. My burned flesh was screaming in agony, even the sections that had already begun to heal. Carlisle was the one holding me against the bed, his hands digging carefully into my arms. "Baylee," His voice quietened as he tried to soothe me. I stopped flailing and sank back against the mattress, sounds continuing to pour past my lips as sobs wracked my damaged body. "You're going to hurt yourself, sweetheart." He tried again, his voice assumingly right beside my ear. "You _have_ to calm down."

"I can't." I wailed and moved to turn over. His weight held me defenseless though. I couldn't even move a finger against the patriarch of my foster family. How could I possibly calm down and do as he said if he was holding me prisoner in a painful position?

"You have to." He repeated and his grip began to loosen then. His hands moved to the bed beside my shoulders and some of his weight disappeared. My mind began to hope feverishly that he would fully let me go, let my body get into a more comfortable position before the grief came back to consume me once more. But I just heard him quietly address someone else. When I heard Esme's voice then later felt a painful prick in the curve of one arm, I realized what was happening.

Carlisle stood then and something slid out of my skin. What had he just done? What had he asked Esme to do that he couldn't?

All too soon, I got my answer. The drowsiness was in my veins now, slithering slowly to bring me closer and closer to a dark unconsciousness. Of course.

"I'm sorry." I heard Carlisle's sorrowful apology before a new, different ocean opened underneath me and dragged me down.

* * *

I wasn't alone. As my mind slowly cleared and the control of my muscles came back to me, I was painfully aware of another presence in my bedroom. I'd been resituated, my body no longer screaming at me in agony, as it had been when I was flat on my back and fighting a losing battle.

"She's waking up." The voice that floated into my ears was soft and gentle, much kinder than any other time I'd ever heard it. I felt the bed indent to my right and my fingers moved to seek out the new addition of weight. A cool grip met mine and longer, slender fingers slid easily through mine. "Open your eyes, Baylee."

I groaned, in spite of myself, and turned my head into the pillow that'd been shoved underneath me. I was laying on my stomach, but there wasn't the weight of blankets against my hips. I could feel the scratch of denim against my skin, but cold air was flowing easily over the bare skin of my back. "Wha...?" I asked groggily and crooked a leg to try and prop myself up.

A hand shot out of nowhere and gently guided me back to the bed. "Don't try to move." Now that I was considerably more alert, I recognized Esme's voice. She was standing on my left side, I noted once I finally managed to get my eyes open. Jasper was sitting on my right, his hand gently clenched in a fist with mine. "Your skin needs to air out for a little while, honey."

"Who else?" I muttered and turned toward the heavenly voice that had come from the right side of my body.

"Just Esme and me." He replied and I felt the boxspring groan almost mutely as he leaned over and brushed his lips across my temple. "No one else has been allowed in to see you."

"Okay." I sighed and finally relaxed then. Whatever Carlisle had given me was pretty powerful stuff. I hadn't felt this groggy since the first time I woke up in the hospital. Two consecutive surgeries to save my upper body had required some pretty powerful drugs to knock me out and keep me that way. "What'd he give me?" I muttered, hoping like hell that one of my two vistors could hear me.

If they heard and understood me, I didn't find out.

"Jasper, will you please go get your father? I'll stay with Baylee."

I heard his quiet agreement then watched through sleep-crusted eyelashes as Esme took her son's place at my side then he disappeared. Once again, the door clicked shut behind him and she sighed in time with it. "I'm sorry I didn't get to you sooner."

My eyebrows creased and I wanted to sit up again. But, knowing the woman now twining her fingers through mine, she wouldn't let that happen. All the work I'd put in to get better suddenly felt like I'd just thrown it out the window. One unexpected breakdown had shoved me all the way back to square one. Brilliant move on my part!

She was watching my face and answered before I could formulate the question clearly. "I was trying to give you some space, let you relax after your trip with the boys and Bella. But I should've known, when I heard you fall, that you weren't all right."

"No worries." I sighed and closed my eyes once again. The door opened the closed behind me almost silently, signaling Carlisle's entrance. He came up on my left side and I turned my head to watch him sink into a kneeling position in front of me. "Awesome drugs, Doc." I muttered, my lips twisting into a bitter little smile as I shifted restlessly on my bed.

His smile was patient, but a little rueful as his eyes swept over my exposed upper body. "I'm sorry I had to do that. But, Baylee, you were in serious danger of hurting yourself. Can you tell me what happened?"

I sighed then and closed my eyes again, my muscles slackening to prepare for the emotional torture Carlisle was asking me to put myself through. "I got angry at Jasper." I muttered almost dreamily, like I was figuring this wouldn't be held against me because I was so out of it. "It was too much, I couldn't handle it all."

There was such a long pause to accompany my words that I wanted to look at a clock, just so I could see how much time passed before Carlisle turned his head and began to speak quietly. It was too low for me to hear, but I sighed anyway. "I'm sorry." I muttered and turned my head into the soft pillow once again. "I understand if you send me back. If I can't handle it, how can I expect y'all to?"

"She's not making any sense." Carlisle was whispering again, but this time I could hear him. "Let's let her get some more rest. I'll try and talk to her again when she wakes up."

Esme climbed off the bed so carefully that I barely felt the bed protest her movements. The door opened but didn't click back as fast as it had when Jasper left to get Carlisle. It was when the bed indented again that I realized I wasn't being left alone, like Carlisle had suggested.

"I'm just going to lay with her." The soft voice flowed around me and my eyelids fluttered against my eyes. "I don't want her to be alone when she wakes back up."

I sighed again, deeper and more grateful than before and reached my hand out yet again. I was out before I felt Jasper remake our joined fist.


	20. Chapter 20

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Just a cute little chapter for the masses. I never realized until now just how much more of this story there is to tell. I apologize now for drawing things out the way I have, but this story is in no way of being almost over. I just wanted to thank y'all for continuing to stick by and read what I post. It means a lot._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just playing in her sandbox._

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**CHAPTER SONG: CAR CRASH - MATT NATHANSON**

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**Chapter Twenty:**

Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett were graduating in just two days and Alice wanted to have a party for them. Which meant that everyone in the family had to be in attendance. Not only did _we_ have to put in an appearance to celebrate three members of our family getting ready to go off on their own, but it meant that a good portion of the school would be swarming our home.

I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about a party. Being on display for the entire town to see didn't really sound like my ideal way of celebrating this milestone in my family's history.

Over the past few days, my outlook had changed. I no longer thought of the Cullens as my foster family, they were simply..._my_ family now. After my meltdown, they'd accepted me so absolutely that I no longer had to fear being sent away. Things weren't always going to be smooth sailing, as Esme had said, but that was what made a family strong. Getting over those bumps in the road and coming out as close as before, if not closer; was what built that strength. They didn't expect me to live through every single day with the brightest of outlooks. They were well aware that I still had some emotional healing to do and just wanted to be there to help me through it.

Still, I wasn't sure I was strong enough for this percievable bump.

Blowing out a low breath, I glanced over at my iPod to see what song was playing. The sketchbook that lay in front of me had momentarily been abandoned, but only so I could stretch out my aching fingers. That was another thing I'd been doing more of, capturing each of my graduating siblings in what I'd hoped would be a good graduation present.

Of course, the three had told me that I didn't need to get them anything. They just wanted me to feel apart of the festivities and were honestly thrilled now to think of me among their family, cheering each one on while they walked across the stage to accept their diplomas. Still, I had to do something. After all, it hadn't been manditory for them to like and accept me as they had. I just wanted to show my thanks in the only form given to me.

"Thought I might find you in here." I jerked in surprise and looked up guiltily to find Rosalie standing in my doorway. She was smiling, probably because she had successfully busted me and made me feel guilty. "What're you working on?" She didn't waste any time in coming in and sitting down on the bed across from me.

I swallowed back the lump that threatened to form in my throat and gestured weakly at my sketchpad. Which of course, was open to the sketch of Jasper that I'd just been working on. Rosalie glanced down and looked up with a knowing smile. "It's not what you think." I blurted out suddenly and frowned slightly.

Her perfectly almond-shaped eyes rolled in their sockets as she pushed blonde hair behind her shoulder. "I wasn't thinking anything. But it does make a girl wonder when she finds someone sketching her brother."

I groaned in spite of myself but fought the urge to flop sideways on the mattress. That would hurt and I was surprisingly pain-free today. "Rose," I muttered and looked up pointedly at her. "No. I can already see the wheels turning in your head and that scares me more than the torture known as your graduation party!"

"Funny you should bring that up." She enthused and smiled vibrantly at me as she tucked both legs underneath her. "But just remember, I'm the messenger." She warned and pointed one finger at me before flipping hair behind both shoulders. "Esme, Alice, and I all talked and think that not only should you be in attendance, but you should get some pampering while we help you get ready to face the masses."

"Pampering?" I gasped and looked at her horror-struck. Me and pampering had never really been on a first-name basis before and I didn't really mind that. "This is about y'all, not me! Everyone should be focusing on you, Emmett, and Jasper. Not the reclusive freak y'all took in."

Again, she rolled her eyes at me and snorted in exasperation. Like I could really make this easy on her! Where was the fun in that?! She was acting like she'd never met me before or something. "Baylee?" She questioned seriously, even looking at me with a stern expression we usually only saw playing on Esme's face. "Shut up."

In a truly childish moment, I just shifted in my seat and stuck my tongue out at her. "Bite me." I muttered and recovered slowly. "Seriously though. This should be about you guys, not me. I'm not even sure I'll be making much of an appearance anyway!"

The look on her face didn't change. I had no hope of talking her out of her plan of action. Damnit. "You're getting pampered." She responded and nodded once for effect. "Alice and Esme actually have the entire day set up and clothes are picked out to conceal as much of your skin as possible. Plus you'll be wearing a wig so really, you're freaking out for no reason!"

How on earth did I explain my fears to a girl who had no problem being in the spotlight? It wasn't that I was ashamed or nessessarily scared of my outward appearance. I looked hideous, made my peace with that a long time ago! I just hated crowds. A massive group of people freaked me out and I wasn't really ready to overcome those fears. Plus there would be dancing and I didn't really want to be reminded of what I was no longer able or allowed to do. I'd healed a lot in a considerable amount of time but still. The thought of being around closely compacted bodies grinding to hideous music did not sound like my ideal way to spend a night.

"Besides," She went on and shrugged casually. "Someone needs to be there to keep girls from pouncing on Jasper. It'll be their last chance to try and get some committment out of him and I know he really wants you to be there."

"Then he can ask me himself." I announced firmly, surprising us both by how strong my voice sounded. I could see the wheels turning again and was minutely afraid. I'd never really thought that the women in my family would behave when it came to me and the dating world. But to have them plotting to get me and Jasper together?

Hadn't seen that one coming!

Esme walked in right then and halted the rest of our conversation. "Did you tell her, Rose?"

Knowing instantly what she was talking about, I opened my mouth to further protest but couldn't. The smile on her face was so heartbreakingly hopeful that I didn't have it in me to shoot down her aspirations. "She told me." I muttered lamely and relaxed my shoulders carefully. "But I don't know how much company I'll be. I can't really do anything and I assume there's going to be nothing but dancing and food, right?"

"That doesn't mean you won't have anything to do." Esme smiled and slid onto the bed to sit in the space next to our legs. "You'll have people to hang out with. Bella's been invited and I'm sure the rest of the family will keep you as involved as possible."

I sighed and nodded. She had basically just confirmed my worst fear; no one was going to let me stand by and sulk. Great. "No getting out of this, is there?" I muttered, not being able to help myself as I stared up hopefully at Esme through my eyelashes.

God love her, the smile on her face wasn't smug at all. But Rosalie's was. Kicking her as discreetly as I could, given Esme sitting almost right beside us, I stuck my tongue out at her again and groaned when Esme answered me.

"Absolutely none. You're part of this family, Baylee. We can't celebrate this milestone without you and we won't."

"Then I'll be there." I announced with a deep incline of my head. Thankfully my neck hadn't been as damaged as the rest of my body.

Just as soon as I said that, both women started to celebrate, hugging each other like they'd just succeeded in getting the sun to rise when they wanted it to. Groaning again, I slapped both of their thighs and hurriedly climbed to my feet. I didn't stop until I was out in the living room, but when I saw the room's occupants, I jerked to a quick stop.

Bella and Edward were actually in the same room, without anyone else! And I had to go and ruin that in my hasty escape.

Edward smiled as he looked up at me, only a smidge patronizing as he angled away from Bella slightly. Yeah, he was definitely going to get kicked if he said what I figured he was about to. "Rose and Esme get to you?"

"Yes." I hissed and continued on into the kitchen. I heard footsteps behind me but didn't think anything of it as I approached the fridge. Grabbing a bottle of water, I unscrewed the cap and turned, swallowed thickly when not only did Bella follow me, but Edward did as well. "What?" I blurted out and stared at them both expectantly. "I'm not doing the trained monkey routine again!"

A confused glance passed between the maybe-couple before I got a really great, but evil idea. "Hey!" I announced and smiled brightly at them both as I set my bottle down. "Edward, did you finally get around to asking Bella to be your date for the party?"

If looks could kill...!

Sure, he'd mentioned it once while talking to Emmett. He'd been trying to get the family's opinion on maybe starting something with my pretty tutor. But he hadn't made a decision, as far as I knew. And I was pretty sure that I wasn't supposed to have heard him asking for advice. Or expressing interest in the police chief's daughter. Whoops!

Guess that was what he got for trying to embarrass me in front of an audience.

Bella gulped and looked over at me shyly. I met her gaze and winked discreetly before coming around the wide island. Slapping Edward on the shoulder, I just smiled brightly at him then lightly pushed him toward Bella. In his surprise, he stumbled and closed some distance. I could practically _hear_ him curse me in his head.

But it was worth it. More than worth it! I just had to find someone to hide behind.

Instead of going back to my room, where I could still hear the excited voices of Rosalie and Esme, I carefully jogged upstairs and raced through Jasper's open bedroom door. I hadn't really spent much time in the upstairs part of the house. I still had no idea what the third floor looked like! But I'd been in Jasper's room once before.

Still, it was a surprise to walk so casually inside and see how he'd decorated his living space. The walls were a calming shade of white, littered with various photographs from childhood and posters from favorite bands, TV shows, and movies. I could clearly see the theme of his room; music. His guitar sat in it's stand in the corner of the room where the glass wall met solid white plaster. His computer desk, which had been shoved into the corner of the opposite side of the room, between his closet door and the wall, was uncluttered with the machine humming almost silently. His screensaver was on so I knew he hadn't touched it for at least ten minutes.

Jasper was, of course, lounging on his wide bed, blankets perfectly smooth beneath him. "Hey." He smiled and sat up a little. "To what do I owe this surprise?"

I beamed at him then carefully scrambled onto the bed. He'd been sketching, much to my surprise, but I tried not to focus on what he'd been drawing. Invasion of privacy and all that. "I think Edward might be plotting my death so I need somewhere to hide. Rose and Esme are still in my room though so I can't go there."

He laughed lightly and shook his head as he sat up fully and tucked his jeaned legs beneath him. "What did you do to Edward? That way I can decide if you're worth hiding."

For the third time in an hour, I stuck my tongue out at him then curled my legs up to my chest. "I kinda...outed him in front of Bella."

"Outed?" Jasper drew the word out in his rich, twangy accent and raised an eyebrow slightly.

"Yup." I nodded and smiled lightly, keeping a surprisingly straight face. "Bella now knows that your brother's gay. I'm surprised you couldn't hear her heart breaking downstairs."

The same bass that usually flooded his voice was deep in his laughter as he shook his head again. "Oh, how I miss you when you hide out." He snickered again then sighed and looked back at me. "Seriously now, how did you out Edward?"

"Know how he was thinkin' about asking her to the party?" When Jasper nodded, I trudged on. "Well to get him back for channelling ghosts of jackass past, I kinda asked him if he'd done it yet." Mouthing 'oops', I just shrugged and smiled cutely.

Of course, Jasper laughed me then got up to put his sketchpad away. "How'd he take that?"

"Dunno." I chirped and turned to throw my legs over the edge of his bed. "I started running as soon as I said it. I'm not stupid, dude!"

"It's amazing he hasn't tried to lock you in a closet yet." He laughed out and moved to lean against the low edge of his computer desk. As always, arms crossed over his chest with one ankle hooking over his other foot. "What about you though? How're you feelin' about this party thing?"

"Not about me." I shook his question off casually and leaned back carefully on my hands. "But I did agree to go. Esme told me that resistance is futile so I'll let them have their fun."

He snickered again and another moment of sheer evilness attacked again. I was getting a little annoyed at him constantly laughing at me! Okay, I wasn't but still. I was on a roll, apparently. "Plus Rose said you're gonna need a babysitter and tag!" I grinned brightly and suddenly then threw a hand up carefully. "That's me."

"Really?" Aha! Didn't get any laughter that time. Jasper just looked shocked as he stared at me. "Did you agree to that too?"

"Nope." I shook my head stubbornly and slid to my feet. "I told her that if you want me to act as your official babysitter, keep the hormonal idiots at bay, then _you_ have to ask me. I'm not gonna be someone's shadow unless they want me to."

It must've been in the way I worded it. But I wasn't entirely sure. All I knew is that, one minute, Jasper was standing perfectly still and at ease; the next he was crossing his bedroom to lightly grip my shoulders. "Do you want me to ask you?"

I just stared up at him blankly then ducked down enough to bite at one arm stretched out in front of me. "I want you to stop acting like you have to hold me in place just to ask me something. But yeah, sure. Hanging out with you for a night might not amount to the torture pulling my toenails out with rusty pliers would."

He laughed at me again, but let me go. His hands fell limply to his sides for a second before he hooking his thumbs into the back pockets of his jeans. All of a sudden, I became aware of just how close we were standing. This was probably the least amount of distance that had settled between us since the disasterous trip to Seattle. Forcing that out of my head, I just bit down on my bottom lip and looked up at the gorgeous boy towering over me.

"Will you be my date to the party then?" His voice was so soft that I was almost sure I'd heard him wrong. Did he actually use the word _date_?!

Shock flickered through my system, and probaby my face before I began to nod slowly. "Sure." I shrugged casually and smiled lightly up at him. "Besides, I mean how bad would it look if one of the graduates couldn't even find a date to his own party?!"

Then, just like that, I was once again darting out of yet another room.

If I kept this up, I wouldn't have a safe place in the whole damn house!


	21. Chapter 21

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just having some fun._

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**CHAPTER SONG: IN THE ROUGH - ANNA NALICK**

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**Chapter Twenty-One:**

The morning of the party and all I wanted to do was hide under my covers. I even had the door locked and bolted against any offending intruders. To say that I'd woken up on the wrong side of the bed was putting the essence of my mood lightly.

I didn't want to get up and face the possible torture Esme, Alice, and Rosalie had planned for me. I didn't want to put myself on display for the entire town to gawk at, but I didn't want them hounding Jasper for the entire evening.

With a heavy sigh, I glared at the intruding rays of sunlight and threw the blankets off my legs. I was finally able to start sleeping on my right side, albeit _very_ carefully. The pounding on my door commenced right as my feet hit the plush carpeting.

There was just no way I was going to be allowed to bow out of this one gracefully.

I made quick work of unblocking the door and stepped out of the way just in time for the heavy block of wood to swing wide open.

"Finally!" Rosalie huffed, looking as natural as I'd ever seen her. Her long blonde hair was pulled up against the back of her head, a pair of track pants and tank top adoring her frame. The thing that surprised me the most about her appearance, as well as Alice's was the fact that there wasn't a speck of makeup on either of their faces.

Alice was dressed similar to her sister, but instead of sweatpants, she had on a pair of jean shorts and an oversized tee shirt that made her already-tiny frame look gaunt. "I thought we were about to have to get one of the boys to drag you out of here."

I rolled my eyes at Alice's dramatic statement and stalked over to my closet. Pulling out the first things my hands touched, I turned back around and began to start shooing the two girls back out.

"What?" Rose screeched, her eyes rounding into quarters as she backed out of the door. "You _just_ let us in! When will you just accept the facts and get a move on?!"

"I have accepted." I grumbled and stuck my tongue out at her right as Esme came up behind the girls. She looked like any normal suburban mom in her clothing and make-up choices. She looked stylish in the track suit she'd picked out and her wavy carmel hair was neatly pinned back with a matching clip. "But Esme has to change my bandages before we can go!"

"Oh!" Both girls squeaked in surprise then turned and darted past our mother. I just snickered and shook my head as I tossed my clothes onto the bed and started to assume the position. Thanks to the passing of time, and the amount of skin that was healing pretty quickly, my bandaging ritual had been drastically downgraded.

I only needed to be patched up across my lower back and stomach. The most sensitive areas but hey, I didn't have to have gauze taped to the side of my neck anymore and I was grateful for that. Once Esme had me ready to go injury-wise, I struggled into my own pair of track pants, tank top, and oversized hoodie that would hide my damaged skin.

If anyone went for the collar, they were going to get jabbed in the eye. With something sharp.

"I think you should go ahead and put a wig on." Esme replied quietly as she walked back into my room. I grimaced at her but consented. She was right, I needed to get used to the itchy ass scalp before the party anyway. Plus it would help hide my neck better and keep people from asking why I'd buzzed my hair off. Even though it was now almost stylishly short. Alice had celebrated when she saw the new growth, claiming she would be able to help me style it in no time.

That was comforting. Especially since my hair was just a smidge shorter than her own inky black locks. It was also a little darker than it had been before.

The process of picking out my wig was taken completely out of my hands when Rose and Alice burst back into my room. Of course, they chose the wig that Jasper had selected and pulled it into a loose, messy pontail at the nape of my neck.

"There." Rosalie grinned once she had pulled her hands free from the wig. "Looks like it's been worn before now."

I smiled up at her then carefully leaned over to pull on my sneakers. Brand new, low-top Converse that had been a gift from Esme and Carlisle. Shoes that had been my only pair of shoes before the fire consumed my entire wardrobe.

"Okay." I sighed and rose to my full height, letting my hands slap carefully against my thighs. "Let's get this show on the road."

"That's the spirit!" Alice beamed at me brightly then looped her arm through mine before gracefully sweeping me from the bedroom.

Bella was waiting for us in the living room when we emerged and Esme chose right then to fill me in on the changes for today's activities. Esme had originally planned to go with us but someone had to stay behind to help the workers set up for the party. So it had fallen on her since Carlisle was scheduled to work today. Bella was taking her place!

Edward had formally invited her to the party, as his date. I was nearly beside myself in happiness. Plus, having a girl like Bella along for the ride was soothing to my wounded little ego. She was just as girlie as I was, which was pretty much nonexistant.

Making the trek outside, I gaped openly at our chosen set of wheels for today. Rosalie's bright red BMW M3 convertible. The top was, thankfully, up to preserve the placement of my hairpiece. But still. The car was probably the flashiest vehicle I'd ever been led to in my life, knocking Carlisle's Mercedes into second place.

"You know," Rose mused as we piled in, me taking the front seat since it was still difficult for me to climb in and out of a backseat that didn't have it's own door. "The guys are talking about giving you a car of your own."

I reeled internally but pretended that she was talking to one of her backseat passengers. When neither girl said anything, I just sighed and turned to look at her as she expertly manuevered the car around and began to drive. "You're talking to me, aren't you?"

She nodded and my heart sank into my toes. "I don't need a car."

"You will." She went on as if I wasn't being given yet another thing to fight my family over. "Once you start school, you'll need your own car so you can go places. We all have our own vehicle."

"Jasper doesn't." I challenged quickly, glad that I had something to come back at her with. "And Alice doesn't either for that matter! It's just you, Edward, Emmett, and our parents that have cars. Which means I don't need one."

"Edward's already said he isn't giving you rides to school." Rosalie challenged, the smile on her face daring me to keep fighting.

I just rolled my eyes and huffed in anger. I was going to have a talk with my _beloved_ foster brother just as soon as all this party crap was over with.

"Bella," I muttered and turned my head as far back as I could to look at her. She was trying not to laugh, bless her, but I could still see the stress of repressed laughter on her face. "You might not be seeing too much of Edward soon, make the most of it."

The entire car errupted in laughter at my attempt of violence. Rolling my eyes again, I just held one hand up, middle finger extended, then slouched further into the seat.

This was going to be one hell of a long day. And we hadn't even gotten to our first stop yet!

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I was officially ready for the party by the time we reached the house again. Parking beside Bella's rusty Chevy truck, I swiftly climbed out and headed for the house. I was on edge and terrified of anyone seeing me the way I looked. I had too much makeup on, my bandages had slipped over the course of the day, and my lower back felt like it had just been scrubbed clean with bleach.

Hmmm, maybe I could take a painpill and "accidentally" sleep through the party.

As soon as we all got inside, that plan was shot to hell when Esme took over and ushered me back to my room. Alice followed close behind once she'd gotten my party outfit from her closet upstairs and closed the door behind her.

I heard her gasp right as the door gently clicked shut behind her. I was already naked from the waist up, the gauze discarded on the floor. I was completely exposed and my tiny sister was no doubt getting an eyeful.

"Oh Baylee!" She sighed and came up beside me. I just smiled weakly at her then glanced down at the pile of fabric in her hand.

"Don't." I warned, already feeling tears pricking at the back of my eyes. I could just hear the women in my family having a fit at me messing up my makeup. "Just pretend they don't exist, okay? That's the only way I can deal with you seeing me like this."

She swallowed thickly and nodded then turned and set my clothes out on the bed. "I think my selections will hide your skin pretty well. And since your wig will be down, your neck's going to be covered."

"Thanks Alice." I sighed then yelped in surprise when Esme accidentally wound the gauze a little too tightly around my waist.

"I'm sorry." Esme chirped and patted my arm helplessly before resecuring my bandages. As soon as she put the final piece of tape into place, Alice reappeared. Girl was deceptively quick for someone her size! It was a little nervewrecking sometimes.

It took a little longer than we wanted, me getting ready. But as soon as the denim skirt and pale blue camisole and button-down shirt set were on, I was left alone to tend to my hair. I finally decided to brave the mirror, actually wincing at my reflection once I'd peeled my eyes open. The result astounded me.

My makeup was perfectly applied to my lightly tanned skin, dark smoky eyes staring back at me as a cascade of chestnut locks fell down to my shoulders and around my neck. The collar of my shirt was high enough that the charred skin on my neck wasn't peeking out, mocking me.

As I stood there, gaping at my reflection, I looked almost _normal._ There wasn't a single hint of the injuries on my body and I momentarily got lost in a wave of gratitude. All to the women in my family, who had been meticulous in helping me get ready for this graduation party. I still wasn't sure why we were having it two days before the actual graduation ceremony, but I was beyond questioning motives anymore.

Asking the Cullens a question was always a gamble, especially when it pertained to planned events.

Hearing a light knock at my door, I raked one hand through the hair falling to my shoulders and turned expectantly. I still hadn't put my shoes on yet and was almost sure it was Alice or Rose, coming to check on my progress.

The head of blonde hair was what I saw first, followed by the green eyes I wanted so badly to get lost in. "Is it safe?" Jasper teased and finally walked into my room as I emerged from behind the door, where my mirror was actually located. All Alice's last-minute doing. She was taking it down in the morning. I just...had to remember to tell her that!

"It's safe." I announced and spread my arms out to turn slowly for his inspection.

He took one more step into the room and froze instantly. His eyes rounded amusingly and I had to swallow back a nervous giggle as I took in what he was wearing. Simple pair of jeans combined with a black button down, the sleeves rolled to just below the bend of his elbows. The top three butons were open, revealing just a peek of the white undershirt hidden underneath. His bright blonde hair was as unruly as ever, and of course, he looked gorgeous.

"Verdict?" I asked and turned to slip my feet into the flip flops that Alice had left for me. The only concession she had made about my entire outfit. I got to pick the shoes. They were the same color as my shirt, showing off my freshly painted toenails and smooth heels. "Think you can stand to be seen with me tonight?"

The sharp intake of breath was my first indicator that Jasper was thinking something I probably didn't want to know. He was slow as he advanced on me, his eyes traveling from the crown of my fake hair, all the way down to the thongs of my sandals. This was the most amount of skin I'd ever willingly exposed to the general public in a very long time, and I had to admit, his reaction wasn't really helping to boost my confidence.

But just when I thought I had his reaction figured out, Jasper surprised me. Meeting my eyes briefly, I could only blink in surprise when he suddenly grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him. A small hiss of pain flowed past my lips when my belly met his roughly, but any other sound was promptly cut off when his lips suddenly crashed onto mine.


	22. Chapter 22

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **__With the recent death of Michael Jackson, I've been listening to his music pretty much nonstop. I grew up as a fan and some of his songs actually helped inspire this chapter. Both because of his passing and some of his songs, this turned out a smidge darker than I intended. But I feel it's only fitting that I made one of them this chapter's choice song. I apologize now and hope you guys don't want to kill me after reading. There's a method to my madness, I promise._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just having some fun._

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**CHAPTER SONG: GIVE IN TO ME - MICHAEL JACKSON**

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**Chapter Twenty-Two:**

For years, I'd been wondering what it would be like to kiss Jasper. To imagine what it would feel like to have his lips against mine with my body pressed close to his. I'd daydreamed about this over and over.

But to actually have it happen? The reality far exceeded any dream my mind could've conjured.

Jasper's lips were every bit as soft as I'd once imagined them to be. The fullness of his kiss conformed against mine intoxicatingly, making me instantly want more. I couldn't stop my hands as they moved up his arms slowly, gripping the sleeves of his shirt tightly in a couple of areas before coming together against the back of his head. A broken sigh filled my throat as I wove my fingers through the bright curls against the back of his skull and flattened my body against his in an impossibly painful arch.

But the pain didn't reach me. For some reason, it _couldn't._ Not while I was standing there, letting my childhood best friend kiss the breath out of me. I jumped in surprise when his tongue darted out and touched my lower lip, causing my mouth to open against his. As he molded into me a little more, I felt the shiver that broke free down his spine when our tongues met for the very first time.

His taste invaded my senses just as easily as his cologne or body wash did whenever he came downstairs for breakfast in the morning, freshly showered and ready to face the day. It was so strange, but oddly thrilling to not have a single thought in my head that _didn't_ center around the boy standing in front of me, kissing the breath out of me.

In a painfully slow gesture that screamed he wanted to do anything _but_ stop kissing me, his lips left mine before he rested his forehead against mine. I was relieved to find that he looked just as out of breath as I was. I hadn't kissed a lot of boys in Richardson, but I liked that I got such a powerful reaction from him.

"That was...." His whisper trailed off as he shook his head, causing our foreheads to rub together as he lightly gripped my hips. I loved that he was mindful of my back, especially if his thoughts were as muddled as mine.

"Wow." I breathed and closed my eyes to relish in the instant play-back my mind was creating. I didn't want a single part of me to ever forget this.

The door bounced noisily against the wall and we jerked away as if we'd just been shocked with jumper cables. Alice stood between us, looking very angry with her hands fisted on her hips. I gulped noisily and wondered if she'd just been lying to me when she said she thought of Jasper as her brother, not something more.

"Do either of you care to tell me why you aren't out front yet?" She growled, her bell-like voice surprisingly low and menacing. I shivered again, this time in fear and shrugged innocently. She just rolled her eyes then reached out and grabbed my wrist lightly. "I expected Jasper to try and bail out, but you? Baylee, you promised."

The relief that flooded through me impaired my balance momentarily but I recovered and nearly stumbled behind her down the hall. Jasper locked up my room for me then came up behind us, snickering at the loud echoing of my flip flops against the tiled floor.

As soon as we reached the entrance into the family room, which had been completely converted for the party; I jerked to a stop. Alice squeaked in surprise as her own steps faltered. Sighing in frustration, she stopped and turned back around to face me. But whatever angry retort she had quickly left her when she saw the panic on my own face.

"Alice, I can't." I muttered, my eyes darting at the crowd beginning to form. They were all staring in blatant awe at the decorations but hadn't noticed me standing there, Yet. "I'm sorry." My apology came out in a rush before I turned and sprinted up the stairs as fast as my ruined body would allow. I heard footsteps echo being me but didn't pause long enough to see who was pursuing me. I didn't care. I needed out and I needed it _now_.

The figure behind me caught up once I reached the second story landing and I yelped in surprise and fear when I was pulled off my feet and whirled into another room. As soon as I saw the white walls, I knew that Jasper had grabbed me. He let me go long enough to close the door behind him before he pulled me up against him for a careful hug. "Baylee, talk to me."

"Crowds scare me." I admitted in a dead, wooden voice. My entire body was numb, rigid against his lean body. "All those people standing so close together...it's always freaked me out to a certain degree. The fire's just made things worse."

"You're not going to the party unless you want to." He resolved and sighed as he pulled away then led me to his bed. I sat down stiffly on the edge, still looking at his closed bedroom door. I flinched when he slid his hand into mine, smoothing my fingers from the claws they'd formed. That relaxed me, but only to a tiny degree.

I was just waiting on Alice to come upstairs and demand I rejoin everyone.

"Alice won't allow that." I muttered and finally twisted my face around to stare into his eyes. The sadness staring back at me caused my stomach to lurch violently and I climbed back to my feet. My arms wrapped around my ribs on their own accord and I stopped only two steps from the door. My only escape. "Besides," I admitted and finally turned back around to face him. "I'll be stuck up here all night. With you. That's not the most ideal way to celebrate one's graduation."

"I don't care." Jasper announced and rose to his full height. He was standing in front of me yet again and gently guided my chin up to look at him again. "I'm not exactly keen on going down there either, Bay. If you want to stay up here and just hang out, I'll make the others understand. Or maybe we could just ease you into the party. It's never easy to be one of the first ones to arrive."

"How do you know so much about parties?" I muttered in annoyance but relented when he gently tugged my arms from my body. "You were always Mr. Recluse when you lived in Richardson."

"Alice is my sister, remember?" He gave me a sardonic smile then led me back to the bed. Instead of sitting on the edge, like we had before, he stretched out on the mattress and pulled me carefully up against his side. I got comfortable surprisingly quick and sighed as my cheek fell to his chest. I could hear his heart thumping a comforting rhythm against his ribcage and closed my eyes as I focused on that and that alone.

The music cued up downstairs and I tensed all over again. A frustrated hiss passed Jasper's lips, but I ignored it. All in favor of refocusing on Jasper's heartrate. That was calming, I could listen to that and not go into meltdown mode.

"I think I know what I'm going to ask my parents for as a graduation present."

"You mean you haven't done that yet?" I asked and sat up to look at him clearly. My neck wasn't healed yet for me to lay still against him with my head twisted at such a painful angle.

"I've given hints." He revealed with a small shrug as he reached up and toyed with the hair of my wig. Frowning as I carefully climbed over him and regained my footing, I pulled the wig off and set it carefully aside before my overshirt joined it. With my back turned to Jasper as I set my stuff carefully aside, I heard the low gasp that fell from his throat.

I wanted to cry. Right then and there. Moisture dewed in my eyes and I swiped the back of my hand angrily to trap any tears that threatened to escape. "I hate this, Jazz."

"Hate what?" He asked but his voice was so close that I jumped and whirled around. He was standing again, knees bent so his face was as level with mine as could be. "What do you hate?"

"Being like this." I muttered miserably and gestured at myself. Anger suddenly boiled up to the surface, making my veins feel like they were on fire. "I hate feeling like a prisoner in my own body! I hate feeling like a freak because I couldn't get out of the house in time. I don't want everyone staring and grimacing at me when they realize that I'm not exactly Little Miss Perfect. This is my most dominant feature now, you can't even look at me without gasping in horror!"

Another irritated sound passed Jasper's lips and I pushed him away roughly. "Okay then." I muttered and yanked my camisole off once the zipper had been released against my side. The shirt had barely fluttered to the floor before I was yanking off the rest of my clothing. I didn't leave a single thing on and was soon standing naked in front of Jasper. "Can you _honestly_ tell me that this is attractive?" I hissed, my eyes narrowed into slits as I slowly turned so he could see every single flaw, scar, and burn on my body. Brandon's rage had left their marks long before the fire. But even after all of that, the only things I worried about were the scars on my wrists and the burns sprawling across my back and stomach.

I felt Jasper's gaze on every inch of bare skin. The anger was still coursing through my veins, making me want to trash the room and anything else that lay in my path. Instead of that, instead of following long-abandoned habits, I stood perfectly still. As I slowly turned around to face him, he looked like he'd been made out of stone. His face was etched with faint lines of animosity but I couldn't trace the orgins. My mind was spiraling out ahead of me, taking in every single change and flicker of his expression.

"Can _you_ tell me that men would find this attractive?" I asked again, my voice nearly silent with anger. I didn't think as I stepped closer, my arms still spread out at my sides, palms up to the ceiling. "Would _you_ want to go to bed with someone who looked like this?"

Again, Jasper stayed still and silent until there was barely an inch of room between us. I could feel every exhaled breath against my face as his eyes stared holes into me, immobilizing me before him. My hands slapping down to my sides broke me of my reverie and I shook my head before slowly turning away. "I didn't think so. Don't fill me full of bullshit, Jasper. It's not going to help me in the long run."

I had just reached for my skirt when I felt movement against my back. Yelping in pain when rough fabric met the bandages across the small of my back, the pain was quickly ebbed away when I was turned around to face Jasper once again. The expression on his face just seconds before his lips crashed onto mine sent me reeling, searing its way into my brain for the rest of my life.

I'd never seen such intensity before in his eyes. The Jasper I'd known was always so gentle and laid-back. It took a lot to push him to the point of visible anger. But I'd done that. In a moment of sheer stupidity combined with overreacting to my fear of crowds, I'd pushed him to the breaking point.

Only, it wasn't the breaking point I'd been expecting. I had fully expected him to push me away, to decide that I was just way too insane to handle anymore. I expected him to scream in my face and ask where the girl I used to be had gone. But I didn't recieve any of that. Far from it, actually.

I didn't feel the pain as he crushed me up against his body, no longer mindful of my damaged skin as his lips continued to move roughly against mine. My body made it's own decisions as I molded into him, even going so far as to hook one thigh around his as my arms tightened around his neck. That simple move just added fuel to the fire. We were moving before I was even aware of it, air whooshing past my lips in a surprised sound when we landed on the bed.

Jasper held me securely in his lap as he sat on the edge of his bed, my legs straddling his thighs as he held my cheeks in his hands. My lungs were beginning to burn for air but I didn't care. Instead, I just kept kissing him and pulled my arms loose long enough to shove my hands up the back of his shirt, shoving as much of the white undershirt aside as I could. Feeling my movements, the kiss was broken long enough for him to lean back and rid himself of the button down. My eyes roamed every inch of newly exposed skin I could reach, hungrily commiting everything to memory before I felt his lips on the good side of my neck.

Sighing quietly as my eyelids fluttered then closed, my hands slid higher up his back and came to a stop at his shoulderblades. One hand stayed flattened against the muscles working beneath his skin, the other tangling in his blonde curls. A deep sigh vibrated through his chest, causing a shiver to flash down my spine as his lips traveled down to my collarbone then to the right, straight for my scarred neck.

As he continued to kiss a path along my skin, I realized that he was only coming in contact with undamaged skin. Sure that there was still at least some part of my appearance that was revolting to him, I prepared to climb out of his lap. To put a stop to things before it could all get dangerously out of hand. But then I felt his fingers lightly skimming down the charred skin covering my spine. I froze and my head fell back slightly as a small sigh mixed delicately with a whimper of pain.

No one had ever touched me like this, even before the fire. Hell, until about ten minutes ago, no one had ever seen me completely naked. Now Jasper had all of those firsts under his belt. His hands continued to roam over my skin, being careful among the burned patches, a little more pressure applied to the unscathed parts of my upper body. A low string of sighs built up easily in my throat when his fingers danced over the underside of my breasts, but my thoughts started to catch up to what we were doing.

Was this really what we needed to be doing? Was I strong enough emotionally to let the last wall in my defense down? It was already crumbling beneath Jasper's nimble fingers. But there was still some lingering doubt. None of them centered around Jasper, but around me. _I_ wasn't ready to let him in this far.

"Jasper." I mumbled and reached up to gently push his shoulders back so he would look up at me.

"Hmm?" He wasn't working with me though, his kisses making tracks further down my chest. He was at my breast bone now and I shivered when his tongue lightly traced the upward curve of my left breast. It wasn't until I felt his hand slide over the inside of my thigh, up toward the curve of my hips that I began to mentally hyperventilate.

"Jasper, stop!" I shouted and jerked out of his lap. Both of us were panting for air as I regained my footing and my heart lurched when I saw the look on his face.

Sheer surprise mixed with guilt. He'd instantly thought that he'd done something wrong.

"I...." Trailing off, tears brimmed my lower lids then spilled over. "I'm sorry." I rushed out in a quiet whisper then lurched for my discarded clothing. I couldn't look at him as I quickly redressed, not even bothering with my overshirt or flip flops as I pulled the door open and practically fell out into the hallway.

I could hear the party going on in full force as I ran down the stairs. A few people noticed when I skid to a stop just on the fringe of the party. A girl with long, flowing blonde hair stopped talking to a guy with short, spiky blonde hair and openly gaped at me. I hadn't put my wig on and the burn trail on my neck was prominant.

The tears fell faster then and I felt frozen, rooted in place. Bella suddenly appeared in front of me, Edward and Alice by her side. Together, they turned me around and gently pushed me down the hallway to my room. I could feel the shock contorting my features as I stumbled into my room and began to cry openly then.

Edward gasped when he saw the full extent of my burns flowing into the low back of my shirt and I reached out blindly to start pushing them all out.

"Go back to the party." I muttered, my voice thick with the tears streaming down my cheeks, ruining my carefully made-up face. When no one moved, I wanted to rip what was left of my hair out of my head. "_Get out_!" I screamed at the top of my voice, nearly collapsing to the floor when Esme appeared then began to ushering my saviors out into the hall.

I regained control of myself long enough to notice when it was just me and Esme closed up in my bedroom then I dissolved into tears once again. Esme quickly gathered me up in her arms and held me close, whispering soothing words into my ears as she guided me back toward my bed. I laid down without so much as a fight, too lost in the misery and memories filling my mind.

I'd been right. I wasn't ready to take such a big step with anyone, especially Jasper.


	23. Chapter 23

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ The next chapter! Hopefully y'all like it and again, thanks so much for all the reviews and for taking the time to read my story. Also, thank you to the new readers that have decided to follow this story's progress, I hope I don't disappoint._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just playing in her sandbox._

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**CHAPTER SONG: LAY ME DOWN - THE WRECKERS**

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**Chapter Twenty-Three:**

"_I hear you say, it's not the same. I'm sorry, it's something I just can't explain. So shut your mouth and hold me close. We both know it's better than being alone. I don't mind killing time as long as I can see it in your eyes. Lay me down, I'm lonely. You don't understand me, and you never even tried. If wanting you's wrong then I'm wrong, I'll admit it. Time after time, you realize you don't mean it."_

My eyes stayed closed as I focused on the lyrics flowing quietly into my room. I hadn't moved from my bed in close to thirty-six hours. Graduation was quickly approaching and I knew that I would have to leave the sanctuary of my room to be in attendance. I'd promised and no matter what happened or what was going through my head, I wasn't going back on that promise.

As the song drifted to it's conclusion, I clenched my eyes shut as tears began to break free for the upteenth time since I'd fled Jasper's room. Instead of staying silent though, my voice joined in with the melody set by The Wreckers. The lyrics were just too personal for me to ignore. "_I'm sorry, lay me down. I'm lonely, lay me down._"

"Is that a confession of sorts?" Lifting my head, I flopped back onto my stomach when my visitor, intruder, whatever you wanted to call him walked into the room.

Edward wasted no time in commanding the space to the right of me, stretching his legs out and crossing his ankles as he reclined against my headboard. "What do you want, Edward?"

He just shrugged and looked down at me, surprising us both by reaching out to mess with my hair. "I came to check on you. You haven't left your room since the night of the party. And I'm sorry but the look on your face when we found you? That's not really something I can easily forget, Baylee."

"I'm fine." I muttered and turned my head away from him. He sighed in mild aggravation but didn't try to reach out and make me look at him again. "You've got to talk to him sometime. You're running out of time, Bay."

"What?" That worked! Sitting up on my elbows, I winced when my lower back constricted but otherwise ignored the flair of pain. "What're you talking about, I'm running out of time?"

"Jasper's leaving for the summer." He announced, as if I was supposed to already know that had been in his plans all along. I dimly remembered the part of our conversation that covered his graduation present and began to wonder just what he'd asked for.

"Where's he going?" I asked in spite of myself, letting my curiosity get the better of me.

Edward shrugged and looked at the wall to my left before his vibrant green eyes refocused on me. "Our parents are letting him use the beach house we have down in California until he has to report for school."

"Great." I muttered and laid back down, my curiosity floating away as fast as my energy had. I didn't want to think about Jasper leaving, no longer being in the house and so painstakingly close to me.

"He was going to ask you to go with him." Edward mused silently, sparking my curiosity right back up. But I refused to give him any kind of satisfaction and just nodded tiredly.

"Let me guess." I mused and lifted my eyes to study my foster brother's facial reaction. "He changed his mind the night of the party."

"I don't think he has. He really wants you to go with him, he just has no idea what to say to you right now. You rocked him pretty hard that night, he's scared to get near you because he doesn't know how you'll react."

I grunted in irritation but lifted myself off the bed and started for the door. I didn't care that I was only dressed in a pair of boxers and a baggy tee shirt. I didn't care that I was leaving Edward alone in my room. I wanted to talk to Jasper and I needed to do that before I lost my nerve.

Easily finding Jasper in his room, packing for his impending trip to California, I cleared my throat and lightly tapped my knuckles against his open door. He turned around slowly, his expression unchanged when he saw me standing there. "I see Edward's told you."

"That you're leaving?" I started and stepped into the room with a nod. "Yeah. He also let it slip that you were going to ask me to come with you."

"I won't put you in that kind of tight spot." He muttered and looked down at the plain, black duffel bag in front of him.

Heaving a sigh, I shut the door behind me and went to sit down on the only empty space on his bed. A space that just so happened to be right beside the bag he was packing. "Jasper, I'm sorry." I admitted in a quiet rush, not being able to lift my eyes from the neat piles of clothes he intended on taking with him. "I really wish I knew what to say to you right now, what...what you _want_ me to say to you."

"I just want to know why." Emotion finally entered his voice then and he stared at me like he was trying to see directly into my brain. "Why did you just bolt? What did I do that was so horrible you couldn't stay and talk to me about it?"

I sighed and hung my head in cowardly surrender. "You didn't do anything." I admitted then climbed to my feet and lightly gripped his wrist when he reached out to grab a pile of clothes. "Jasper, look at me." I whined and tried to wedge my body between his and the bed. He wasn't so accomodating though and I had to work to get him to look at me again. "_Look_ at me." I demanded this time, my voice strong and forceful as I tugged on his arm.

His shoulders slumped as he turned to face me, face expectant. Seeing that look in his eyes made my heart want to sink down into my toes, but I forced the words bubbling on the tip of my tongue out anyway. "I freaked out, okay? I can't explain it. I don't have some grand excuse for what I did or how I reacted to you. All I _can_ say is that I'm sorry. So sorry that I didn't stay and talk to you about it. I was just so scared that my instincts kicked in and I ran."

"I really wish you'd stop running from me." He growled, surprising me so much with his ferocity that I took an involuntary step back. He sighed again and shook his head as he lightly shook my hand off. "Forget it." He muttered and swiped a hand through his hair as he looked back down at his bag. "I can see when I'm fighting a losing battle here. I won't bother you anymore, Baylee. You're off the hook."

"No." I shouted and grabbed his arm again. When I didn't succeed, like I figured I wouldn't, I grabbed his duffel and flung it aside before climbing onto the bed. Sitting up on my knees, I grabbed his shoulders this time and forced him to look at me. "Don't do that, please? I hate seeing you so defeated like this and I know that it's my fault. I keep letting you in, only to push you away. But Jasper, can't you see how difficult this all is for me? I didn't expect to come here and have all of this happen. I didn't expect...."

"Expect what?" He lifted his head and met my gaze, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. "For me to see past the scars and the brutality? Baylee, I'm not exactly spotless here either, okay? I know a thing or two about loss and having your entire world ripped away from you. I know how it feels to have someone look at you and see the freak you think is lurking in your own reflection. But you _can't_ keep doing this to me. You can't keep letting me in, seeing glimpses of a girl I could really love, and really _do_ want to love, then just shut the door in my face."

"Wait." I waved my hands wildly in front of me and sat back on my heels. "When did love come into this?"

The sigh that passed his lips this time was angry as he turned and plopped down on the mattress beside me. "Do you really think I could've done what I did the other night if I still only saw you as a friend? Baylee, I haven't seen you in that light in a very long time. Probably long before you told me that you were a missing piece of my past. I wouldn't have made the moves on you that I did if my feelings weren't as strong as they are."

"Then ask me to go." I admitted suddenly, rashly. I didn't want him to leave, even more so now that he was revealing a piece of himself to me. "Ask me to come with you and I'll go. We can spend the whole summer just getting to know each other. I can...I can get used to you wanting to be with me like that before you leave for school. Just...Jasper, please don't leave like this. I can't take another hurtful goodbye from you."

"Give me one good reason why I should ask you to come with me." I flinched as if he'd slapped me. His hard expression softened, but only marginally as he stood back up and turned to face me. I sat up on my knees again and lightly cupped his cheeks with both hands.

"Because you see me as the girl I want to be, not the girl I am. And I need that right now, more than I can ever say. I know it's not fair to you for me to ask this. It's not _fair_ for me to want you to help me fix myself. But, fine, I'll admit it. I need you, Jasper. In any way I can get you. If that's not enough of a reason then...." Trailing off, I just shrugged and let my hands fall into my lap, sitting back as I did so. "Then I'm not enough for you."

His head bowed at my last statement and I climbed off his bed then replaced his bag. "I'll let you make the decision, it's not a choice I have to make."

Jasper didn't move, he didn't even flinch as I regained my balance and slowly walked out of his room. The wig he'd selected for me in Seattle still lay where I'd left it that night and I had no urge to pick it up and return it to the faceless mannequin head in my room. He needed space and time. I could see that as clearly as I could see the blue and green checkers in the pattern of his bedspread.

Edward was gone when I walked back into my bedroom. But instead of beelining for my bed, I stalked over to the closet and threw the doors open. I had to start getting ready for graduation. Or at the very least, choose something to _wear_. The bag Esme had surprised me with lay on the floor of my closet and I stared down at it dejectedly. I hoped I would get to use it, that I'd be able to fill it with clothes that I would spend my summer wearing.

Part of me knew it wasn't fair to ask Jasper to take me with him on his last summer vacation before college. He didn't know how to properly help me care for my skin and there were all the sun issues to consider.

But I wanted to go. A larger, stronger part of me _needed_ that time with Jasper. I just hoped he would give me the opportunity to make things up to him.

I wasn't entirely sure how I was going to do that, but I knew it would take a lot of honesty on my part. I had to be honest with him, he deserved that after everything that had already happened between us. It wasn't fair for me to keep my secrets when all he wanted to do was be there for me and support me.

I just hoped I had enough strength to tell him everything he would need to know. Maybe then, once it was all out in the open, I would finally have the courage to let him in and let him _stay_ in.

That was the toughest part. Not to mention, Jasper had some secrets of his own. I'd seen traces of it when he abandoned his button-down shirt, and he'd mentioned it before. The night I'd exposed my scars, he told me about the scars of his own. That was the only thing I could concentrate on now, now that the reminder was in the forefront of my mind.

What other horrors lurked in my best friend's past? What monumental change had happened in my absence? He wasn't the boy I had grown up, but then again I wasn't the girl he'd grown up with either.

Sinking onto my bed, I couldn't help but wonder what all we'd missed in our years apart. What more would we have to face before enough was finally enough and we were granted some rare moments of peace that would make chasing the demons away easier to accomplish?


	24. Chapter 24

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just having some fun._

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**CHAPTER SONG: BAD HABITS - MICHAEL TOLCHER**

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**Chapter Twenty-Four:**

"You listen to some weird music, girl." I couldn't help but snicker as Rosalie wrinkled her nose in front of me.

It was finally time to start getting ready for graduation and of course, all the girls were gathered in my room to get ready. Alice had brought in a mirror and replaced it on the back of my closed door. Where it would stay until Esme successfully transferred all my stuff into a room upstairs. If that was what I wanted, she had decided.

I'd grown attached to the room was I in now though, and the longer I thought about it, the more I didn't mind being on the first floor. Sure I had a communal bathroom but I would probably have that upstairs as well. The only rooms on the second floor that were connected to a bathroom had already been claimed and I wasn't going to push anyone out of their living space.

"I do not." I laughed, snickering a little more when I surprised Rose. She cursed at the smudged line of eyeliner on her lower right eyelid and spared me a glare before grabbing a tissue to try and remedy her mistake. "Sorry." I muttered, more for her benefit than mine then yelped up at Alice when she grabbed my chin to immobilze me.

"Baylee, hold still or I'm going to do the same thing to you that Rose just did to herself!" She complained and brought the black eyeliner pencil closer to me. I was tempted to bite at it but wouldn't be able to reach it.

Sighing, I just slouched and pouted up at the tiny brunette. "I don't see why all this attention needs to be paid to me. No one's even going to notice me with all of you standing around!"

"They'll notice you." She amended and smiled at me. "No one dressed by me has _ever_ been overlooked!"

"Great." I groaned, but resigned myself to letting her have her fun. Truth be told, there was only one person who's opinion mattered to me. I just didn't want to tell my sisters that and be subjected to their taunts and good-natured ribbing. The more secrets I kept to myself, the better I felt. It was probably a strange and potentially dangerous way of looking at things but I didn't really care.

"Is Bella coming to the ceremony too?" I asked, in spite of myself and blinked rapidly once Alice had finished with my eyes and released me. I wasn't really sure exactly what was going on between the pair. But from what I'd been told about the party, Bella and Edward had really hit it off and were spending as much time together as they could.

Both girls nodded and then Alice helped me to my feet so I could get my dress and hairpiece on. The final pieces to the Baylee puzzle. I frowned at the dark blue dress Rosalie and Alice had picked out for me, but was thankful that it came with a matching cardigan sweater. It would conceal my neck and the skin on my back that wouldn't be covered by my dress. It was calf-length and very form-fitting, much to Alice's delight.

I was starting to feel like an oversized Barbie doll, just as I'd predicted when I first moved in with the Cullen family.

Once I was deemed ready, wearing the hairpiece that Bella had picked out instead of Jasper's selection, which was still upstairs; I risked a look in the mirror to make sure that my damaged skin was well-concealed.

It was. Thanks to the dress, sweater, and the long dirty blonde hair hung perfectly straight down my neck and back. No one would be able to tell, just by looking at me, that I'd survived a horrific house fire. We met the rest of the family in the living room and I smiled shyly up at Jasper when he stopped what he was doing to look at me.

I seemed to have a gift for commanding his attention. I just couldn't be sure yet if that was a good thing or a bad.

"You look great." He murmured, smiling as he stepped closer to me. I just smiled bashfully, muttered a quiet 'thank you' then looked up when Esme and Carlisle started to gesture us all toward the door.

As I fell into step behind Jasper, who paused long enough to grab his graduation cap and gown, I got a better look at his own outfit. He was dressed much like he'd been for the party but instead of wearing a black dress shirt, a white one had been picked out. Complete with a tie. I'd always thought that ties on men were just plain weird, but on this family? Well, they could pull just about anything off and make it look like the best fashion ever invented.

Seating assignments for the ride to the school was a tricky affair since the family was so large. Bella pulled up in her rusted truck just as we were all piling into Carlisle's Mercedes and Edward's Volvo. She was getting shotgun in his car, with Emmett and Rosalie riding with him. That just left me, Jasper, Alice, and our parents in Carlisle's car. I wedged myself in the backseat between Alice and Jasper, smiling my thanks when they helped me get my seatbelt on then blinked when Jasper produced a tiny pillow for the small of my back. I leaned forward so he could set it into place and noticed the shared smile between father and mother from the front seat.

I could see their wheels turning too and wanted to groan aloud. Why had I been given to a family full of matchmakers?! It was horribly unfair when their sights were set on me.

We made good time in getting to the school, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett disappearing as soon as we were parked and climbing out of our respective vehicles. They had to get in line fast if they wanted to be on time for the festivities and the remaining family trooped inside to claim our seats. That was a little easier to deal with and I was grateful that the chairs were so plushly cushioned. They were white folding chairs with cushions attached to the back and the seats, providing comfort for the families as they sat through what I figured would be a long ceremony. I dutifully sat down between Esme and Bella; Edward claimed the seat on her right, with Carlisle sitting on the other side of his wife. They clasped hands then we all looked over as the graduates trooped down the isle separating families and filed into the rows of empty seats designated for the graduates. I noticed Jasper as he came down the line, Rosalie right behind him in the single-person line and smiled at them both. They winked at us then took their places. Emmett had gone before them, thanks to his last name, and twisted around to wave at us before he regained his composure and sat down.

Mr. Greene stepped up to the podium and commanded the audience's attention. I zoned out then, not really interested in what he or the class valedictorian had to say about the future, choices, and being released into the world.

There was a sadness suddenly gripping my chest that I hadn't felt until the class was on their feet and filing forward to accept their diplomas. This was the end of a life I'd grown really accustomed to. I'd been with the Cullens since right around Christmas and hated that I would be losing three siblings to this whole so-called future thing. Emmett and Rosalie were going to college together, having both been accepted to Dartmouth thanks to their impeciable grades and their family's wealth. Jasper was staying closer to home, having been accepted to an art school in Seattle.

It was a good fit for him. I had tried to envision him at some sophisticated school that prided itself on higher academia, but couldn't. It just wasn't the right place for him, he didn't belong in a school that wouldn't nurture his gift and love for art and music. He was following his heart and I could see from the expressions on Carlisle and Esme's faces that they fully supported their son's decision.

I never thought that I would get to see Jasper graduate from high school. That was a dream I'd long ago let go of as a reality without him set in. But yet, here I was, smiling and clapping right along with his adopted family as his name was called and he walked across the stage to accept his diploma. Rosalie was right behind him and our cheers grew a little louder for the proud blonde striding forward purposefully. They both paused on the other side of the stage and waved, posing for pictures before rejoining their classmates.

That was the only part of the ceremony that would stay with me, the smiles on Emmett, Jasper, and Rosalie's faces as they officially graduated from high school. Caps rained from the air once the ceremony was concluded and the three newly-graduated Cullen children rushed over to celebrate with us.

"I'm so proud!" Esme squealed, her eyes already shiny with tears and fresh tracks down her cheeks. She embraced all three at once, then pulled back to snap a picture.

"Thanks Mom." Jasper smiled sheepishly at her then surprised me by reaching out to lightly grab my hand. I flushed and smiled at him then put one foot in front of the other as we headed outside for more pictures. The grouping was difficult to keep up with from there, friends bombarding pictures while everyone laughed and snapped away.

I hung off to the side and just smiled as I watched, hugging Rosalie's purse to my chest as I watched everyone celebrate and enjoy this milestone. But my hidden enjoyment was short-lived. Esme wanted a picture of the entire family and that included me.

I grimaced as I rejoined them, noting that one of the other parents had been gracious enough to take the expensive camera and capture us in this moment. Bella was even included in the picture, smiling timidly from under Edward's arm. I wedged myself on the end, wrapping my arm around Alice's as I smiled for the coming flash of light. But not everyone was okay with my placement.

"Baylee, stand over here." Esme instructed and left Carlisle's side long enough for her to guide me where she wanted me. Rosalie was at the center of the picture, Emmett on her right with Jasper on her left. Edward stepped away from his brother's side and smiled down at me before gently winding his arm around my damaged shoulders. Jasper grasped my waist, further trapping me in place. So I just smiled as brightly as I could, strands of blonde and brown hair falling in front of my face from the wind.

The picture was artfully captured and I started to back away so more pictures of the graduates could be taken. I got maybe one or two steps in before Jasper lightly grabbed my wrist. "Mom," He called out and turned to look at Esme. "Can you take a picture of me and Baylee before she escapes?"

A collective chorus of laughter sounded and I wanted to kick each person. But I stepped up to Jasper's side again and surprised him this time by turning into his side and wrapped both arms around his waist. He flashed me a bewildered smile then recovered as he looked up to face Esme. She counted down then another flash went off in front of my eyes. Blinking, I stumbled on the uneven grass, thanks to my low heels and jumped in surprise when Jasper caught me then pinned me up against him again.

"Damn spots." I muttered, good-naturedly, and my smile became a little more geninue when he kissed my crown of fake hair and hugged me close.

He didn't pull away like I figured he would, so when I started to step back, I was thwarfed yet again. Only this time by his voice, which was right at my left ear. "Come to California with me."

I froze, gulped noisily then stared up at him blankly. "I...what?"

He laughed easily, and freely as he squeezed my waist gently. "Are you really going to make me ask you again?" He teased, a hypnotic glint of deviousness in his eyes. When I didn't answer immediately, he sighed and tilted his head toward me again. "I want you to come with me to California. I already asked Esme and Carlisle. They're more than okay with it so that just leaves you and your answer. Please, Baylee. I'm not ready to say goodbye to you yet, even if it's only short-term."

That was true. He would be coming back at the end of the summer, but only for a few days before he went up to Seattle so he could get settled into his new apartment and be ready for his first day of classes. He'd wanted to live in the dorms, but the school he'd chosen didn't exactly have that so our parents found a pretty nice, moderately priced apartment and rented it out for him. He could have a job if he wanted, to earn himself some extra spending money, but Esme and Carlisle wanted him to focus on school more than anything else. They'd worked hard to provide this sort of finanical freedom for their children.

Realizing that I hadn't exactly answered him yet, I swallowed thickly then dumbly nodded my head. "Okay." I muttered then squealed in surprise when I was suddenly lifted up off my feet. I couldn't help but laugh, feeling only a small amount of pain from Jasper's grip. The next shock came when he gently lowered me back to my feet then bent forward and gently pressed his lips to mine. In front of our entire family.

Well, that was one way to introduce me to the town of Forks, Washington.


	25. Chapter 25

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Okay, so I've noticed that this story has taken a really dark turn! I apologize for that but I've been doing some reasearch and started plugging it into the story a little more. And with the way I'm feeling, it feels theraputic to write out a little misery. It won't last long though, and there's a reason for this. I swear. But this chapter is strongly rated M for the content and if you're sensitve about certain dark subjects, I ask that you only read part of this chapter. I don't want to offend anyone but this is just part of my past that has leaked into my fiction. I chose the chapter song for a reason, and I hope the reasoning is clear in the last part of this chapter._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just playing in her sandbox._

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**CHAPTER SONG: MY DECEMBER - LINKIN PARK**

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**Chapter Twenty-Five:**

I was walking through the kitchen later that night, after we'd all come home from a lavish dinner to futher celebrate three Cullens graduating from high school, when Esme and Carlisle called me into the living room. I could tell, just by the looks on their faces as I slowly sat down on the couch that this was a conversation I wasn't exactly going to enjoy.

It'd surprised me that no one had said anything about the kiss Jasper planted on me right after the ceremony. Sure, Emmett wiggled his eyebrows at me a few times, Alice and Rosalie just smiled knowingly as we walked to the cars. But it wasn't really their reactions that I'd been so fearful of.

"What's up?" I asked, my voice a little shaky thanks to the unknown.

"I think we need to talk about your trip to California with Jasper." Carlisle spoke first with Esme nodding beside him. Almost as soon as he finished talking, Jasper walked into the room. His face showed exactly what I was feeling right then; aprehension and fear. But either of our parents looked mad or upset. They simply looked...wary, as if they were worried about our well-being more than anything else. They weren't trying to play the bad guys and inject their opinions into how we planned our free time.

Once Jasper was seated beside me, a small amount of distance between us; Esme leaned forward and laid her hands on our knees. "It's not that we object to this. Jasper, you're of legal age now to do what you wish, and Baylee, you're almost eighteen as well. Plus we are only your guardians, I don't want you to ever think that we're trying replace your parents and force you to do something you don't want to."

"I don't understand." I spoke slowly, my eyes flickering from Esme to Carlisle, then back again. "What is it that y'all are trying to say?"

Esme sighed and fell back into her chair as Carlisle recommanded the conversational reigns. Great, just what I'd been worried about!

"Baylee, you have severe injuries covering almost your entire upper body. And, as everyone's well aware, California is pretty sunny. The polar opposite of Forks."

This was about my _health_?! My heart was hammering violently in my chest and stuttered a couple of times as my mind worked to rejoin the conversation. They weren't worried about the kind of trouble that Jasper and I could possibly get into unsupervised. Well, if they were, then they weren't vocalizing it. Yet.

"And you think that Jasper can't take care of me." I surmised, wondering if I was anywhere _near_ the main point. I could tell by the look on Carlisle's face that I was and my heart sank down into my toes.

"I talked with Dr. Davenport and he wants to schedule you for another skin graft."

If my heart hadn't just dropped into my toes, it would have with Carlisle's next words. "Wait." I muttered and held my hands out in front of me with my head bent slightly. This was the first I was hearing of more surgery. And I'd been out of the hospital all this time. Weren't most grafts supposed to occur while I was still _in_ the hospital?! "Is this for my own recovery or to reduce possible scarring?"

Carlisle sighed and bowed his own head, sensing that I was going to kick up a fuss about this whole surgery thing. "It won't hinder your recovery, but it might raise your chances of less scarring, yes."

"Then no." I replied evenly, dropping my hands as I stared at the doctor evenly. "I don't want anymore surgeries, Carlisle. I'm sick of hospitals and I don't want to have to start all over from scratch. I'm finally regaining mobility and the dressings are a lot less than they were when I first moved in. If I have this surgery, then I'm going to have more recovery time. I might not be able to start my senior year with my peers and I've really been looking forward to sitting in an actual classroom with Bella, Alice, and Edward. I know that I'll never be able to do the things I once could and I've accepted that, but I finally have some things to look forward to. Please, I don't want anymore surgeries." I was near begging at the end of my tirade and didn't feel the moisture in my eyes until Jasper laid his hand on my leg. "I don't care if I have scars on my body for the rest of my life. As long as it's not going to disrupt my life or keep me from anything I might want to do later on, then I'm fine just the way I am."

"But Baylee." Esme sighed and looked dangerously close to tears. Again. How had we gone from the subject of my trip with Jasper to surgery?! I couldn't keep up and that was probably evident on my face. "Baylee, I know how self-conscious you are about your skin. Honey, this may help you feel better about yourself in the long run."

Sighing quietly, my eyes stayed on the floor as I tried to mentally catch up, make some sort of connection between the starting point of our talk and where we were now. The only thing I could come up with was the fact that this surgery would keep me from going to California with Jasper. They would want me admitted and prepped as soon as possible. "I don't care." I rushed out quietly then looked into Esme's tearfilled eyes. "I hear you, both of you. I promise I do and as much as I would love to have my skin the way it was, I'm not. I've accepted that and accepted that these scars are apart of me now. They're who I am just as much as my eye color or whatever my hair will look like when it grows back out. And besides, there are lots of people all over the world whose bodies look like mine. And they don't care. Well, they might." I muttered then shook my head quickly. "What I'm trying to say is that I don't want to do this. I want to go to California with Jasper for the summer and just _enjoy_ myself. It's been nothing but surgeries and bandages for so long that I can't remember how to act normal and just have fun."

"Are you sure that this is what you really want?" Carlisle asked and I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was accepting my decision. He didn't nessessarily like it, I hoped it was because he feared for my health, but I couldn't be sure. He was a father too, as well as a doctor.

"I'm sure." I nodded bravely and looked over at Jasper before I faced our parents again. "I'm done with surgeries, I just want to finish healing and regain as much of my life as I can."

"Then, okay." And just like that, the conversation was over. Esme nodded her agreement with her husband's statement but then she looked at me in concern.

"Jasper, do you realize what all you'll have to do for Baylee while you two are in California?"

"I do." I jumped slightly in surprise at the conviction in his voice. Up until just a second or two ago, I'd almost forgotten that he was sitting right beside me on the couch, still holding onto my knee. I wasn't entirely sure how I could have overlooked the light, tingling sensation that his skin on mine created, but I had. I was too engrossed in the thought of surgery and pleading my case to acknowledge it. I'd almost expected Carlisle and Esme to not care what I thought and schedule the surgery anyway. They were the adults, after all. And that was what I was used to.

The decisions had always been made for me, I'd never been given a voice until Dr. and Mrs. Cullen took over as my guardians. They cared about what I wanted and actually _listened_ to me when I voiced my opinion. That wasn't something I was entirely used to. But it made me love them that much more.

"I'll talk to Dr. Davenport and have a small list of all the things you'll have to do while in Santa Cruz." Carlisle offered and I noticed the flash of relief across Jasper's face. I was grateful for that too. This was the worst I'd ever been injured and I had no idea what to do with myself once the sun was introduced into the equation.

"Can I ask something?" Esme softly interjected, honestly not sure if she should bring this up with her husband and Jasper sitting in the room, but she was going for it. She was _that_ worried, or at least, she looked it.

"Sure." I shrugged my good shoulder and leaned my arms on my knees, smiling a little mentally when Jasper's arm disappeared long enough for me to get comfortable before his skin settled against mine once more.

"Is there any possibility of you two making your relationship...physical? I mean, I figured there was something between you and that was safely confirmed after graduation. But...."

Air stuck in my throat and I nearly choked at Esme's question. Okay, hadn't been expecting _that_. How did I answer her question without insulting Jasper? This was a tricky situation, one I'd never really been in before. Sure, there had been a couple of close calls, but I was too terrified of the act of sex that I never gave the whole thing much thought. "Umm," I muttered and peeked up at Jasper. He looked just as uncomfortable as I felt, which was reassuring in a weird way.

Squeezing my arm, he looked at our parents and shrugged slowly. "It's not something we're going to plan on. There's still a lot that Baylee and I have to work on before we even _think _about that. Plus we don't even know if she...can, without hurting herself."

My cheeks flushed and I instantly looked away. I so did not want to be having this conversation right now. I'd never really liked being talked about as if I weren't there and I knew he wasn't trying for that, but Jasper was succeeding.

"I can." I huffed and looked down at my lap. "I've done the research and my lower body was unaffected by the fire. But that's not the point!" I nearly shouted and looked up again. "I can't speak for Jasper but I have no immediate plans to lose my virginity. You're worrying over nothing, I promise."

The adults in front of me relaxed visibly but I felt a weird sort of tension emanating from Jasper. Glancing up at him, I just bit my lip then quietly excused myself before getting up to leave the room. I still had some packing to do and I had no idea when we were actually leaving! Not to mention, I was so exhausted that I could barely see straight. All I wanted was to lay down and just clear my head for a little while.

There was too much to think about. Too many things had changed and all over the course of one day. I needed time to think, to process and adjust to all the new changes.

Closing the door behind me, I just sighed and carefully fell onto my bed. I didn't care that I had my face pressed into my pillow and that I was still wearing makeup. I didn't care about the stupid dress I was still wearing or that my bandages had to be changed. I just wanted _sleep_. Everything else could wait.

Thinking that and actually accomplishing it were two totally different things. Easier said than done, as my mother would've said.

All over again, I began thinking about her. My mind ran rampant with memories and images of happier times in our lives. I could barely remember my real father and every time I thought about the past, I was reminded of the pain never knowing my dad had inflicted. The things I'd never thought would stay with me over time had and I was paying for it now. If I chose to get married, I wouldn't have my mother bawling in the front row, my father wouldn't walk me down the isle in my white wedding dress and kiss me on the alter before handing me off to the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I was never going to get to ask my mother for advice again. I would never hear her laugh or look at me with those knowing eyes when I was trying to lie to her. My entire past had been ripped away from me, my future crumbling to ash in the fire my stepfather had inadvertantly started.

All because he'd gotten pissed off and started throwing things. Anger tore at my insides and all I could do was lay there, letting hot tears soak into my pillow. My muscles coiled as if I was about to get up and unleash my anger on something, anything. But I was so drained mentally and physically that I was trapped against the mattress. I couldn't even kick my feet or flail my arms around as I'd done whenever I would cry into my pillow in Richardson.

Life wasn't fair, I got that. I understood that probably better than most people. But what was the big cosmic lesson out of all this? What did I stand to gain or learn by having my family ripped away from me? How much stronger would I be with the scars now riddling my body for the rest of my days? Did I even _have_ enough strength to keep going and face the world again?

A part of me screamed no, thrashing around in my subconscious the way I wanted to physically. I heard the screaming loud and clear though, as trapped in my own head as I was. I could hear each and every word, things I'd never let pass my lips before now threatened to bubble over and push me into action. I had plenty to live for, so why was this happening _now_?

Why was I now laying here, months after the most horrific night of my life, begging for death? Depression came with the package but all of it felt delayed. I should've felt like this right after the fire, not months on down the line when I was finally starting to get my life in order.

Again, that little voice in the back of my head gave me my answer. The internal screaming stopped, the mental struggle pushed to the wayside in favor of this new development.

What would I do when my world emploded again? I knew that the first time Jasper left hadn't been in his control, but what if the next time was? What if he saw how difficult I'd become and gave up again? He'd tried to do it once before already and we'd barely even scratched the surface of our issues. It was entirely possible that I was just too broken to rise from this, to keep my head up and put one foot in front of another. That I would never be good enough for someone like Jasper Hale to love unconditionally.

My eyes dried as I slowly climbed off my bed and walked out into the hallway. I could hear some faint movement in the front of the house, but didn't stop to investigate as I walked to the first floor bathroom. All of my nessessities were in there and the thing I wanted most seemed to be waiting patiently on me.

I'd never really given suicide much thought before, but now it felt like that was my only way out. Maybe this was the depression talking, maybe I had sunk too far down into the pit of remorse and misery that there wasn't any pulling me out this time. I felt like I was moving on autopilot as I closed the door behind me and crossed over to the large, wide tub that was only used by me.

My razor, a green Venus Embrace was gleaming against the white surface of the tub and I noticed my hand trembling as I reached out to pick it up. One flick of my fingers and I was staring at the shiny rows of blades, perfectly clean and unused. Somehow, I found my way to the toilet, closed the lid and sat down before I looked away from the razor in my hand. I just stared down at the inside of my wrist, feeling completely numb as I examined a previous scar.

I remembered that scar. I'd done this before. I blew out the breath I'd been unconsciously been holding and positioned my weapon of choice over the faint outline of my scar. I hadn't gone deep enough for any noticable scarring but that'd been the first time.

This one was going to be different. I'd make sure of that.

I'd just done a quick, hard slice across my skin when I heard the door bang open in front of me. I didn't look up to see who it was, or even flinch when the razor was suddenly knocked out of my hand. All I could see was the puckered skin and the slow stream of blood pooling into my palm. But I did start crying when the flow was cut off by the sudden appearance of a gray hand towel.


	26. Chapter 26

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ The aftermath. And revelations. Enjoy. Also, I wanted to thank the very awesome __**Chell88**__ for helping me find a song that's been driving me nuts for years. It's not the same one she has, but I thank her nonetheless for using it on her awesome story; __The Fragile__. Whoa, my first story recommendation. Go me!? Also, happy 4th to all my American readers, may your day be filled with nothing but delicious hot dogs, hamburgers, and endless supplies of sparklers and Pop-Its. Okay, enough from me, get to readin'!_

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just playing in her sandbox._

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**CHAPTER SONG: MAD WORLD - GARY JULES**

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**Chapter Twenty-Six:**

"Baylee?" I jerked at the sound of his voice. I hadn't known or cared who found me in the bathroom and stopped my attempt. I just knew that I wanted to be alone and now I was bombarded with the pain in his voice.

The misery slowly ebbed away enough for me to remember how to look up. Straight into Jasper's horrorstruck eyes. I winced and looked away, not wanting to see what my failed attempt was doing to him. I couldn't be sure if him simply catching me was putting that look on his face or if it was something more. But I followed willingly when he gently pulled me to my feet, keeping the hand towel tight around my wrist and led me back to my bedroom. The door clicked shut quietly and I sank down onto my bed when pressure was put on my shoulders.

Jasper knelt in front of me and removed the towel long enough to inspect the damage and a low hiss vibrated through his throat. I flinched again and glanced down at the long, clean cut in my skin. It was still bleeding but not as badly as it'd been when I first made the incision.

"Why did you do this?" He asked quietly, and I looked up when I realized there wasn't any anger in his voice.

I'd been expecting that. For him to be mad that he'd caught me trying to commit suicide. I'd been waiting for him to start screaming and call me stupid for letting my dispair get the best of me. But he didn't sound like that at all. That wasn't going to happen and my foggy brain reacted sluggishly to make sense of it.

"I wanted to." I replied numbly and stared into his eyes. My face was blank, void of any real emotion as he got up and retrieved some things from a different part of my room.

There was still some gauze from when I'd needed a lot of bandaging and some cream that would disinfect anything. He moistened my arm with that then cut off a strip of thick gauze and positioned it onto my arm before taping off the ends to keep it adhered to my skin.

"That's not a good enough reason, Baylee." He muttered once he was done and had replaced his supplies. I just shrugged as he sank back into a kneeling position in front of me.

"I don't expect you to understand my thought process." My voice grew a little stronger then as a flash of anger flooded me. I was the angry one now. Angry that he'd caught me, angry that he wasn't mad at me. Most of all, I was just angry and I couldn't fully understand why. None of this made sense to me.

He sighed and sank back slightly before he stood and sat next to me on the bed. "I understand better than you think."

That caught my full attention, making me forget about my own thoughts and feelings as I focused on him. The look he'd had in the bathroom was back as he idly messed with the bandage he'd just taped to my arm. "What're you talking about, Jasper?"

He laughed mirthlessly and shrugged slowly. "Exactly what it implies. Baylee, were you trying to kill yourself when I found you?"

"Duh." I blurted out, as if my answer should've been obvious. Why else did people escape to a bathroom with a sharp object aimed at their skin? What other motivation could I possibly have had in slicing my skin open? "I didn't do it to watch myself bleed."

He nodded and pulled his hand away from my arm. The silence between us felt a little thicker when he got up then turned to face me. He slowly removed his white dress shirt, leaving him in the plain white undershirt he always wore. I leaned back in surprise when he took that off too, leaving him in his black slacks and bare feet.

But it wasn't the discarded clothes that caught my attention, or surprised me so much that I scrambled to my feet. It was the splattering of scars across his chest that were now exposed to my eyes. There were a few concentrated areas of scar tissue around the bends of his elbows, and a neat line trailing up the underside of one bicep. The ones that surprised me the most, the most brutal of the faint lines were the ones criscrossing his ribcage on the left side.

What had Jasper _done_ to himself?!

"Jazz." I breathed and tentatively reached out to touch a group of scars on the right side of his chest, right above his flat nipple. He shivered under my touch and I glanced up to see that he wasn't looking at me. His eyes were on the wall behind me, angled up above my head as I inspected the rest of the scars riddling the top half of his body. "What did you _do_?"

He laughed again without any inflection and finally met my gaze. "I did exactly what you were doing in the bathroom. Repeated about a million times over. Only I went for areas of my body that are constantly covered. I told you, you're not the only one with scars, Baylee. Or the only one that's ever fought against a depression so deep that you feel like there's no escape. Haven't you ever wondered why I never walk around shirtless like Edward and Emmett sometimes do when the weather's nice?"

My breath caught in my throat and I sank back onto the bed, my eyes still on his ravaged skin. My mind was reeling with what he'd just said. He'd cut himself to watch his body bleed, not to kill himself as I'd been attempting. He bent down to retrieve his tee shirt and threw it on before joining me on the bed. "I...this is how you handled your parents' death, isn't it?"

"Part of it." He agreed and released my gaze to stare at my closed bedroom door. "A lot of it was because of how abandoned I felt. I'm the sole survivor of my family and that didn't sit well with me for a very long time."

"How long is 'long time'?" I asked quietly, afraid that if I asked too many questions, he would get mad and shut down on me.

But Jasper didn't do that. Instead he just sighed and rubbed his eyes with both hands before he tucked a leg beneath him to turn to me. "The last time I cut myself was about a month after you came to live with us."

"Don't tell me the depression just went away." I muttered dryly then winced at how stupid I probably sounded to him right then.

For the first time all night, a small smile touched his lips. But it didn't reach his eyes, which were filled with so much sadness and pain that I wanted to look away. I couldn't though and sat immobile beside him. "It didn't, but I found a better way of coping. Believe it or not, I found that through you."

"That...how?" I squeaked then sighed and closed my eyes. I was just batting a zero average right now with no hope of redemption. "How did you find a way of coping through me?"

"Because you were in a kind of pain that I'd never known. When I first saw you...Baylee, I can't explain it accurately. I wish that I could but I just...I realized that you were suffering so much more than I ever would and it helped put some things into perspective for me. So instead of focusing on myself and staying trapped in my head with my own failings and thoughts, I concentrated on you. It was a lot easier for me to break my habit when you told me of our past, when I felt like I'd finally gotten my best friend back."

I sat there for what felt like a long time, but was really only a couple of minutes. I didn't know how to process everything he was telling me. Just ten minutes before, I'd been wondering and worried that he would get sick of me and just leave. That I would somehow lose him too and be unable to cope. I knew that I couldn't deal with that. It would kill me to lose Jasper. And if I was being honest with myself, I wouldn't be able to handle losing any of the Cullen family.

"I wish I knew what to say." I whispered and lifted my head to look up at him again. I was glad to see some of the pain had dissolved from his eyes and he reached up to gently cup my cheek.

"There's nothing you need to say, sweetheart." He smiled sadly at me then gestured at my wrist with my other hand. "But I do want to ask again, why you did that."

"Because I couldn't deal." I admitted honestly. He was being truthful with me and had finally exposed his own scars. The least I could do was return the favor at least somewhat. And maybe it would be easier for me now, if he knew everything. I'd been planning on telling him once we were in Santa Cruz. But I suddenly needed him to know _now._ That way if he decided that he wanted to go alone after all, he wouldn't have to worry about sending me back to Forks alone. I could prepare myself for his departure and figure out how to deal with that on top of everything else. "I was remembering my mom and how she'll never be here again. I'll never get to ask for her advice or hear her laugh at one of my lame jokes. She was taken from me over something so _stupid_ and then I got angry. Angry at her, angry at Brandon, and angry at myself."

"Why'd you get angry at yourself, Bay?" His hand was still on my cheek with only his thumb now gliding over my cheekbone.

I sighed and relaxed into his touch, but opened my eyes in surprise when he moved away from me. Holding up a finger, we fell silent long enough for him to reposition our bodies. I instantly relaxed as I lay against his side, my head nestled in the crook of his arm. His arm bent back so that he could run his fingers over my slowly-growing hair and I smiled in relaxation before I remembered what we'd just been talking about.

"I survived." I finally answered and opened my eyes to see his reaction.

He still didn't get mad, he just nodded and looked up at the ceiling as his fingers continued to glide over my scalp. "Will you tell me about it? The fire, I mean."

I sighed and shut my eyes tightly at the onslight of memories. It was finally time to give him what he wanted, something he'd asked for a while ago. So I just kept my eyes clenched shut and let the words spill past my lips. "I came home later than I was supposed to that night and walked in on Brandon yelling at my mom. She'd done something he didn't like and he was really letting her have it. Her cheek was already bruised, her eye swelling up. He had her pinned against the wall with his hand around her throat. I was sure he was going to kill her. So I dropped my books and ran over to pull him off her. I guess he didn't hear me come in and I took him by surprise. But he just shoved me away and continued to slap my mom upside her head. The last blow was hard enough for her to fall over and she banged her head on the table we kept in the hallway, right beside the kitchen entrance. When she fell, I noticed that something was burning. He'd caught her in the middle of cooking dinner and it was ruined."

I heard the small catch in Jasper's breathing but ignored it so I could finish my story. I had to keep going or I would lose my nerve. "She had some candles lit around the living room, to make the room smell nice. You remember how she was." He chuckled at my small interruption then fell silent so I could continue. "He turned his sights onto me, saying that I was worthless and didn't deserve his generocity. He was sure that, if my father had lived, he wouldn't want anything to do with me anyway. I was a useless daughter that would never grow into the kind of woman any man would want. He called me a prude then grabbed my hair and yanked me onto the couch. The insults just kept coming from there, some aimed at me and some aimed at my mother. She'd regained consciousness and was sobbing on the floor where she'd fallen. He stopped tormenting me long enough to beat on her some more."

"Is that why you flinched the night of the party?" Jasper asked softly, only curiosity filling his voice. I knew exactly what he was talking about and nodded slowly.

"That's part of it. I'll tell you the main reason later. But...when he targeted Mom again, she started to fight back. He grabbed a candle off the coffee table and threw it across the room. He wasn't paying attention and hit the curtains my mom had hanging on the big window of the living room. She shoved him then and he fell onto a table that was nothing but candles. They crashed to the floor and the carpet just burst into flames then. I was still conscious, but barely, as the flames from the curtains met the ones from the floor. Mom had fallen when she shoved Brandon and didn't brace herself properly. Her head bounced off the coffee table and she never regained consciousness. Neither did Brandon. I scrambled off the couch, onto my belly and got as far as my mother before I started choking. It felt like my lungs were on fire, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think. That's when the flames caught my clothes and started burning my body. The last thing I remember is hearing sirens down the street before I blacked out from the pain."

"Bay." I shivered involuntarily at Jasper's impassioned response. I shut my eyes again and just curled into him more when he gently crushed my body against his, his lips brushing against the top of my head.

It felt good to finally admit what had happened, for Jasper to know the reason why I was so badly burned. It was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and dissolved almost instantly into the air. I didn't feel whole, or completely better by any means. But he knew now and he wasn't running for the hills.

That gave me just enough hope to plan on packing for Santa Cruz in the morning.

"Jazz?" I asked softly, my voice thickening with sleep as I shifted minutely against him.

"Hmm?" He muttered, sounding just as tired as I felt.

"Are you going to tell Carlisle and Esme what I tried to do tonight?"

He heard the fear in my voice and sighed as he lightly rubbed my burned shoulder. I realized dimly that I was still in my stupid dress, but way too tired and comfortable to change. "No." He finally replied, sounding even more exhausted than just seconds before. "But only if you promise to never try and do it again. If you feel the need for that, come and talk to me. I don't care if I'm away at school when it happens, I'm always going to be just a phone call, or a room away. I'm not leaving you behind again."

And just like that, another and smaller weight floated away. He was soothing my unspoken fears without knowing they existed. I smiled in response then yawned mutely.

He chuckled at that and kissed the crown of my head again. "Get some sleep, sweetheart. We have to get you packed and ready to leave in the morning."

"Only after you promise to come talk to me if you ever feel like cutting yourself." I muttered sleepily, so dangerously close to the edge of falling into unconsciousness.

His voice was softer than before and he kissed my forehead this time before relaxing against the mattress. "I will, I promise."


	27. Chapter 27

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Holy crap! I never expected this story to be as long as it is, and I'm nowhere __**near**__ stopping. Anyway, I hope you guys are enjoying what's happening so far. Things are getting heated now!_

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just playing in her sandbox._

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**CHAPTER SONG: GOTTA BE SOMEBODY'S BLUES - JIMMY EAT WORLD**

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**Chapter Twenty-Seven:**

When I woke up the next morning, the first thing I remembered was the night before. Every single horrific and depressing detail. Until the very end.

With a start, I wrenched my eyes open and found myself staring at Jasper. His eyes were still closed, a light snore tickling the back of his throat with his face painfully peaceful. His lips were parted slightly, and rounded, allowing each breath he took to wash across my face. Somewhere in the middle of the night, he'd shifted onto his side to face me, his arms still wrapped around my body loosely.

Lifting my head, I thought about trying to get up. We were apparently leaving for Santa Cruz today and I hadn't even _thought_ about packing. But when I noticed something in the corner, I carefully sat up to get a better look at it. Huh. It was my duffel bag, the sides bulging to indicate how fully packed it was.

Looking around, I saw that my closet doors were neatly tucked together and my bedroom door was still shut tightly. Whoever had come in to pack for me had been damn quiet. Either that or Jasper and I'd been so exhausted that a bomb could've gone off right beside the bed with neither of us the wiser.

I remembered that he was still sound asleep beside me and carefully laid back down, this time on my stomach to watch him sleep. His eyebrows had furrowed slightly, probably when I sat up to look at my duffel, but relaxed the second I was comfortable and laying down again. A low sigh filled his throat and he shifted beside me, pulling one leg up closer to me while his arm slid from my back to rest right across my ass. I sat up enough to make sure I wasn't imagining the pressure and sure enough, there his arm was!

My dress had also ridden up through the course of the night. He'd only have to move his arm maybe half an inch to find bare skin. Skin that just so happened to be the downward curve of my ass. Great.

Hiding my face in my pillow, I sighed and shifted back onto my side; facing Jasper as I reached down to discreetly tug on the hem of my dress.

"Stop moving." Jasper muttered sleepily, not bothering to open his eyes to look at me. I snickered in spite of myself and intentionally wiggled again. He growled playfully at me, sounding so insanely adorable that I just wanted to aww, then felt my jaw slacken when his hand moved from my hip to the outside of my thigh. Bare skin on bare skin.

"No." I muttered, so grateful that my voice was still on my side and squirmed again.

This time, a small smile touched Jasper's lips as he scooted closer to me with his eyes still closed. I would've started laughing loudly if it hadn't been for the fact that his hand was now gripping the back of my thigh. "Don't make me lay on you just to keep you still so I can go back to sleep."

I grunted in response and rolled my eyes, grateful that he still wasn't looking at me to see that. Thanks to how close we were, I had to fight the overwhelming urge to be as mean as possible. Different possibilities were swirling around my all-too-awake head, from flicking his nose to see if he'd finally open his eyes, to actually laying _on him_ instead of the other way around. Or the one that was filling my mind more than the others, scoot all the way up to him and just start wiggling like crazy.

The last option won out and a low groan soon filtered into the air between us when my lower body swayed against his. That simple sound sent chills rippling up and down my spine. If things like this kept up, how in the hell was I _possibly_ going to keep resisting him? We were supposed to be taking things slow, after all.

From where I was laying, this _definitely_ wasn't taking things slow. But yet I didn't pull away. Nor did I really squeak in surprise when he shifted and his body suddenly forced mine back onto the mattress. There was a small sear of pain from the small of my back, but easy to ignore as Jasper's knee slid between mine.

"Much better." He mumbled, only pretending to sound sleepy now as he gently rested his cheek on my chest. I pretended to huff but found myself playing with his honey curls anyway. I was probably supposed to be trying to push him off me, but I didn't really wanted to.

Truth be told, I really liked seeing this side of Jasper. I could still clearly remember the shy little boy from our past that had turned into the stoic young man he was known to be now. He never really let his guard down, I realized with a start, but when he did, I loved being around to see it. He could just be so carefree and fun.

The repressed tension that had hovered over us, or rather me, just seconds before shifted away as I relaxed beneath Jasper. His movements were as careful as they were tender, lightly gliding over the exposed skin of my arm. I shivered a little and scowled goodnaturedly when a light chuckle vibrated his upper body.

"Sorry." He muttered and tilted his head slightly to kiss the bare skin above the low collar of my dress, dangerously close to the swell of my breasts. Instantly, my mind went back to the last time we'd been in any sort of intimate setting. When lines had been crossed and I ran from him in fear. I'd been so ready to give into him that night, to have him take the last, large piece of my innocence. But the thing that had stopped me were my fears from the past. I knew that Jasper wouldn't hurt me. My conviction of his character and compassion strongly held me to that thought. But still.

Sex had always been a very big deal to me and I'd been laughed at constantly by my friends in Richardson when they learned that I was still a virgin and pretty damn proud of it. Everyone was having sex, they stated. As if that would change my mind! I didn't care about any of the boys at Berkner, but for some unforseen reason they always made passes at me. All so they could finally break through and get into the emotionally closed off virgin's pants. To the boys I'd gone to high school with, I was nothing more than a simple conquest, someone that would be gossiped about and laughed at in dark corners for the rest of my high school career. And if I was being honest with myself, up until now...I'd never even _wanted_ to have sex.

Knowing that Jasper was now fully awake, I sighed and tilted my head to lean lean my cheek against his curly hair. My thoughts were still twisting into complicated patterns but I didn't care. I couldn't keep up or even try to make sense of what was going through my own head and body. So I didn't. Instead, I focused on the feather-light touches still skimming up and down my arm, and Jasper's soft breathing.

"Are you okay?" He asked softly and leaned up on one elbow to get a better look at me.

I smiled softly and nodded, reaching up with one hand to lightly push his hair back from his forehead. I'd had such a crush on this boy when we were kids. I'd wanted nothing more back then than to be his girlfriend and have the dorky little ritual that most kids in my kindergarten class had underneath the large slide on the playground. But it never happened and before puberty could claim us and turn us into teenagers, he'd left. His life crumbled around him and shaped him into the young man now laying over me with a worried look on his face.

"I'm just thinking about when we were kids."

He laughed lightly and nodded, his fingers now skimming over my left side carefully as he continued to stare into my eyes. "I was so lucky to have you back then. I could tell you anything without having to worry about you laughing at me."

"That's just because you refused to embrace your inner dork." I teased and snickered in spite of myself as I lightly guided my fingernails along the skin on the back of his neck. He shivered because of that and I immediately laid my arm back on the bed, curling it around my head carefully. All to keep the temptation at bay.

"I still say you were dorky enough for the both of us." He shot back, the corners of his lips moving a little higher into the beginning curves of a smile. "Especially with those bright pink glasses your mom picked out for you in third grade."

I groaned in spite of myself and lightly slapped his shoulder. "You're not allowed to ever say that again! God, I_ hated _those glasses."

We lay there in combined laughter for a few minutes, then the sound slowly faded from Jasper's voice as he looked somberly at me again. "I'm sorry I didn't keep in touch with you, Baylee. I really wanted to, I did."

"I know." I nodded and reached up to lightly place my fingers against his lips in hopes of halting his words. "There's no need to explain it all to me, Jasper. I understand what you went through and how you dealt with everything. How can I make you feel bad for coping the way you did when you haven't mentioned how I've been dealing?"

"I still hurt you." He mumbled around my fingers. Staring up at him like I was, it broke my heart to see the expression on his face. I hated that his eyes were filled and nearly overflowing with the extent of his sadness. All aimed at how he'd forgotten about me while dealing with his parents' deaths.

"Don't." I sighed and winced, hating that the simple word had come out sharper than I'd wanted. I sat up carefully and ignored the small pang in my chest when he fell back against the mattress to let me get up. I sighed and ran a hand over my hair once I regained my footing and walked over to the overstuffed duffel. "We need to get ready to go if we're leaving today."

I didn't have to look over my shoulder to see Jasper frowning at me as I zipped open my bag to inspect it's contents. I knew Alice's flair for fashion and didn't really trust her to stay within the boundaries I'd need when it came to clothes. I winced again and closed the bag when I saw nothing but two neatly folded stacks of unfamiliar clothing.

The rustling behind me clued me in to his movements so when he appeared behind me and gently turned me back to face him, I wasn't scared witless. "Stop." He whispered fiercely and gripped my arms carefully, effectively pinning them against my sides so I couldn't move without hurting myself.

"Stop what?" I muttered helplessly and felt my shoulders sag as I looked up at him plainly. As much as I wanted to curse him and vocally admit that he didn't play fair a good majority of the time, I couldn't. The expression on his face was just too serious for me to really concentrate on anything else.

"Pulling away." He sighed and his grip on me loosened. "You won't even let me apologize to you without all these internal walls being slammed in my face. That's not fair, Baylee."

"It's not about fair." I retorted hotly, my voice raising slightly in pitch as I carefully mauevered out from in front of him. My fingers idly messed with the bandage on my wrist as I slowly turned around to face him as he walked back over to the bed and dropped down tiredly. "I don't like thinking about that time in our lives, Jasper. I hate remembering all the pain and loneliness that we both experienced because our lives took different paths. And I don't want you to think that you have to apologize to me over something that was beyond your control. You blocked those memories for a reason, I don't want to be the cause of your mental dams suddenly breaking!"

"Haven't you noticed?" Jasper looked immensely angry as he vaulted off the bed and rounded on me. I gasped and my eyes widened in a weird sense of fear as he gripped my arms tightly. The skin on the back of my left shoulder flared angrily but I knew that trying to yank away from him would just end up hurting me worse. "The dam's already broken, Baylee. I remember _every single thing_ that's been lost to me for so long. I remember how it felt to leave you behind in Richardson, trying so hard not to cry. I remember how upset my mom was to leave you with your parents, knowing how badly Brandon was hurting you and there wasn't a _damn thing_ we could do about it! I remember it killing my dad and that he'd come home every night feeling like he wasn't doing what your father wanted him to. I remember my mother getting that phone call, saying that something had happened to my dad and he wasn't coming home. And the thing I remember the most, the one I fought so hard to repress is finding her _body_ in the bathtub while her blood mixed with the bathwater she'd run."

Several chills shot down my spine, causing the pain already in my body to become almost mind-numblingly painful. His grip on my shoulders hadn't loosened at all and I couldn't tell when that would change. The emotion in Jasper's eyes were almost feral as he glared down at me, his beautiful lips nearly disappearing into a straight line from all the stress.

"Jazz...." I started, not caring that my voice was barely above a whisper and oozing the agony I felt. "You're...hurting me."

I wasn't sure if it was the pain in my voice or the way my knees were starting to buckle that pulled him from whatever mental darkness he was experiencing. Sanity quickly snapped back into his eyes, but he looked down as soon as he released me. "Get your stuff together. You're right, we should be leaving soon."

Staying silent, I just nodded then looked down at my bag as Jasper strode from the room. I knew that he wasn't as calm as he'd been when we woke up. I could feel the tension floating off his body in waves as he stepped away from me. Plus a give-away came in the form of him slamming my door behind him as he left. As soon as I heard that sound, my eyes clenched shut, a pained whimper escaped my lips and my knees buckled.

This was _so_ not how I wanted our vacation to start!


	28. Chapter 28

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ The next chapter! This one was pretty difficult for me to write, because I put some of my own personal experiences into the mix. I see writing as a theraputic experience and sometimes it helps for me to put a different spin on the things I've overcome, or am still trying to. Anyway, here you guys go! Thanks for continuing to read and review._

_Stephenie Meyer owns it all, I only own Baylee._

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**CHAPTER SONG: LIKE BLOOD LIKE HONEY - HOLLY BROOK**

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**Chapter Twenty-Eight:**

We'd been in Santa Cruz for almost a month and things hadn't changed one bit. The tension from the morning we left Forks had somehow followed us down to our summer getaway.

If I'd known things would turn out this way, I was pretty sure I would've just watched Jasper leave without trying to stop him. Anything was better than watching him move stoically around the spacious beach house that had come fully stocked with everything we could've ever wanted and more.

The house itself was three bedrooms with two spacious bathrooms ajoining the master bedroom, which Jasper had claimed; and the larger guest bedroom, _my_ room. It just so happened that these two rooms were on the opposite ends of the house. The entire house was colored similar to the house in Forks, pastels and light beiges throwing the rooms into perfect harmony. The living room was backed with a series of sliding glass doors that led out to a wide balcony that housed a white wicker table and matching, cushioned chairs. From the deck, there was a small sliver of grass that casually gave way to the sandy beach that lined the back of the property.

Even though I was only able to enjoy the view at night, it was still a calming place to spend my first real vacation. This house felt just as much like home as Washington did. I just wished my traveling companion was in better spirits.

I'd tried to talk to him through the first three or so weeks that we'd been in Santa Cruz, but just met a brick wall every single time. Jasper was in no mood to talk and there wasn't a single thing I could do about that. No matter if I got angry, no matter if I cried and begged him to just talk to me. Nothing worked so I resigned myself to having my own fun. There were a ton of shops in the surrounding area and I was able to add a few things to my wardrobe that would coincide with my new body better than what Alice had packed for me. Sure, I got some weird looks when I'd step out in jean shorts and a heavy, hooded sweatshirt. But my skin was safe and that was all that mattered to me.

The only times I saw Jasper were when he had to help change my bandages. But soon I wouldn't even need to do that. It just sucked that I couldn't put on a bathing suit and go enjoy the water activities available to me. Even though he was majorly pissed, I was grateful that he didn't seem to throw that in my face.

Of course, he could come and go as he pleased. If he wanted to go surfing, he was able. He'd learned how to surf during his first summer in Santa Cruz after joining the Cullen family and left his surfboard at the beach house as a result. There wasn't any need for it in Forks unless he was going to surf a massive snow wave!

Sighing quietly, I kept my chin tucked into the collar of my hoodie as I sat out on the deck. I was dressed simply in a pair of black track shorts with white stripes, a white undershirt underneath my black Linkin Park hoodie. It was my favorite and had actually been a surprise from Edward. I wasn't sure how he'd figured out my obsession with the band or the fact that I loved the album cover on their first CD. But when he presented the hoodie to me, which simply just had the band's name logo on the front and a large soldier with delicate wings taking up the entire back, I'd wanted to cry and hug him. It was almost as if someone had told him I lost this same sweater in the fire.

"I figured you'd be out here." Jasper spoke quietly as he stepped out onto the deck. I jumped in surprise but when I noticed the look on his face, I just rolled my eyes and resumed looking at the waves crashing gently against the shore. I didn't have the energy to fight with him and the expression he wore just screamed that was the only thing on his mind.

To fight. With me. So much for making progress! No wonder I wasn't ready to sleep with him yet.

I just shrugged and pulled my legs a little tighter toward my chest, being mindful of my stomach as I shoved my hands further into the single pocket stretching across the front. "I figured you'd still be avoiding me."

"I'm not avoiding you." He sighed and fell into the chair to my right. I glanced over at him to see the familiar slouch his body always took when he was exasperated or tired and just wanted to sit down. It was something I knew well from our childhood.

"Funny." I mused and looked over at him with an overly cheerful smile stretching my lips crudely. "I didn't know there was another word for what you were doing."

I noticed his eyes roll in their sockets and wanted to jump up and just slap him silly. Maybe that would knock some sense into him! That would quite possibly be the only way I could get our friendship back on equal footing. I just wanted the silent treatment to be over and done with, especially considering I still had no idea what had even _started_ it. All of this couldn't possibly be because I'd been so unwilling to revisit old wounds.

Apparently it was though.

Sighing when the silence lingered a little longer than it probably should have, I just shook my head and climbed to my feet. It was sunny, I wanted to be outside and not cooped up inside so I started for the steep staircase that led out to the sandy beach.

"Where're you going?" Jasper asked, shocked as he lurched to his feet.

I just shrugged and slowly turned around to face him, one foot poised to step down in the first stair. "I'm going for a walk. It's obvious that you don't want me around so it shouldn't bug you that I feel like being outside for a little while." I shrugged again then started down the stairs. "This way you can pout in privacy, I won't be around to disturb you."

A truly disgusted sound emanated from him but I didn't care or look back as I started through the grass. I smiled almost happily when my bare feet met the sand. It was a little hot thanks to the mid-day sun, but I didn't care. This was the first time I'd ever seen the West coast, the second time I'd been to the beach; I wasn't about to waste my trip because Jasper's stick-up-ass syndrome had come back with a raging vengence.

I reached the shoreline in no time at all, smiling a little more as I squidged my toes up in the wet sand. It was cooler down by the water and I was relieved that my feet didn't feel like they were burning anymore. But the euphoria was shortlived. I couldn't help but remember the last time I'd been at the beach. And who I'd been with during that little holiday of sorts.

My grandmother had relocated to Florida when she divorced my grandpa. I'd been about four at the time, so it didn't really bother me. Hell thanks to the distant relationship my grandpa had with my mom, I didn't even know about him until I was thirteen and my grandma had already been remarried and divorced again for two years. He was a much better fit for her than my grandfather, and I'd let everyone know it. I didn't think anyone really knew why they decided to get divorced. They'd been close friends up until he mysteriously disappeared around my fifteenth birthday.

When I turned ten, her health had begun to fade. She was developing heart problems and my mom somehow convinced Brandon to let us go see her for a couple weeks during the summer I turned sixteen. He'd agreed but with one condition. Of course. He had to come with us and we had to do things on his time schedule, no one else's. I laughed aloud as I remembered my grandmother finding that out. Her only daughter, whom she wanted a closer bond with, couldn't come visit for an hour without clearing it with her husband. That had made my grandma practically roll with laughter. But she'd taken that in stride, claiming that my mom had known what she was getting herself into by marrying the jerk. But when he tried to control _my_ time with my grandma, she became livid.

They'd even had it out in her living room. She had a small trailer that was quaint, perfect, and completely simplistic, like my grandma. Well, beneath the makeup, manicured nails, and perfect hair anyway. Brandon had come by early to get me, stating that I needed to spend time with my family before it got too late in the day. She went into a raging fit then and declared, not so nicely, that I'd been her granddaughter before Brandon came into the picture, and I would be her grandma long after Brandon was dumped on the curb with the rest of the garbage.

I'd just wished she'd been right about that.

Anyway, the last day of my trip, I'd gotten to spend the entire day with my mom and grandma. That was something that hadn't happened once in the course of our two-week stay in Florida. By then, I'd even been staying with my grandma because she didn't want me around Brandon. He knew my grandma, Jocelyn, didn't like him and the feeling was mutual. It was in her presence that I was actually able to talk about my birth father and learn things that I wouldn't have known otherwise. Things that my own _mom_ didn't even know. They'd been extremely close before he died and he'd been my mom's high school sweetheart. She was convinced, as the three of us walked along the beach of Key Largo and talked, that my mom and dad would have gone the distance if he hadn't died. It made my mom sad in a way, but I think she was extremely relieved to not have to act for Brandon anymore. That was the first time she ever voiced her thoughts of leaving him.

My grandma knew better and could tell that Mom had no intention of following through once we got back to Richardson and away from her "awful" influence. So she propositioned my mom. I could come stay with her and finish my schooling out at Coral Shores High School. We'd even gone and looked at the school before that, just me and grandma. She'd brought it up with me before broaching the subject with my mom. After all, as she'd stated, it was my decision and no one else's. She was simply asking for permission.

I almost got to take her up on the offer, until Brandon came in and ruined the whole thing during our last dinner together. He didn't want anyone but himself and his wife to take care of his daughter, and that some sick, demented old bat had no right raising a child. Grandma called him a punk bastard, threw her glass of wine on him and rose from the table with all the grace and elegance that she had. Which was a lot. She then declared that he wasn't my father, and she wanted nothing more to do with him. She never wanted to see him again, and if my mom was going to choose to stay with him, then that included her too. I was the only one not equated into that. I was free to come back whenever.

I just wished I'd gotten the chance to take her up on that. Right before Christmas of that same year, my grandma had suffered a massive heart attack and died. Alone.

I'd become so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice when tears began to stream down my cheeks. I was even sitting in the sand, taking up the exact same position I'd been in up on the back deck. I didn't bother to wipe away the tears as I watched the waves swell then break in around my toes. I was far enough up that I didn't have to worry about getting wet, but right then, I didn't care. I was too busy remembering my grandma and the day I found out she'd died. That was the first and last time I'd cried for her. She had never wanted tears, she always said that her life would've meant nothing if she left me to cry over her not being around anymore. One big, good cry was okay; she expected that. But that was as far as she wanted the grieving process to go.

Sighing, I clenched my eyes shut and carefully pulled up the hood to my sweatshirt before resting my forehead on my raised knees. The last thing I needed to do was become so entrenched in grief that I risked sunburning my neck. That'd go over _so_ well.

I could feel the sobs building in my shoulders, my throat constricting as I tried to cut it all off at the pass. My grandma had predicted her daughter's death. She'd known, from the moment she met Brandon Carter, that he would end up killing her. And she'd been right. My glamourous, bank managing grandmother in all her Southern glory had hit the nail on the head.

I didn't bother to fight against my grief as my shoulders began to shake and tears flowed more freely from my eyes, soaking my knees then trickling down my raised thighs and calves. I felt an arm around me and sagged instantly into the waiting embrace. I didn't have to look up to know who it was. Not only because of the beach property in front of the house was privately owned by the Cullens, but because Jasper's aftershave mixed delicately with the salty spray coming in off the ocean.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, making me cry harder at the sound of the pain in his voice. I had no idea what was going through his head, but could only imagine the dark images swirling around. Images that I didn't want him to have. I didn't want him to have the history he did. Even if it meant that we would've never found our ways back to each other. I wanted him to have his parents alive and well, taking care of him and beaming proudly as he accomplished everything he set out to. They were supposed to be here for this phase of his life, to help him pick out a college and support him in his pursuit of studying music and art. Not to say that Carlisle and Esme weren't doing a beautiful job of it, but the ideal had always been Peter and Charlotte Whitlock cheering their son on from the sidelines.

It was a slow process, but I eventually managed to get a hold of myself and nodded as I swiped the sleeve of my hoodie across my eyes. I didn't care that I had my contacts in and they would start hurting soon. I could feel my flushed cheeks from the severity of my sobbing, and didn't care about that either. I did smile sadly when Jasper rested his chin on my shoulder, his arm still carefully drapped against my shoulders.

"Why're you apologizing?" I asked quietly, my voice still rough and gravelly.

"For upsetting you." He sighed and flickered his gaze out at the picturesque scenery before us. "This was supposed to be a fun summer where we were able to escape everything and just be normal. We're not even a month in yet and I'm already finding you on the beach trying not to cry."

"I wasn't crying because of that." And I was being honest. My voice didn't sound rough or bitter, just a weird sense of calm that had washed over me when I felt his chin meet my shoulder. "I was remembering my first trip to the beach."

He blinked and sat up a little straighter then turned and carefully molded into me. His left leg crooked behind my back and I lifted my feet enough to throw them over his right leg as he stretched it out in front of me. His arms formed loose manacles around my waist and once again, his chin found my shoulder. "Do you wanna tell me about it?"

I smiled a sad, watery smile at him then blew out a low breath as my eyes swept over the oceanic spread. "After you left, we learned that my grandma was having heart problems. She stopped working and got put on disability. But they couldn't do anything for her since she refused to give up her cigarettes." I muttered and laughed in spite of myself at the memory of her abnormally long Virginia Slims. Cigarettes that'd been a pain in the ass for her to find whenever she visited us in Texas. "I don't know if you remember her though."

A small smile touched his perfect lips and I caught a glimpse of ultra white teeth as he nodded. "I could never forget Jocelyn. I remember her saying that I was allowed to call her Grandma and nothing else, because you and I were so close." He snickered then and fell silent for a few heartbeats before his own smile turned gut-wrenchingly sad. "She was the first person to predict us ending up married with kids."

I laughed at that and nodded as I rested my arms carefully on his. "She always did say the best friends made the best lovers. That's why she had such confidence in my mom and dad's marriage. Even though they were young, Grandma just knew they would last. She told me it broke her heart when she learned that he'd died." The tension sparked at the mention of death and I plowed right over it in an attempt to steer the conversation back on topic. "Anyway, Brandon agreed to let us go visit her the summer before I turned sixteen. Two weeks in Key Largo, Florida. It was so much fun." I smiled and recounted the things I'd been thinking when I sat down and started tearing up.

Jasper looked surprised throughout my entire story, especially when I mentioned the big blow-out between Grandma and Brandon. He laughed lightly when I was done and nodded solemnly. "That sounds about like her. She didn't care who overheard her talking crap about that man. Made me love her even more." He beamed at me for a second then began to lightly rub my bare left thigh. "When did she pass, B?"

I exhaled a shaky breath and laid my arms over my knees. "She didn't even make it to Christmas that year. She had a bad heart attack and wasn't found in time, because she was alone. It took me a really long time to let go of the 'what if's I had about her death. What if I'd been there? Could I have called 911 in time for her to be saved? Some days I like to think I could have, that she'd still be kickin' if I'd been allowed to live with her. I just _hate_ that she died alone, she didn't outlast Brandon like she wanted to."

"I bet he didn't let your mom forget that." He mused with a bitter twist of his lips. I snickered, unable to push the sound back and nodded slowly.

"He sure didn't. He boasted for a good month that he'd outlived her, that she had probably been senile when we went to visit. Even though the woman was barely in her sixties." I paused to roll my eyes then bit down on my bottom lip. "That was the first time he made me need stitches."

Jasper tensed against me and a low hiss passed his lips as his eyes narrowed. "Why did he do that?"

I tried to look and sound casual as I turned my head carefully to look at him, grateful that my hood was still protectively nestled atop my head. "I threw one of my text books at him. Broke his nose and Mom's favorite lamp."

I watched in silent amusement as his eyes widened to the likeness of quarters before he dissolved into loud laughter. His entire body shook and his eyes clenched shut as he threw his head back and laughed at my revenge on Grandma's behalf. I squeaked mutely in surprise and widened my own eyes when he started laughing so hard that he pitched back into the sand.

"It's not that funny!" I laughed out breathlessly and shook my head slowly, only pretending to look disgruntled. I would never pass up on a chance for him to laugh at me, not if I got to hear that beautiful sound emit from his lips.

"Oh man." He sighed and stared up at the cloudless sky before he carefully pulled me down beside him. I curled up easily on my right side, still pretending to be miffed at him but froze instinctively when he snickered again then said the last thing on Earth I expected to hear.

"I love you, Bay."


	29. Chapter 29

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Okay, so this was how I was originally going to have Baylee reveal her scars to Jasper, but well. Things never go according to my plans! But I wanted to include it anyway because the idea was just way too cute in my head. Anyway, enjoy!_

_Stephenie Meyer owns it all, I just own Baylee._

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**CHAPTER SONG: DEAR DIARY - PINK**

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**Chapter Twenty-Nine:**

"What're you writing away so furiously about?" Even though I'd heard him coming and expected some kind of question, I still jumped in surprise when Jasper suddenly knelt in front of my chair.

Once again, I was out on the back deck and writing random thoughts in a spiral notebook I'd begun to keep. I wasn't sure what had prompted me to start the theraputic exercise but it'd started during the month of silence. That was how I referred to June now. The month of silence.

"Just random thoughts." I admitted and smiled as he straightened up, pretending to peek at my notebook as he moved then settled into the chair beside me. He sighed and stretched his legs out, smiling as the sun warmed the bare skin of his calves. "You look so relaxed right now." I laughed out with a slow shake of my head. "What, you find some chick in town and get laid?"

I laughed aloud when he jumped and nearly avoided sliding out of his chair as he turned to gape at me openly. "That...wasn't funny." He grumbled and threw me a dark look before it relaxed into the serene expression he'd been wearing a minute before. "And no, I haven't gone into town today. I've been busy painting."

"Painting?" I blinked in surprise and sat up a little straighter. My notebook was forgotten about instantly and I smiled at the memories of a tiny Jasper fingerpainting with me in his family's living room. It'd been his favorite way to express himself when we were kids and it had been a lot of fun. Until we decided to forgo the paper and paint on each other. I wasn't entirely convinced that his mom had been all that upset as she cleaned us off before sending me home. Charlotte hadn't been able to keep a straight face from the moment she found us, grinning brightly and covered in paint. We'd been some talented little artists though. There wasn't a single drop of paint on the floor or furniture. Just on us.

"Yes painting." He smiled and instantly stole my breath as he slowly climbed back to his feet. "Want to see what I'm working on, or are you wanting to finish that up?" He asked, raising an eyebrow slightly as he gestured at the spiral in my lap.

Glancing down at it, I just shrugged and flipped it shut before capping my pen. "It can wait. I wanna see!" He laughed at my obvious enthusiasm and led me inside. We were quiet as we walked into the vacant bedroom Esme had let him convert into his little studio for the summer. Empty canvases were everywhere, all stacked neatly against the walls with a set of shelves above them holding paints varying in all different colors. She'd stocked the room special for her son and he was definitely making good use of it. Two paintings sat nestled against the wall on the other side of the room, almost taunting the empty canvases in a way. Either that or I was too giddy with the idea of Jasper painting again that I wasn't thinking coherently.

"Wow." I breathed and stepped up to the painting that sat on a vintage wooden easel. There was a stool right in front of the painting, a discarded tray of paints and two different brushes atop the smooth, flat surface of the stool. He'd come right outside from his room to see what I'd been up to.

I was immediately suspicious as I slowly turned around to face him. Jasper was planning something and when I saw his face, I knew I was right. He'd had a reason for bringing up his passion. And it included me. Especially when I noticed that the oceanic scene from our deck was unfinished.

"Just go ahead and ask." I sighed and waved at him impatiently.

Of course, my best friend feigned innocence, even slapping his hand over his chest as he circled around me then set his tray aside and plopped back down on the stool. "I'm insulted and a little sad to hear such accusations. Why do you always think I'm up to something when I mention painting?"

"Because you haven't done it since you were eight!" I blurted out then winced and cracked one eye open at him. "Well, the last time _I_ saw you paint was when you were eight. But really, you never stop mid-painting to come and talk to me. What gives?"

He carried on with the innocence charade for about a second or two more then let his shoulders slump as he stared up at me in earnest. "I was going to see if you'd let me paint you."

"Paint me?" I squeaked out, already feeling uncomfortable with this conversation. I didn't know where his head was at, or how he wanted to paint me. I just couldn't ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. This was going to take me out of my comfort zone. I knew my best friend well enough to be certain about that.

He sighed and stood up then lightly gripped my arms, right above my elbows. "I want to paint you. I know you're probably going to turn me down without even considering this, but Baylee. I _really_ want to do this! I want to paint you. That's something I've never done."

I frowned and kept squinting up at him. He wasn't giving me the full story and I was obviously going to have to drag it out of him. "How do you want to paint me, Jasper?"

"Naked."

I blinked and immediately started to back away from him. He just tightened his grip carefully on me and moved with me when I started to inch back toward the door. "Jazz...you know how I am about my burns! And I'm pretty sure you remember what happened the last time I got naked in front of you. That didn't really end so well and look where we ended up because of that!"

I was rambling. I knew that. Jasper knew that. But it wasn't going to let me off the hook. He really wanted this, I could see the yearning in his eyes to capture me in an artistic light. "That's exactly why I want to paint you, Baylee."

"You're making no sense." I waved his words off with a shake of my head and reached up to break his hold. He didn't budge, like I knew he wouldn't. And my resolve to stay firm on my decision was already starting to crumble.

"I'm making perfect sense." He sighed and straightened up, his grip loosening before he let his arms fall to his sides. I stopped moving and blinked at the little movement of defeat on his part. "Baylee, you don't see yourself the way everyone else sees you. Hell, you've _never_ seen yourself very clearly. You've always been the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. That beauty hasn't deminished or been tarnished by the fire. If anything, you're even _more_ gorgeous now. You should be proud of your burns and I want to try and show you how I see them. How I see you."

I really couldn't tell him no. He wanted this too much and wasn't even trying to hide the fact. He was passionate about this, insanely so. I couldn't remember the last time I'd seen his eyes grow as vibrant as they were right then, added with a look of pure hope and I was a sucker every time.

"Fine." I sighed and threw one hand up in defeat. "But under one condition."

"As long as it doesn't include covering your burns, I'll agree."

I rolled my eyes and even stuck my tongue out at him before gesturing at the front half of my body. "I want something covering my boobs. I'll go commando for you, I promise. But I don't really think we need to be carting around a portrait that has my boobs on display for everyone to see."

"I'll give you a sheet. I know exactly how I want you to be sitting."

"Wait, sitting?" I muttered and squinted up at him again. "That means you won't get all of my burns into the artwork."

"If you sit a certain way, I will." He nodded then smiled at me again, easily accelerating my heartbeat and making me want to look at anything but him and the adorably sexy grin adorning his lips.

I sighed and glanced around at the various art utensils littering the room. "When are we going to be doing this and where?"

If I'd been counting on that to bring him up short, I would've been sadly mistaken. But Jasper really was on top of his game with this! I could see the thought he'd put into it all and smiled again as he motioned for me to follow him. I did, dragging my feet with a little groan as he stopped in the master bedroom. The one room of the house that I was insanely in love with.

The room was so spacious that I'd initially been scared to come in here. A wide sleigh bed was positioned in the middle of the room with the massive headboard just an inch from the wall. To the right of the bed was a nightstand and a door that led into the ajoined bathroom that was fully loaded with all sorts of cool things. To the left were the set of double doors that led to the deck that stretched across the entire back of the house. The doors were beautiful and opened back into the room. The wood was painted white, with large pearl-looking handles and pristine glass panes strategically placed in the wood. I could safely assume that this was where Jasper would position me for his painting.

But when Jasper carefully slipped around me and opened the doors up, I realized I was wrong. Really wrong. Raising an eyebrow, I carefully dropped my hands onto my hips and stared up at him skeptically.

"You're seriously not thinking what I hope you aren't."

He just grinned at me, causing my heart to skip several beats then dashed out of the room, leaving me staring blankly at his retreating form. I could only imagine what he was up to, but didn't have to wait long for my suspicions and fears to be confirmed. Of course. He was doing _exactly_ what I'd been afraid he would do.

A long, white sheet was drapped over one arm with his painting supplies, minus the actual paint, shoved up underneath his other arm. Balanced precariously on the hand that was trying to keep the sheet from dragging the floor was his wide circle of paints. Or at least, that's what I'd called it when we were kids. The nickname had just kinda stuck over the years.

"Is there any way I can talk you out of this?" I whined, even pouting up at Jasper as he gently moved me out of the way to set up his easel and fresh canvas. But I quirked an eyebrow when he set up on the deck instead of inside the room. Okay, maybe my best friend did like me at least a little bit!

This had to mean that I would be inside. Right? Well, here was to hoping anyway.

I couldn't help but snicker once he was done and stared at me in a professional manner. "Go change into this." He demanded gently, the corners of his lips lifting slightly in a reassuring smile before they settled back into place. "Wrap it around you as carefully as you can. Are you going to be okay pulling your bandages off yourself?"

I gulped and nodded mutely. My voice had suddenly decided to go play out on the beach! So instead of saying anything, I just gave him a mock-military salute then turned and trudged into the bathroom. When Jasper got in these kind of moods, there was no talking him out of it. Or reasoning with him.

I liked being able to reason with my best friend. I missed doing that.

Huffing as I carefully pulled off my hoodie, tank top, and jean shorts; which had become like my official uniform for summer, I set the clothes aside, along with my bandages and underwear then frowned at the sheet Jasper had provided. Of course, it was white. And it was sunny outside.

"He's already seen you naked, idiot." I muttered to myself then decided to just keep it simple. He wanted to see my scars, and paint them no less, so I was going to let him do just that. This was important to him and I'd never been able to turn him down before.

Securing the sheet around my waist, right below where my burns started up my back, I grabbed the untucked end and carefully wound it up my chest and held it against my right breast. We could figure out the stomach issues once I was outside. Or rather, as outside as I was going to get considering I was practically naked.

"Okay." I bit out, wrestling with the sheet around my ankles as I stumbled out into the bedroom. Jasper had pulled a stool out to sit on while he was waiting on me and stopped cold when he saw me. Looking up, my cheeks flamed and I rolled my eyes.

"Dude, stop acting like you haven't seen me like this before."

"Sorry." He muttered and ducked his head as he walked in to help me get into position. I had to hand it to him, the boy had definitely put a lot of time and thought into this. Which was scary in it's own little way. But again, I trusted him.

So I formed my body to the vision he had in his head, seated on the stool I thought had been for him with the blanket drapped over me, instead of wrapped around my hips. Instead of having the blanket up to keep my breasts covered, I just folded my arm into place so he could get the scars on my abdomen. I would personally be overseeing the time he spent shadowing out my breasts once he had the basic contours of my body.

Keeping my back at an angle to him, with my head bent slightly to show the side of my face and burned neck, I expected him to move away and start working furiously to capture this moment in time. But he didn't. He was still kneeling on my left side, one hand gripping the stool. I tensed in surprise and closed my eyes when his fingers lightly slid over the swirl of charred flesh connecting my stomach to my back. Instantly, my muscles relaxed under his touch and my head dipped down further in a weird sense of relaxation.

But when I felt his lips on my burned skin, it took all I had to stay in place. The nerve endings under my skin were still pretty damaged but there was no way I could've been able to overlook the softness in his kiss. It felt like a feather against my damaged body and an undamaged part of me reacted so violently that I was momentarily knocked breathless. I hadn't been expecting _that_ kind of reaction!

Drawing in a ragged breath before my thoughts could completely get away from me, I reached out and lightly pushed him toward his set-up. I couldn't look up at him with my control as shaky as it was. So when my voice came out barely above a whisper, I was surprised he had even been able to hear me. "Okay Picasso, stop feelin' up the model and get crackin'."


	30. Chapter 30

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **__I am so SO sorry for the lack of updates on this story. I've been consumed with the progression of __Lay Me Down__ and to be honest, I've kinda stalled on this story a little. I had a whole plan of action mapped out, but things didn't turn out the way I needed them to in order for it to all work. So if chapters are slow in coming, it's because I'm trying to find more inspiration and a new direction to lead this story. Bare with me and please be patient._

_Stephenie Meyer owns it all, I'm just in charge of Baylee._

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**CHAPTER SONG: PURPLE RAIN - PRINCE**

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**Chapter Thirty:**

It took Jasper three days to finish his painting of me. But that didn't mean that he was ready to unveil it to me. Yet.

"On come on!" I whined, pulling out my best pout in hopes of getting him to crack. We were eating dinner, something I'd actually cooked in the hideously intimidating kitchen and the conversation had kinda lapsed as a result. But I hoped if he was so preoccupied by his plate, then he would readily agree to let me see the fruits of my posing for five hours. Five. Hours. That had to count for something!

As soon as I saw the look on Jasper's face, I knew that it didn't. He wasn't going to budge and his expression told me that very clearly. But he cleared his throat and set down his fork. Not a good sign. "Baylee, you'll see it when I'm ready to show it to you."

"Jasper." I whined again and even slumped my shoulders in a defeated position. "That's not fair, dude. I sat perfectly still and majorly naked for that damn thing! I have a right to see what you came up with." I blurted out then raised an eyebrow slightly and squinted at him. "You didn't completely botch it up and make me look even more hideous than I already do, did you?"

My attempts of teasing went right over his head and he vaulted out of his chair and leaned over me before I had a chance to breathe. "I don't _ever_ want to hear those words cross your lips ever again."

Frozen in shock, and a little bit of fear, I just nodded dumbly then squinted up at him again when he rose then extended a hand to me. "Come on," he sighed and effortlessly pulled me out of my chair. "If it'll change your opinion of yourself, then I'll go ahead and show it to you. But be warned that I haven't done portraits in a long time."

I gulped and nodded again then followed him inside, our hands still clasped. I was sure that, if this had someone else as the subject, I wouldn't have been so anxious to see it. Even though Jasper worried and even doubted his own abilities, I knew the talent he had. Especially when it came to portraits. They were his strong suit, even when we'd just been kids.

We made it to his little studio sooner than I was ready and found myself surprised to encounter a canvas covered with a dark sheet on his easel. I'd seen his paintings before, they lined one wall of the room! But this felt entirely different. The subject underneath that sheet had never been me. Exposed with all of my flaws and scars out for the world to see. And judge.

"Are you ready?" I jerked in surprise and stared guiltily up at Jasper. I'd almost forgotten he was in the room with me. Slowly, I nodded and held my breath as he left me then crossed the room. My heart began to pound violently against my ribs and I heard my pulse racing in my ears as he reached out and slowly pulled the sheet off to expose the art underneath.

As soon as the full view of my portrait caught my eyes, I was mesmerized. The girl staring back at me couldn't _possibly_ be me. We looked nothing alike. I took a couple of shaky steps closer and uncertainly ran my fingers over the rough pattern of colors and lines. The girl looked so sad and vulnerable. Was this what Jasper saw every time he looked at me? My eyes traveled lower and I winced when I saw the line of scars sprawling down her body.

This girl was me, but she didn't look nearly as gruesome as I'd assumed she would. There was a sadness in her expression and posture, yes. But there was a beauty to her imperfections that I'd never seen before.

Jasper had painted this. He'd painted me, the way I was through his eyes. And for a fleeting moment, I'd never felt more beautiful than I had in that exact moment, staring at a rendering of my damaged body.

"Oh Jasper." I breathed and looked up at him as my fingertips skimmed the curve of the girl's back. _My_ back. I had to wrestle with my mind that the girl I was seeing had been me. I'd posed this exact way for him, to capture it in a tangible way.

"Do you like it?" He asked uncertainly, his eyes tight with worry as he slowly came to stand beside me. It always freaked him out to unveil a new painting. Especially when a project was as personal to him as this seemed to be.

"It's beautiful." I whispered and blinked rapidly to keep tears from spilling down my cheeks. It felt wrong to cry. Crying might give Jasper the wrong idea and it hurt to think that I'd caused him to second-guess himself. "I can't believe it."

The smile was tentative in forming on his features as he came up behind me and carefully clasped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my right shoulder as he stared at the portrait with me. "I wasn't sure if you would like it. But I wanted to show you, I _had_ to. Baylee, this is what I see when I look at you. I don't see your scars, I see your heart and your strength. Your fierce determination and will to live. Those needed to be captured and shown to you. Maybe then you could start seeing yourself in a better light."

"I can't believe this." I whispered and shook my head slowly, tears betraying me finally and streaked down my skin. "Jasper, this girl is beautiful. I can't believe that's me. How can you see all of this when you look at me?"

"It's simple." He shrugged then straightened up and gently turned me around in his arms. I moved willingly and kept my arms at my sides as he continued to hold me carefully close. "You've always been the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I love you, Baylee. Nothing will ever tarnish the way I see you."

Air felt like it was lodging itself in my throat, making me unable to talk or form a coherent sentence. He'd said those three words to me once before, but I'd just assumed he was joking around. How could he love me when so much had happened between us? We had so many roadblocks to overcome, how could he feel so strongly for me when there were still things left unresolved between us?

But as I stared up at him, losing myself in his beautiful green eyes, I realized that I didn't care. Nothing matter in this moment but him and the beautiful present he'd given to me. A glimpse into his mind and eyes. It didn't matter that my hair barely reached the top of my ears in some places. I didn't care that my skin would never fully heal back into what it had once been.

Jasper Hale, the boy I'd grown up loving and adoring, loved me back. Despite everything. Even with all of the changes and challenges that had shaped us into what we were now. I couldn't deny the emotion in his eyes. But yet there was still a small part of me that needed more confirmation.

"Show me." I muttered against my better judgement. I had no idea where my words were about to take us, but I didn't entirely care. I just _had_ to know. I had to feel what he was seeing instead of just viewing it through my cynical and biased eyes.

Jasper didn't say anything. Instead, he just leaned down and gently pressed his lips to mine. The heat that exploded through me was excrutiating in it's pleasure and surprise. I reacted without thinking and molded into his embrace, not caring if I hurt myself or gave him the wrong impression. More pressure was applied to the kiss and when his tongue lightly slid across my bottom lip, asking for entrance, I nearly came unraveled.

I didn't care about anything as I stood there, my hands clenched in his hair as he kissed me breathless. Nothing mattered right then but the boy in my arms and the wild spectrum of emotions flowing from his body into mine. I didn't care that, once the summer ended, he was leaving for school. I didn't care that I was soon going to have to face the public again and be okay with my past. All I could focus on was him.

My arms tightened around his neck ever so slightly when I felt my feet being lifted off the floor. I wound my legs around his hips carefully and nipped at his lower lip while he moved us from one room to another. It wasn't until he sat down on the edge of the bed that I felt a shift of gravity, me still in his lap that I became aware of our surroundings and just how close we were to taking that ultimate step.

Jasper removed my hoodie first, blindly tossing it aside as his lips moved from mine to trail over my cheek, along my jaw, then down the damaged side of my throat. That took me by surprise and the new sensation against my sensitive skin caused me to gasp aloud. He seemed to know that he hadn't hurt me though, his body still relaxed against me as I slid my hands down his arms then around to his back. His spine stiffened a little when my fingers met bare skin, but he leaned back quickly and pulled his shirt off then tossed it aside to join my hoodie.

"Stop me any time you feel uncomfortable." He whispered, his breathing already labored as he held me immobile in his gaze. I just nodded silently and unconsciously squirmed over him when his fingers curled around the hem of my tank top and began to move upward. I didn't hesitate then either, letting him pull my shirt off before my arms circled around his neck lazily. I'd asked for this, in a way. I'd asked him to show me how he saw me, but I had no idea where this was going to lead us. I had the power to stop things if I wanted. But the heat smoldering in my body refused to let me chicken out, as I had the first time we'd been together like this.

It wasn't until he didn't move to kiss me again like I assumed he would, that he gave me another surprise. "I want you, Baylee."

My first reaction was pretty childish and a little embarrassing. I could _clearly_ tell how much he wanted me with the way we were sitting, but there was something about the look on his face that told me he wasn't just talking about physically.

Leaning back so I could see him more clearly, my head tilted to the side a little as I continued to study his expression. "I...what?"

He chuckled almost silently at my breathless question and leaned in to kiss me lightly as his hand flattened over my chest, right where my heart was pounding wildly. "I love you." He announced again, his voice suddenly fierce and powerful despite the whispered volume. "I'm never going to be able to love anyone as much as I love you. As much as I always _have_ loved you. Wanting you like this, so much that I'm close to physically hurting, isn't something I take lightly. I've never been able to get you out of my head and I'm sick of trying. I want to _be_ with you. Baylee, I'm asking for the chance I would've asked for if I'd never moved out of Richardson."

By the end of his little speech, I was as breathless as if he'd just kissed me for several minutes without mercy. Was he _really_ asking what I thought he was? How could he? Could I really do this? Could I let our friendship progress into an actual, romantic relationship? I'd never really been good at taking risks.

But sitting there, staring into the hopeful green eyes I loved so much, I realized that the risk had already been taken. I'd already given him my heart, there was nothing else left to give him but my last piece of innocence. My virginity.

Swallowing thickly, I tried to will my voice to work. I so desperately wanted to say the words he wanted to hear most from me. But my voice was lost to me. So I did the only thing I could do. With tears shining in my ears, I just nodded furiously.

Jasper's laughter was music to my ears as he wrapped his arms around me and gently crushed me against him for another searing kiss. There was no pressure to act beyond that, to continue on the course we'd encroached as clothing was shed.

In that simple, breathtaking kiss, he told me everything I needed to know. He would wait for me, he would wait until I was absolutely and without a doubt ready to give him my body.


	31. Chapter 31

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Please don't kill me. But it's not all sunshine and roses for Baylee and Jasper. Yet. Enjoy!_

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just taking responsibility for Baylee._

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**CHAPTER SONG: IDLEWILD BLUES - OUTKAST**

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**Chapter Thirty-One:**

The sunlight felt delicious on my bare skin as I lay curled up in Jasper's bed, my head resting on his bare chest as his fingers glided through my short hair.

"What're you thinking?" He asked, his soft voice enveloping me in an enticing layer of comfort.

I smiled and just snuggled closer to him, hiding my face in his chest before pressing a kiss to the skin underneath me. Looking up at him, I could only smile as his eyes caught mine. "I'm just laying here, reveling in how happy I feel right now."

"Good." He smiled back at me and shifted just enough to kiss my forehead before he relaxed back into his previous position. "I like hearing you say you're happy. I can't remember the last time you told me that."

I grinned again and pressed my cheek against his chest, unconsciously timing my breathing to the pulse of his heart. "I haven't been this happy in a really long time. If ever. But it goes beyond that. I feel...safe. And beautiful."

There wasn't a stitch of clothing on our bodies, but neither of us seemed the least bit preturbed or embarrassed by it. I had long ago gotten over my anxiety in being naked around him and he seemed to return the favor. Jasper had no problem laying naked underneath me with just a sheet covering our lower bodies.

We hadn't done anything other than lay together and let the rising sun warm our bare skin. He had situated us very carefully, of course, so that his body absorbed more of the morning rays than mine did. But what light I could feel on my skin was nice.

"You _are_ beautiful." He suddenly replied with such vigor that I looked up at him in surprise. Not because of what he'd said, because of _how_ he'd said it. He believed in me more than I could ever hope to believe in myself and that gave me strength. It gave me the courage I would need later on to start living my life again. "Baylee, I never want you to go another day without this feeling."

"I won't." I promised and leaned up carefully on one elbow to stare down at him. "As long as I have you, loving me the way you do, I'll never feel that again. It's like...I dunno, it's hard to explain."

"Try." He gently prodded, his fingers gliding over my charred skin like a feather carressing normal skin.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, my eyes falling to the scars that littered his upper body. It still hurt to see such imperfections marring his skin, but they made him who he was. They told a story of such loneliness and depression that I couldn't imagine looking at him and _not_ seeing them. We both had our scars, there was no way anyone could deny that. But the scars just seemed to add to our story, telling the outside world of everything we'd gone through to end up together.

In each other's arms, happy, and in love.

"I feel whole when I'm with you." I started quietly and reached out to lightly trace the grouping of scar tissue over his heart. "I don't feel damaged when you look at me because I feel like you see me the way I want to appear to the rest of the world. I don't remember all the bad stuff that's happened when you're around. And that's the best feeling in the world. I've been running from everything for so long that it's just...it's _freeing_ to just be able to let it all go."

"I feel the same way." He replied and I turned my head to stare into his eyes. The arm laying over my hips tightened slightly and I curled into him a little more as I continued to trace the scars on his chest and arms. "I have to admit, I was terrified of showing you the damage I'd done to myself. I thought you would think less of me, that you would somehow see me as a weak person because I couldn't overcome everything."

"Jazz." I sighed and leaned my upper body against his to kiss him lightly. Pulling away before things could spiral out of control and I'd lose track of what I wanted to say, I backed away just enough to look down at him clearly. "I could never see you as weak. The things that you've been through...the things that we've _both_ been through, that's not for faint-hearted people. What you've experienced could have likely killed you and you dealt with all of it to the best of your ability. I'm just grateful that you don't feel the urges to do that to yourself anymore. I hate saying it, but it hurts me everytime I see these and realize that I wasn't there to stop it. I wasn't there to take your pain away from you."

"Bay." He sighed and sat up on his own elbow, shifting me to where I was carefully laying on my right side. He moved his arm from underneath me and molded it against me to cup my cheek, holding part of my face from the pillow under my head. "I don't want you feeling like that. Yeah, it kills me when I see your burns and think about how things might've been different if I'd been there. But we can't do that to ourselves or each other. The past is in the past, darlin'." I smiled brightly when his accent slipped through and he chuckled, hanging his head for a minute before he looked up again and went on. "All we can do now is move forward, to accept these things about ourselves and each other and continue getting healthy. I still can't believe how much you've changed since coming to live with us."

"What can I say?" I muttered and smiled bashfully at him as I moved onto my back and wound both of my arms around his waist, lightly pulling him toward me. "Being around all of you was the best thing for me. I didn't think I'd be able to feel like this ever again. I just figured when I woke up after the fire, that was it! I wasn't getting my life back and I'd just continue walking through daily life numb to it all. But...everyone, you especially, woke me up and made me part of your family. You accepted me with no hesitation and for the first time, I felt like I was truly apart of a family. A family that loved and wanted me. As is."

"As is." He chuckled then lowered his head to brush his lips across mine. But he didn't pull back to speak, his words flowed across my lips with his breath. "I happen to think your 'as is' is the best gift a guy could be given."

"That's just because you hope to someday get laid." I joked dryly, even rolling my eyes as I pretended to push him off me. He just laughed and applied a little more of his weight onto me, successfully trapping me beneath him.

"Oh really?" He asked quietly, a familiar glint in his eyes. My stomach dropped then abruptly filled with butterflies as I stared up at him, my hands curled against his fists. "Do you _really_ think that?"

"Yes." I challenged, snickering quietly as I dared him to do something to contradict my words.

Jasper leaned back slightly and pretended to think about his next course of action before his lips suddenly claimed mine. I gasped at the rough inhibition of his kiss, but didn't pull away. Instead, I leaned up into him and wrapped my arms around his neck to hold him against me. A shiver flowed through me when his tongue entered my mouth and began demanding room against mine.

But just as quickly as the kiss began, it ended. He slowly pulled back, his teeth nipping my lower lip at the last possible second then he curved a hand against my cheek. The mischevious glint in his eyes was gone, replaced by a tenderness that I'd never seen before. "That happens when it does. You still need some more time to heal from your injuries and I will _never_ force myself on you. I meant it when I said that I wanted to be with you. I have no problem waiting." He grinned at me then grimaced and glanced down between our bodies. "I may be taking a lot of cold showers until that time, but I don't care. I've waited nine years for you. I can keep waiting."

"You're going to explode." I blurted out suddenly, causing us both to erupt in laughter before his lips gently crashed against mine once more.

We finally pulled ourselves out of bed later in the day, much to my dismay. While Jasper had an amazing amount of self-restraint, I knew better than to keep testing that. He was only human, and male after all.

So I emerged from the bathroom, my hair still damp as I padded to my room and began rummaging through my closet. He had plans for us, what I had no idea. So I just pulled on fresh underwear, jean shorts and a tank top then ran my towel over my head roughly. Jasper came into the room as I pulled the material off my head and stared at him through a halo of messy hair.

"Very cute." He chuckled and placed a gentle kiss on my lips before he stepped back and produced my beloved hoodie. "I was thinking. You've spent too much time cooped up in here and it's a beautiful day. How do you feel about taking a walk on the beach with me?"

"Like you even have to ask!" I grinned brightly up at him and tossed the towel aside. Grabbing my hoodie, I threw it on then slid my hand into his. "Lead the way."

"What about your hair?" He asked, suddenly very serious as he stopped in the doorway.

I just rolled my eyes and gently pushed him out into the hall. "Dude, we're going to walk on the _beach._ It'd just get messed up by the wind either way."

Jasper's laughter rang easily through the hall as we headed out to the back deck, his fingers twining with mine. I shivered involuntarily when the sun hit me, a mild wave of panic welling up in me. I'd never been scared of the sun before. In fact, I'd all but worshiped it. Of course, I had the voices of fallen family members in my head each time, warning me mentally about the fear of skin cancer.

I didn't have to worry about that now. I would never be able to go out in sunlight the way I'd been able to almost a year before. A different kind of light, hot and dangerous, had beaten the threat of skin cancer.

I paused as soon as my bare feet met sand and pulled my hand carefully from Jasper's grip. He turned instantly, frowning in concern. But it faded instantly as he watched me pull the hood of my sweater up around my head. All to hide the charred line of skin on my neck.

"Feel better now?" He asked with the smallest hint of a smile on his face. He wound his arm carefully around my waist and gently pulled me against him. I smiled my consent and wrapped my own arm across the small of his back as we started down toward the water.

We spent the entire walk in silence, but it wasn't awkward or uncomfortable in anyway. It felt like we were the only two people in the world, enjoying the lazy roll of waves into the shore. I squealed every once in a while when the water lapped over my bare ankles, and Jasper laughed. But it wasn't until we almost reached the beach house again when he did something that completely surprised me.

His arm was still wound around my waist so by the time he swung around and anchored his other arm beneath my knees, it was too late. I was up in his arms and surprisingly pain-free. Laughter rang easily around us and I looped my arms around his neck instinctively.

"I love hearing that." The smile on Jasper's face stole what was left of my breath away. I couldn't think, I couldn't act. I was simply _there_, in his arms and grinning like an idiot with wild eyes.

"Hearing what?" I finally asked breathlessly, tightening my arms around his neck slightly when he began to slowly swing around.

"You." He replied and paused long enough to brush his lips across mine. "Laughing. It's been a really long time since you did that so freely. I've missed it."

My cheeks flushed instantly and mixed with the heat of the sun streaming down on our faces. My hood had fallen back, but I didn't care. Nothing mattered right then except him, me, and the way he was treating me. "And I've missed you touching me like this."

"Like...." He trailed off as understanding dawned in his eyes. My stomach lurched violently and I looked down toward the sand when the muscles in his arms began to flinch wildly underneath me. "Oh, God!" He rushed out and I had to blink rapidly when my feet were quickly put back down on the earth. "I'm so sorry, Baylee. I completely forgot!"

Moment shattered. Mood floating out of me to disappear into the air blowing off the waves. There was no getting it back.

Even though I knew the scars didn't bother him. Even though I was absolutely, positively _sure_ that he would never see anything hideous about my outward appearance, it would hinder him in a completely different way. He would never be able to get over treating me like a fragile doll that would break at the slightest amount of pressure.

"It's fine." I muttered with a small shrug of my shoulders. I could feel his eyes boring into me as I turned and started to trek back up toward the beach house. The questions just hung in the air behind me and I felt bad, immensely so, for not being able to just stop and talk to him. It was obvious that he had no idea what he'd done to diminish my great mood. But I wasn't ready to fight with him. I didn't want there to be screaming or yelling.

But then again, this _was_ Jasper Hale. He wouldn't scream, nor would he yell at me. He'd just stare at me for a minute then turn and walk away before giving me the silent treatment.

I'd rather have him yell at me.


	32. Chapter 32

_**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**__ Okay, so I originally planned on having this be a single story. But as time went on and storylines were laid out, I realized that just wasn't going to be possible. The story has been stalling and I finally figured out a way to fix that. To get things up to where I'd hoped they'd be by now. So, please don't kill me, but I'm ending the story here. With a sequel being started up very quickly. There's still so much of this story to tell, but to keep from this one being insanely long, I have to find a stopping point. So, without further ado, the unexpected end of __Breathe__._

_Stephenie Meyer's the genius, I'm just taking responsibility for Baylee._

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**CHAPTER SONG: COMING BACK FOR MORE - THE LIFE OF RILEY**

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**Chapter Thirty-Two:**

The summer was officially over. Our last night in Santa Cruz and I was more miserable than I'd been since the beginning of the trip. All because I'd been stupid enough to let something insignificant come between us. Yet again.

Apparently I completely sucked at this whole relationship thing.

I couldn't get my eyes to close as I lay in bed, watching shadows dance as the wind lightly blew into the room. It was our last night and I wanted to smell the salty air flowing around the house. I was going to miss that smell so much when we went back home. And as I lay there, watching the lacy curtains billow in the light breeze, I wondered if the gulf suddenly between Jasper and me was going to follow us home.

I wasn't looking forward to the coming morning. Not only were we going to be incredibly awkward and silent toward each other on the plane ride home, but I was going to have to wear _actual_ clothing. Probably something Alice had selected especially for me so that when our family met us at the airport, her feelings wouldn't be hurt.

It was still strange to me, considering the feelings of my foster family as if they were blood bound to me.

Sighing when my thoughts shifted suddenly into dangerous territory, I wrenched the covers back and climbed to my feet. I shivered a little at the coolness of the wooden floor but ignored it. I didn't bother covering up as I padded out into the dark house. I was thirsty and maybe if I assauged that, I'd be able to sleep. It wasn't going to work, I wasn't stupid enough to believe _that_, but I was desperate.

Passing through the archway into the kitchen, I froze instantly when I noticed something off. Forgetting about something to drink, I turned and walked through the open doorway that let me know where Jasper was. That he was as unable to sleep as I was.

He was silent and sitting in the chair he'd found me in the day he asked to paint a portrait of me. He was in his standard sleep attire, but sans a shirt. That instrigued me a little, but I pushed the thought away. I couldn't let myself go _there_, not when we were still avoiding each other.

"Hey." I muttered quietly and eased into the chair across from him at the table. He glanced over at me, angling his chin up before his eyes returned to the dark water.

Okay, _that_ hurt.

I sighed and let my head fall back, yelping when the movement caused pain and stared at the silent blonde in front of me. In the moonlight, he looked paler than normal, with prominant circles beneath the eyes I loved so much. His hair was unruly atop his head and absolutely perfect. I let my eyes travel lower and drank in the sight before me. Pale skin, with scars smoothed out thanks to the moon, stretched taunt against faint muscular outlines. He had his arms on the chair and I could practically see the tension in his forearms, even though his long and slender fingers were dangling idly.

"What'd I do this time?" He asked softly, his voice having a bit of a bite to it.

I winced and pulled my legs to my chest as I carefully settled back into the chair. My own eyes fell on the scenery and I shrugged carefully. "You didn't really _do_ anything. I just overreacted."

"You do that a lot." He replied and I looked over to see him staring at me. I could tell he was angry, but the only outward sign of his distress was the tension riddling his jaw. "You always get angry at me for something, but never tell me what I did. How are we ever going to make this work if you keep shutting off on me?"

"This isn't all my fault." I shot back defensively, even though I knew it was a lie. This time it _was_ all on me. I knew and had accepted that as I left my bedroom in search of something to push away the sleeplessness. I just hadn't counted on having our fight now. I sighed and leaned my forehead into my hand before I got up and knelt beside his chair. It hurt to feel him flinch when I took his hand, but otherwise ignored it. "Jasper, I'm sorry."

He sighed and I could see some of the stress leave his strong features. But he didn't look at me. His eyes remained transfixed on the darkness. "You say that a lot too." He muttered, but the bite I'd originally heard was gone. He was starting to thaw out a little.

Just when I thought that was as far as he was going to take his part of the conversation, he startled me by turning toward me. Bodily. "What did I _do_, Baylee? How can you let me in one moment, then shut the door in my face the next? I know we've been through some pretty awful crap but come _on_!"

I jerked back in surprise when he suddenly vaulted to his feet and spun away from the chair I was still kneeling beside. Sitting back, I hugged my knees to my chest and stayed there. I'd never admit this to anyone, but Jasper scared me when he was angry. I couldn't help the instincts that sparked whenever he showed signs of his rage. It took a lot to make Jasper Hale angry, but I seemed to have the perfect combination.

Suddenly, as that thought hit, a new one came right in on it's heels. Maybe we weren't going to be able to make this work. Maybe too much had happened, too many scars marring the surface of what could've been a flawless courtship.

"You're right." I muttered, causing him to pause just inside the house. He sighed, letting his head fall back before he turned and rejoined me out on the deck. I obediantly climbed to my feet and faced him as I tugged on the silk pajama shorts Alice had packed as my pajamas. "I shouldn't be doing that to you and it's not fair."

"Damn right it's not." He threw the words in my face then winced when his own anger bounced back in his face.

"You getting angry at me isn't going to help!" I threw in, suddenly filled with a random surge of rage. All because I felt like I was being attacked by the one person my heart swore never would hurt me. "If I'm frustrating you so damn much, then why are you still trying?!"

That stunned him so much that he didn't respond automatically, like he normally did whenever we fought. There was a weird vibe to this arguement, like a sense of foreboding that refused to go unnoticed. Something was going to change tonight, I could feel it. We weren't going to be the same people when we left for Forks in the morning.

I crossed the distance between us in two, long angry strides. Grabbing his arm, I forced him to face me, blocking his entrance with my tiny body. "Answer me, Jasper." I challenged, my voice dipping into a lower, more sinister tone. "Why are you so hell bent on getting close to me when all I do is push you away?"

"Because I'm hoping you'll stop!" He screamed and fixed his heated glare on me. Jerking his arm from my grasp, he raked both hands through his hair roughly then locked his fingers against the back of his neck. "I keep hoping that if I do the right things, then you'll take down these invisible walls you probably don't even realize you have! But no! Just when I think we're gaining some ground, you shove me right back to the starting point. I'm getting sick of it, Baylee."

I flinched away from him as if I'd been slapped. I knew I was difficult to be around, I'd been told that enough times to be certain of it's honesty. But I _never_ would have guessed that Jasper would ever reach his limit so quickly.

Swallowing thickly, I looked down at my bare feet before turning toward the water. "All of this because you treated me like I was breakable."

"What?!" He sputtered and suddenly, I was the one being whirled around and forced into looking up at him. "All of this because _why_?!"

"That day at the beach!" I shot back and pulled my arms up, bringing them down hard on his forearms to break his grip. "We were having a really nice moment, Jasper. And there for a second, I forgot about the burns. I forgot how breakable I was. I wasn't even _in pain_ and you dropped me like a doll you weren't supposed to be touching! How do you think that makes me feel? We both may have scars, but I've _never_ done that to you. I've never made you feel like half a person because of them."

"No." He shook his head slowly, sadly. "You just make me feel like I'm fighting a losing battle."

My eyes widened and I stepped away from him, abruptly needing more distance than what'd already been alotted.

"I'm going to school in about a week. I won't be in Forks anymore, or in your daily life. How in the hell are we going to keep a relationship going when we can't even function now?!"

"I just need time!" I blurted out, not thinking about what I was saying before the words burst past my lips. Time for _what_? I'd thought I already had everything all figured out. What did I _possibly_ have left to get through?! So we'd had a little fight, so what?

The realization made me gasp in shock. I should've known. I should've been paying attention or else I would've seen the signs. Our distance, the awkward silences were code for something else. Jasper had talked himself right out of wanting something with me.

I nodded slowly and lightly clicked my tongue against the roof of my mouth. "Okay."

"Okay?" He stared at me as if I'd suddenly grown three heads. "Why are you saying _okay_?"

"You want out." I looked up at him and shrugged slowly, almost mechanically. "Well, you got it. I won't bother you anymore. You can go off to college and create this whole new life. I'll finish out the rest of my time here then disappear as soon as I turn eighteen. I'll never darken your doorstep again, you don't have to worry about me anymore."

"_Damnit Baylee_!" The curse, mingled with my name, flew out his mouth so sharply that I was still focused on it when he grabbed my arms and pulled me up against his body. "Why are you assuming that's what I want?!"

"What _do_ you want?!" I threw back helplessly, suddenly so confused. The fatigue wasn't helping any, I couldn't think or concentrate.

"I want _you_." He replied with such conviction that I felt it in every fiber of my being. His hands formed manacles around my arms and I grit my teeth to keep from crying out when his fingers scrunched up damaged skin. "I want you to tell me when I do something that hurts you. I want you to let me _be_ there for you! You're the most stubborn girl I've ever known and I don't know how to get you to let your defenses completely crumble. Why can't you just be open with me?"

"Because it's too hard." I blurted out in sudden realization. I'd been closed off for a really long time, and now I suddenly had someone standing in front of me, demanding I open myself up to him entirely. Without fear of possible reprocussions.

The ferocity of his fight slowly faded from his features and he let me go just as slowly. I backed away instinctively and ducked my head to stare at my bare feet.

"So that's it then." He sighed and shook his head slowly, staring over my head. "You're too used to being battered and ignored that you can't accept something good when it comes along. I'd hoped that I was wrong when I originally thought that. That I'd be different because I knew you before the fire. But you're just not going to let me in. You're going to continue to hold me at a distance, using small things to jumpstart a fight. You're too scared of me falling into that category to let me prove you wrong."

I swallowed thickly and kept my head down, knowing deep in my gut that he was right. I didn't want him to be right, but he was. After all, what other explanation was there? How could I possibly explain how I'd let things escalate? All because he'd remembered my burns and started handling me like a damaged child.

He'd handled me exactly like I was. A damaged child.

Bile rose in my throat so suddenly that I nearly smacked into the glass door when I ran inside. I didn't care if Jasper was following me or not, I simply locked myself up in the bathroom and got sick. So violently ill that I groaned in pain when my back arched painfully against my damaged skin. I slowly regained control over my body, forcing myself to stop shaking enough so that I could move back into my room. I could hear faint stirrings beyond the door, but when I walked out, I was greeted with nothing.

Forcing myself out into the hall, I intentionally passed by Jasper's door. It was closed. He'd locked himself inside, away from me. It was then that I realized the real truth behind his words. Right now, in this moment and time, we weren't going to work. The pain of that hit me mercilessly, making me want to curl in on myself so that I could try and escape it. As if making myself smaller would evade the agony ripping through me.

We weren't going to be together. And it was my fault. I was the only one to blame in this senario. I couldn't force it off on anyone else. I couldn't blame the horrors of my past, of the unspeakable torment Brandon had dealt my small family. I was the one letting the past get in the way of the future.

When Jasper Whitlock walked out of my life, I pushed him into a deep corner of my mind. I refused to visit it, to let the memories surface and take me away. Now, he was back in my life as Jasper Hale. And I was still pushing him away.

With no idea of how to stop myself or prevent it from happening in the near future. He was right.

I hated to admit it, but he was.

**TO BE CONTINUED....**


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